Why the hell is it monday already? I just want to sleep forever. Come now, is it really that hard to let me do just that? 
Three hours of sleep later, and my eyes still burn. 
When I opened up my emails that I sent to myself on friday, my smile quickly faded this morning. The topics weren't related to the one I was supposed to have done research on (does this mean I was fucking stoned, that I couldn't read a fricken word of the content before hitting 'send?). So, as of this morning, I was completely fucked. But! The library is a public one! I tried, but failed, to get off early at work so I could get a head start at noon, when it opened. I got off at 3, normal time. So, I decided that the only option I do have is to go back and find everything I need. Including that one single book that could have made my essay work.
So I drive back, eating a sub on the way (very hard to drive straight while eating a sub), and parked..for FREE, underneath the dorms. And of course, I get all excited, and fucking nervous, so I called my sister so it looked like I had a purpose. Not sure what that purpose was supposed to be, but, being on a cell phone made me blend in, so..
She guided me to the library, where I'd spend the next five hours. 
Funny thing: They did not have that one book. I checked the shelf a few times through the evening, but no.. It wasn't checked out, though.. So, I think I picked up about 20 books on Freud, Ernest Jones, and Hamlet, and got maybe 3 sources out of them. Right now, I have the option of either finishing the assignment and handing it in on time, or just..not doing it. I'm considering the latter. But that's because I just woke up and I feel like a very lazy motherfucker. And I can't find my notes on how to make annotated bibliographies. But I have an online source showing me how..
After doing my research and realizing there wasn't much more I could do to help myself, I wandered around. And got lost. Twice. I felt like quite the dumbass.. I ended up picking an old copy of Titus Andronicus and I read through the entire play in one sitting, in that library. I think I found my new hideout! 
I love libraries, and this one is so much better, open daily until midnight (11 pm sundays) and free! I just can't check books out, but, I do enjoy sitting there and reading anyway.. Six. More. Months. 
My sister tried to call me around 8.. Hello, cellular phone, in the middle of a huge 4-story, longer-than-a-football-field-(seems like it) library.
I admit, I was also hoping to perhaps catch a glimpse of someone, but alas, the campus was quite dead on a sunday afternoon at 4 o'clock. As it was at 9 when I walked back to leave. I called my sister, 'returning her call', but really, I didn't want to walk back alone on the pathway. Anyway, yea.. It's been over five months, what's another six? I should have looked for where I have placement testing, or perhaps a place I could park for it.. I'm going to be paying quite a bit, unless I want to walk a mile, and I hope it's lovely outside so I can do just that. 
It makes me sad none of the students will be there, spring break and all. 
In other news: One week from tomorrow, well, actually, today, as I write this, I go back to the hospital for my appointment.. Those of you who read my journal early on know why I have to go.. So perhaps I'll have another funny tale for you all..
I'm not going to get to responding to comments from my last journal, so, I'll do that later today when I have loads of free time.. I must get this ass moving on my assignment. Hello, procrastination.
Three hours of sleep later, and my eyes still burn. When I opened up my emails that I sent to myself on friday, my smile quickly faded this morning. The topics weren't related to the one I was supposed to have done research on (does this mean I was fucking stoned, that I couldn't read a fricken word of the content before hitting 'send?). So, as of this morning, I was completely fucked. But! The library is a public one! I tried, but failed, to get off early at work so I could get a head start at noon, when it opened. I got off at 3, normal time. So, I decided that the only option I do have is to go back and find everything I need. Including that one single book that could have made my essay work.
So I drive back, eating a sub on the way (very hard to drive straight while eating a sub), and parked..for FREE, underneath the dorms. And of course, I get all excited, and fucking nervous, so I called my sister so it looked like I had a purpose. Not sure what that purpose was supposed to be, but, being on a cell phone made me blend in, so..
She guided me to the library, where I'd spend the next five hours.
Funny thing: They did not have that one book. I checked the shelf a few times through the evening, but no.. It wasn't checked out, though..
