No witty entry tonight. For the past 3 nights, I've fallen into this really bad depression.
Obviously staring at the screen for five minutes didn't get it written out. Perhaps it's because today marks eight months since no one has wanted me. You know. For a relationship. Sometimes I forget I'm just not that likeable 'like that'. Or perhaps I'm just too angry that I'm caged, soon to be caged even further in the next year; that I'm doing it to myself because I think it might have this chance of being good for me, despite the terrible feelings I have about it. Or maybe I just saw my parents sitting in the family room, reading papers from the week, being a content couple, and..so here I am, too. Feeling awkward, always the outcast, anywhere.
I also miss someone, to where it's sometimes too much to handle, but I don't have the balls to say even 'hi' because I don't feel I'm even a part of their life anymore, much less would anything even come from it. So perhaps it's too soon to say anything to them.
I miss actual physical contact from humans. With anyone. I promise my skin isn't a disease.
I guess it's just loneliness. We've been best friends for ever, it seems.
I'll be in my room all night, watching movies, and slipping off into my fantasy realm. It's no wonder I've rarely returned from them anymore.
I promise I'll be better tomorrow. Complete with humor and perversion and the such, you know. The better me. I hate being emo, really. It just happens.
How is everyone else doing?
Obviously staring at the screen for five minutes didn't get it written out. Perhaps it's because today marks eight months since no one has wanted me. You know. For a relationship. Sometimes I forget I'm just not that likeable 'like that'. Or perhaps I'm just too angry that I'm caged, soon to be caged even further in the next year; that I'm doing it to myself because I think it might have this chance of being good for me, despite the terrible feelings I have about it. Or maybe I just saw my parents sitting in the family room, reading papers from the week, being a content couple, and..so here I am, too. Feeling awkward, always the outcast, anywhere.
I also miss someone, to where it's sometimes too much to handle, but I don't have the balls to say even 'hi' because I don't feel I'm even a part of their life anymore, much less would anything even come from it. So perhaps it's too soon to say anything to them.
I miss actual physical contact from humans. With anyone. I promise my skin isn't a disease.
I guess it's just loneliness. We've been best friends for ever, it seems.
I'll be in my room all night, watching movies, and slipping off into my fantasy realm. It's no wonder I've rarely returned from them anymore.
I promise I'll be better tomorrow. Complete with humor and perversion and the such, you know. The better me. I hate being emo, really. It just happens.
How is everyone else doing?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I can relate entirely to that post.
I can realate to your whole journal too, I think most of us can. I feel the outcast all the time too, so don't think you're the only one.
The only place I've ever found people that I fit in with are the ones right here on SG, and it drives me nuts, that I can't see them in real life because they all live hundreds, and thousands of miles away.
Other than, that I'm just super. Thanks for asking.