As the sun is no longer above the horizon here, it is only the start of sunset somewhere else. Those people have not yet completely lost a day, wasted an entire day. They still have a chance.
Today was nice outside, for once, and I managed to not have to go into work. I could still be there now, after six hours, shivering my ass off. But I'm here. Which doesn't make me any happier. The night is gradually falling upon this region, and for some reason, a fear is also sinking in me. For this moment in time, it's impossible to reinforce the happy feelings.
I think it's just another night, and will be a terror of a weekend, to make it through. Inside, I'm feeling so restless, and sometimes I want to say fuck everything right now, I'm leaving and finally starting new elsewhere. Leave the old behind, pain and memories. Then a gate opens, and along with the flooding dread, is hope, a tiny streak in the black waters. And it's that small amount of relief that has kept me sane for the past 18 years of life this body has experienced. Hell, it's kept me sane by putting me through insanity.
Then again, the cat just ran full force into the wall
.
The next 12 days or so are going to be trying, so bear with me. Fortunately, I'm very aware of the tears that will be shed and the depression I'm going to fall back into. Not that I didn't cure myself of the previous difficulty completely. Just another setback. But, as I said, I knew well ahead of time how I'm going to feel, so it'll make things a bit easier. I swear this is the last time. Because there can't be a next time.
I can only hope for the best in the coming days. I know, I sound like I'm at my own funeral. The thought of being at my funeral is making me smile
. I hope I am! Back on topic. I'm hoping for the best. I'm hoping for the best of circumstances to come, and I'm hoping that things will look up because I think I deserve them to. I hope that certain situations will turn in favor of me. I deserve something to go right and my way.. right?
It's time for the cat to leave, so I'm going to call my sister later and ask her if I can come drop him off. Which will be the start to my little fall. There wasn't a decided date to get him home, but I'm growing too attatched, and thinking about not having the fucking cat makes me want to start crying. I'm too attatched to something I don't actually have. I like waking up in the mornings with something, breathing and full of life, beside me. To realize I'm there with him. And all he does is stretch, and look lovingly at me, with those cute eyes, and rolls in closer and begs for a kiss, and another, and another. He follows me around, sits/sleeps next to me while I'm on the computer. He greets me when I come home, or if not, I atleast have something to look forward to when coming home. I can hug him, kiss him, and whisper stupid, sweet nothings to him, whenever I want, how many times I want. When I crawl into bed, he lays down next to me, and together, we drift away with smiles on our faces. I haven't feared waking up since monday. I've slept so well.
This is the part where I wish he was human instead of cat.
That wish and tears are proof enough for me that he should go. I can tell he misses Rambo, his playmate while everyone is away. He misses my sister, because, well, she is mommy. What he'll miss about this place is the opportunity to look out windows all day, instead of being cooped up in a basement til eternity comes, with no outside contact whatsoever.
Yea. A whole entry about a cat.
I feel like I'm on many levels of pathetic right now 
. I am getting my headache back, I haven't had it for a few days, and it's hurting quite a huge bit. 
I learned how to make a print screen today. Yes, I'm slow, and yes, I didn't know how to do it until then. Take a look at Milwaukee, which is what helped put me in this mood.
I'm proud of myself for finally figuring this out, on my own. I feel stupid because it's so easy!
Oh, well. I'm a slow learner. Like today, I realized my boobs are finally back to their normal size. They don't look it, but they certainly feel like it 
. I'd say for the past five days or so, I haven't been able to keep my hands off myself. When one is in class, it's always a good idea to not play with certain body parts.. But I'm happy, I should be celebrating, damnit! Yep. I like my boobs. 
There was something else I had to ask, but I can't remember what, though I know I've meant to ask for quite awhile.
Well, I don't know. So, I leave you with this crappy web-cam picture of mr. Jesse, his 8 week old kitten self on May 24th, 2004. Or so the image properties tell me. Sounds right. Don't mind me, I looked like shit. I try to look better these days, I swear.
Oh, and because everyone should want to know what I want:
*Edited to add: I just now realize that there is a difference between Valentine's Day and V-Day. Unfortunately, I did not catch this mistake earlier (sorry if I offended anyone); here in my town, we call Valentine's Day 'V-Day', or everyone I know does, so, I was destined to be a stupid-head. My apologies to where they are due.