So, I think I picked up about 20 books on Freud, Ernest Jones, and Hamlet, and got maybe 3 sources out of them. Right now, I have the option of either finishing the assignment and handing it in on time, or just..not doing it. I'm considering the latter. But that's because I just woke up and I feel like a very lazy motherfucker. And I can't find my notes on how to make annotated bibliographies. But I have an online source showing me how..
After doing my research and realizing there wasn't much more I could do to help myself, I wandered around. And got lost. Twice. I felt like quite the dumbass..
I ended up picking an old copy of Titus Andronicus and I read through the entire play in one sitting, in that library. I think I found my new hideout! I love libraries, and this one is so much better, open daily until midnight (11 pm sundays) and free! I just can't check books out, but, I do enjoy sitting there and reading anyway.. Six. More. Months.
My sister tried to call me around 8.. Hello, cellular phone, in the middle of a huge 4-story, longer-than-a-football-field-(seems like it) library.
I admit, I was also hoping to perhaps catch a glimpse of someone, but alas, the campus was quite dead on a sunday afternoon at 4 o'clock. As it was at 9 when I walked back to leave. I called my sister, 'returning her call', but really, I didn't want to walk back alone on the pathway. Anyway, yea.. It's been over five months, what's another six?
I should have looked for where I have placement testing, or perhaps a place I could park for it.. I'm going to be paying quite a bit, unless I want to walk a mile, and I hope it's lovely outside so I can do just that. It makes me sad none of the students will be there, spring break and all.
In other news: One week from tomorrow, well, actually, today, as I write this, I go back to the hospital for my appointment.. Those of you who read my journal early on know why I have to go.. So perhaps I'll have another funny tale for you all..
I'm not going to get to responding to comments from my last journal, so, I'll do that later today when I have loads of free time.. I must get this ass moving on my assignment. Hello, procrastination.
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
Please remind me about the reason for your hospital appointment again: was it for the ligament in your knee that keeps popping out of place? Good luck with that! Knees are the worst designed part of a human. Consequently, if you look at all well evolved bipedal lifeforms, at least ones that walk on the ground a lot, their knees bend backward. A much more functional design. Do you play sports at all?
I was reading about a theory regarding mood disorders and I am curious what you think as you, like me, proabably have one: depression. The theory is that certan thoughts are triggered by some event that makes you sad, then those thoughts repeat in your head and reinforce the triggered feeling. For example in Eternal Sunshine two lovers correct their relationship problems which makes me feel like a failure with my last realtionship and reminds me of what I lost. Then thoughs like "you have always had this problem and you will never be able to solve it" and "your flaws are so tremendous and self supporting that nobody will ever love you" circle in my mind reinforcing the origional feeling of saddness and generating more destructive thoughts.
The point of the theory is that if you can realise the cycle of these thoughts and break it by self distracting or soliciting outside help you can get yourself out of that slump of sadness, shortening its duration and eventually stopping the pattern of behaviour all togeather.
So far it hasnt worked for me but I havent seriously tried to apply it yet. Perhaps I will try it tonight, my roomate tends to saty up late. Perhaps if I talk her ear off I can avoid sharp objects or implements of inflicting damage by heat.
What do you think of the theory? Im going to link to this comment from my journal hopefully getting my friends to offer their opinions and unique perspectives as well.
I hope you sleep and sleep well, dreaming of floating worlds, soft, fuzzy, and glowing, filled with thoes little tree spirits from Princess Mononoke. I LOVE thoes little guys!
Yeah, Underground and Revolution are two clubs I go to in Hollywood. Underground goes on every Friday night while Revolution is on every 2nd Saturday of the month. They're way cool. They primarily play brit pop, indie rock, and similar sounding music... bands like Metric, Pulp, The Ramones, Blur, Placebo, Elefant, and such. It's where I go to blow off steam from the week and have a few drinks.
I spent many hours in the library myself... if I wasn't researching scientific information for my experiments and reports, I was hidden away in a corner reading anything interesting I found on the shelves. I miss having that quiet time to just sit and read for hours.