I need a job.. 
Anyone want to hire me? I can look cute.
I hate job applications that are fricken IQ tests in essay format, instead of the normal double-sided piece of paper that wants personal information, previous three jobs, personal references, and some history. Instead, I have to tell them some hobbies and leisure pursuits, why do I want to work there, how would I describe a decent person who works there, my general knowledge of *insert 50 topics here*, etc. It's for a bookstore. I guess I need to start reading books so I have some areas of 'interest' and 'expertise'.
I don't know what else to go on about. It's friday night and I'm sitting in the dorm room watching Finding Nemo.. I am still not sure of what to do tomorrow. Usually when I can't decide, I go with doing nothing and not deal with making a choice, but it'd be nice to get out. But it looks like I just might not do anything after all. I'm just lame these days.
I can't wait until I get my push up bra from my sister. I'm kind of anxious to see my enhanced boobage, you know? It's an exciting thing that you can do so many things with boobs.. I also hope I'm getting underwear, too. But no one sees my underwear. Well, no one sees the bra, either, but..well, I don't know. I'm excited, damnit, I want it now.
I forgot to post a picture of the family friend in the last entry.
He doesn't have a name. He came upon us years ago, he was just sitting on our porch, waiting for a home. Now he lives in the basement.
I'm feeling rather sad. I know what part of the cause is, which is why I keep reminding myself I don't really want to bother with dating, to feel better. It just makes me feel dumb and sick when I think about it and it's just not worth it. So if you guessed, yes, I saw that Brian guy earlier in the cafeteria at dinner and, well.. it'd be nice, but the whole 'having a S.O.' isn't on my list of priorites anymore. Not that there's no interest, there's just no motivation or optimism left.
I guess if I admit it's all a waste of time, I shouldn't bother to let anyone suffer along with my bad attitude..
Onto something happy.
My mom called earler. Left me a voicemail. But she sounded kind of sad and it made me feel bad because I A) missed the call, and B) never really call home anymore. I never really talk to anyone anymore. Besides Liz, my roommate, I've become such a shallow, antisocial female-version of a dick. I think I might start liking being alone.
I wrapped my sisters christmas present a few days ago. I used paper from MKE newspaper and instead of tape, since I have none, I tied it with yarn. And in blue highlighter, it says the to and from.
I wake up at 7 each morning. I shower if I have time, then change. I dry my hair, brush my teeth, and soak my nose in sea salt. Then I go to the cafeteria, get a muffin, fruit, and chocolate milk, come back here, eat, finish schoolwork, and go to class. I hate morning. I wake up three minutes before my alarm, and two or three times during the night, each night. I stare at the ceiling and wonder. Nothing bad, and nothing good. I just wonder. Sometimes, yes, it makes me sad, what I come up with.
It also feels like I just let everyone down. It's my special talent. I don't think I even have to do anything, it happens on it's own, and the impression I get is that the person hates me or gives up or just wants to get away or avoid me. I could just be paranoid. I don't think so. But I don't think I'm flawed, either. I'm just full of contradictions.
Talking to Brendon the other night, I jokingly told him that when he moves back up here, I'm going to leech off his drug supply, and half of me was joking, and the other half actually can't wait. Nothing too bad, just more 'legal' stuff, but..I guess I miss floating at the top of the Union building and living with the garden gnones in someones yard down the hill that really isn't there, next to Edgewood. Or was it Kenwood?
I realize that I've been treating him like shit because I was not approving of the choices he's made. But really, it's what makes him happy, and interests him, and why deny that I'm a little interested in some of those hobbies, too? As long as we're not getting into the serious shit, I think I'd more or less be happy to try something else.
It's almost unbelievable, but he does know his substances inside and out.
I can't believe that finals start next week. My paper is due tuesday, I should start it this weekend. Most likely sunday night.
Edit to add: I change my mind. I am really unhappy.
Anyone want to hire me? I can look cute.