Today was nice outside, for once, and I managed to not have to go into work. I could still be there now, after six hours, shivering my ass off. But I'm here. Which doesn't make me any happier. The night is gradually falling upon this region, and for some reason, a fear is also sinking in me. For this moment in time, it's impossible to reinforce the happy feelings.
I think it's just another night, and will be a terror of a weekend, to make it through. Inside, I'm feeling so restless, and sometimes I want to say fuck everything right now, I'm leaving and finally starting new elsewhere. Leave the old behind, pain and memories. Then a gate opens, and along with the flooding dread, is hope, a tiny streak in the black waters. And it's that small amount of relief that has kept me sane for the past 18 years of life this body has experienced. Hell, it's kept me sane by putting me through insanity.
Then again, the cat just ran full force into the wall
.
The next 12 days or so are going to be trying, so bear with me. Fortunately, I'm very aware of the tears that will be shed and the depression I'm going to fall back into. Not that I didn't cure myself of the previous difficulty completely. Just another setback. But, as I said, I knew well ahead of time how I'm going to feel, so it'll make things a bit easier. I swear this is the last time. Because there can't be a next time.
I can only hope for the best in the coming days. I know, I sound like I'm at my own funeral. The thought of being at my funeral is making me smile
. I hope I am! Back on topic. I'm hoping for the best. I'm hoping for the best of circumstances to come, and I'm hoping that things will look up because I think I deserve them to. I hope that certain situations will turn in favor of me. I deserve something to go right and my way.. right?
It's time for the cat to leave, so I'm going to call my sister later and ask her if I can come drop him off. Which will be the start to my little fall. There wasn't a decided date to get him home, but I'm growing too attatched, and thinking about not having the fucking cat makes me want to start crying. I'm too attatched to something I don't actually have. I like waking up in the mornings with something, breathing and full of life, beside me. To realize I'm there with him. And all he does is stretch, and look lovingly at me, with those cute eyes, and rolls in closer and begs for a kiss, and another, and another. He follows me around, sits/sleeps next to me while I'm on the computer. He greets me when I come home, or if not, I atleast have something to look forward to when coming home. I can hug him, kiss him, and whisper stupid, sweet nothings to him, whenever I want, how many times I want. When I crawl into bed, he lays down next to me, and together, we drift away with smiles on our faces. I haven't feared waking up since monday. I've slept so well.
This is the part where I wish he was human instead of cat.
That wish and tears are proof enough for me that he should go. I can tell he misses Rambo, his playmate while everyone is away. He misses my sister, because, well, she is mommy. What he'll miss about this place is the opportunity to look out windows all day, instead of being cooped up in a basement til eternity comes, with no outside contact whatsoever.
Yea. A whole entry about a cat.
I feel like I'm on many levels of pathetic right now . I am getting my headache back, I haven't had it for a few days, and it's hurting quite a huge bit.
I learned how to make a print screen today. Yes, I'm slow, and yes, I didn't know how to do it until then. Take a look at Milwaukee, which is what helped put me in this mood.
I'm proud of myself for finally figuring this out, on my own. I feel stupid because it's so easy!
Oh, well. I'm a slow learner. Like today, I realized my boobs are finally back to their normal size. They don't look it, but they certainly feel like it . I'd say for the past five days or so, I haven't been able to keep my hands off myself. When one is in class, it's always a good idea to not play with certain body parts.. But I'm happy, I should be celebrating, damnit! Yep. I like my boobs.
There was something else I had to ask, but I can't remember what, though I know I've meant to ask for quite awhile.
Well, I don't know. So, I leave you with this crappy web-cam picture of mr. Jesse, his 8 week old kitten self on May 24th, 2004. Or so the image properties tell me. Sounds right. Don't mind me, I looked like shit. I try to look better these days, I swear.
Oh, and because everyone should want to know what I want:
*Edited to add: I just now realize that there is a difference between Valentine's Day and V-Day. Unfortunately, I did not catch this mistake earlier (sorry if I offended anyone); here in my town, we call Valentine's Day 'V-Day', or everyone I know does, so, I was destined to be a stupid-head. My apologies to where they are due.
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At least they did when I was programming.
but flash script is always useful for web design, and they pay well.
Aw I feel that way about my kitty too, she's like my daughter