I hate job applications that are fricken IQ tests in essay format, instead of the normal double-sided piece of paper that wants personal information, previous three jobs, personal references, and some history. Instead, I have to tell them some hobbies and leisure pursuits, why do I want to work there, how would I describe a decent person who works there, my general knowledge of *insert 50 topics here*, etc. It's for a bookstore. I guess I need to start reading books so I have some areas of 'interest' and 'expertise'.
I don't know what else to go on about. It's friday night and I'm sitting in the dorm room watching Finding Nemo.. I am still not sure of what to do tomorrow. Usually when I can't decide, I go with doing nothing and not deal with making a choice, but it'd be nice to get out. But it looks like I just might not do anything after all. I'm just lame these days.
I can't wait until I get my push up bra from my sister. I'm kind of anxious to see my enhanced boobage, you know? It's an exciting thing that you can do so many things with boobs.. I also hope I'm getting underwear, too. But no one sees my underwear. Well, no one sees the bra, either, but..well, I don't know. I'm excited, damnit, I want it now.
I forgot to post a picture of the family friend in the last entry.
He doesn't have a name. He came upon us years ago, he was just sitting on our porch, waiting for a home. Now he lives in the basement.
I'm feeling rather sad. I know what part of the cause is, which is why I keep reminding myself I don't really want to bother with dating, to feel better. It just makes me feel dumb and sick when I think about it and it's just not worth it. So if you guessed, yes, I saw that Brian guy earlier in the cafeteria at dinner and, well.. it'd be nice, but the whole 'having a S.O.' isn't on my list of priorites anymore.
Not that there's no interest, there's just no motivation or optimism left.
I guess if I admit it's all a waste of time, I shouldn't bother to let anyone suffer along with my bad attitude..
Onto something happy.
My mom called earler. Left me a voicemail. But she sounded kind of sad and it made me feel bad because I A) missed the call, and B) never really call home anymore. I never really talk to anyone anymore. Besides Liz, my roommate, I've become such a shallow, antisocial female-version of a dick. I think I might start liking being alone.
I wrapped my sisters christmas present a few days ago. I used paper from MKE newspaper and instead of tape, since I have none, I tied it with yarn. And in blue highlighter, it says the to and from.
I wake up at 7 each morning. I shower if I have time, then change. I dry my hair, brush my teeth, and soak my nose in sea salt. Then I go to the cafeteria, get a muffin, fruit, and chocolate milk, come back here, eat, finish schoolwork, and go to class. I hate morning. I wake up three minutes before my alarm, and two or three times during the night, each night. I stare at the ceiling and wonder. Nothing bad, and nothing good. I just wonder. Sometimes, yes, it makes me sad, what I come up with.
It also feels like I just let everyone down. It's my special talent. I don't think I even have to do anything, it happens on it's own, and the impression I get is that the person hates me or gives up or just wants to get away or avoid me. I could just be paranoid. I don't think so. But I don't think I'm flawed, either. I'm just full of contradictions.
Talking to Brendon the other night, I jokingly told him that when he moves back up here, I'm going to leech off his drug supply, and half of me was joking, and the other half actually can't wait. Nothing too bad, just more 'legal' stuff, but..I guess I miss floating at the top of the Union building and living with the garden gnones in someones yard down the hill that really isn't there, next to Edgewood. Or was it Kenwood?
I realize that I've been treating him like shit because I was not approving of the choices he's made. But really, it's what makes him happy, and interests him, and why deny that I'm a little interested in some of those hobbies, too? As long as we're not getting into the serious shit, I think I'd more or less be happy to try something else.
It's almost unbelievable, but he does know his substances inside and out.
I can't believe that finals start next week. My paper is due tuesday, I should start it this weekend. Most likely sunday night.
Edit to add: I change my mind. I am really unhappy.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Not too bad, but I still wish I went out.
In any case, I understand why people feeling this way never leave the house or do anything, now. Mainly I don't want to leave the house. It's cold. It's wet. That should be enough of a reason as any. I'm slightly afraid that certain things will cause me to become stressed out and have a panic attack that I wont be able to handle. In the back of my mind, I know it to be untrue, however. I just can't make myself believe it. I guess until I get up the courage to do it.
I feel so lame.