I made it to Anchorage and am sitting in bed with thoughts in my head and not yet settled enough to try and get to sleep. This house is quiet and everyone, including the dogs are asleep except me. A nice time to just sit back and reflect I guess....
This weekend is Mother's Day, and I find myself over 300 miles from my kids and from my Mom. I actually feel a bit guilty taking this weekend "off" to relax. I feel that I should probably have stayed home and spent the time with my kids, and dealt with the standard get together dinner we end up having with my Mom. She was quite pissed when I told her that I would be out of town Sunday....
I will admit that I do love my Mother even with all that she has put me through....and I would give my life for my kids even though I often wonder what my life would have been like without them. Heavy thoughts for late at night....
What makes a Mother a Mom? My Mother went through hell all during my childhood. She and my father divorced when I was three and it sent her on a roller-coaster that has only in the past year finally smoothed out. She has been married six times, divorced five and each divorce sent us in a frenzy of moving and a period of financial despair. I learned very young how to be a pillar for her as support and how to be a mother to my brother when she was far too depressed to deal with him. I watched how each time she met and married a guy, she was so fearful of the possiblilty of his leaving, that she really did create the atmosphere that ultimately drove him away. She did try very hard to never take out her anger and despair out on us kids, but there were times in my memory where her pain was apparent enough to make my own life hell, including physical and emotional abuse. I find it hard now to blame her for all that she put us through, but there are scars that will always be sore points for me and make it difficult to deal with her even now, especially as she can't seem to face her past and the issues it caused. She really doesn't either see or want to remember the rough times. She is happily married now, and has been for a while. He suits her, and I think that she has grown up enough over the past ten or so years that she may actually have a good chance that this one will be her last, I do hope.
With me....I found my Husband early in my life. I met him when I was 19 and I had only had a few very serious relationships at that point. I wasn't looking for a long term partner, and I especially wasn't looking for kids. Life gets funny though, and I got pregnant almost a year after we met....The powers that be must have really wanted me to have this kid, because I got pregnant through two forms of birth control.... Hah!
I had James before my 21st birthday, and he was a great joy, even as he completely rearranged my life. My first thought was that I was NOT going to copy my mother with the whole marriage/divorce thing. My Hubby and I both agreed that we would wait to get married for a few years while we finished school and also to make sure that we really wanted this. Two years later, we finally tied the knot, to the great relief of all the Grandparents... Silly people. I got pregnant with son number two, Galyn, not long afterward. My daughter, Geneveieve, was my Valentine's day present and definitely my last kid...she dislocated both my hips at seven months...we were NOT doing that again! With these three kids, I have worked VERY hard to be a good Mom and try and provide them everything I could. We aren't dirt poor, but we are very far from rich. They don't get everything that they want, but we make sure they have all they need. I have them in Scouting, good schools and keep track of their friends. I also try to keep in mind, at all times, what it felt like to be a kid. It ain't easy...
James has Autism. He is a high school junior, and he has never been to jail even though he has great behavior and academic difficulties. I deal with counselors and psychiatrists and teachers often to help keep him on track and a good kid. So far so good, even though it can be a constant battle....In this my Mother has come full circle and has stepped in to help. He is currently living with her to give him a free space from siblings, and a chance to go to a smaller school that is really helping him....
Galyn is way too smart and is the type of kid that will go incredibly far. I find myself truly amazed that he is my kid. He is sweet, and loving and has a pretty good grip on what he wants to do and where he wants to go in life. He has gone with the People to People Ambassador program to Australia, and he recently was awarded by the Center for Talented Youth John Hopkins University, for being amongst the top 10% of students scoring in the ACT tests. He scored about high school seniors and he is only 13! WOW! He is a die hard boyscout with a chance to eagle by the time he hits 15 years old. He will go far. But he is also a sensitive and loving kid...he treasures his friends greatly and even though he makes friends slowly, those he does count as friends, are deep ones. He was dealt quite the blow this week as one of his closest friends brought a loaded 44 to school with the intent of suicide and "scaring the school at the same time". This friend has been dealing with family issues and has been using Galyn as a sounding block for a while. Galyn has been caught in that horrible place of being scared for his friend and not knowing how to help. Fortunately the kiddo was turned in, the gun removed and he was sent for help. It has been hard for Galyn, but he knows that at least now his friend has a chance of getting help and even getting a break from his family....
My daughter.....she was as unplanned as her oldest brother. I jokingly call her my garage sale baby I was done having kids, or so I though, and I held a garage sale and sold EVERYTHING down to the baby socks. Ha, shows me...I was pregnant two weeks later It is a good thing she is a girl....We had a girl's name picked out early, but could not figure out a boys name that either of us liked at all.... My Hubby finally declared her "SPOT"....Going with that, I said that it could be initials, so I came up with Steven Patrick O'malley Thomas....DAMN good thing she's a girl
She is my treasure. I can say that honestly and strongly. I love my boys intensely, but there is something incredibly strong about my love for my daughter. I see a lot now what my Mother has told me about her bond to me. There really is something there that I don't have with my boys. I find myself watching her for no reason, just reveling in how she moves, the way she tosses her hair, and even the diva attitude that drives me nuts at times. There is so much potential there.... I can't wait to see where she goes, but at the same time I really want her to slow down before she gets too big to hold in my lap anymore.
My Hubby and I just celebrated 18 years together, 15 years of marriage. I am incredibly grateful to have such an awesome partner. He has dealt with all the ups and downs that the kids have thrown us, he has worked damn hard to make sure I could be the at home mom that our kids needed, and he has always been there. He is my Husband, my friend, and my lover....I could ask for nothing more.
I got the best Mother's day presents.... I was sent to Anchorage to "take a break", I was gifted the makings for my favorite mixed drink and I was given lots of hugs before I left. But the biggest present I could ever ask for came from my son Galyn. When we were talking over the incident at school and the troubles his friend has been going through, he hugged me and said, " I have the best parents. When I talk to my friends and hear about their parents, I know that my Mom and Dad love me and are always going to be there for me." That made me cry and feel so good.
I have gone on way too long. If you made it through all my rambling, you are either crazy or a very brave soul I wish ALL the Moms here a very wonderful Mother's Day, and I leave you all with this.....
This weekend is Mother's Day, and I find myself over 300 miles from my kids and from my Mom. I actually feel a bit guilty taking this weekend "off" to relax. I feel that I should probably have stayed home and spent the time with my kids, and dealt with the standard get together dinner we end up having with my Mom. She was quite pissed when I told her that I would be out of town Sunday....
I will admit that I do love my Mother even with all that she has put me through....and I would give my life for my kids even though I often wonder what my life would have been like without them. Heavy thoughts for late at night....
What makes a Mother a Mom? My Mother went through hell all during my childhood. She and my father divorced when I was three and it sent her on a roller-coaster that has only in the past year finally smoothed out. She has been married six times, divorced five and each divorce sent us in a frenzy of moving and a period of financial despair. I learned very young how to be a pillar for her as support and how to be a mother to my brother when she was far too depressed to deal with him. I watched how each time she met and married a guy, she was so fearful of the possiblilty of his leaving, that she really did create the atmosphere that ultimately drove him away. She did try very hard to never take out her anger and despair out on us kids, but there were times in my memory where her pain was apparent enough to make my own life hell, including physical and emotional abuse. I find it hard now to blame her for all that she put us through, but there are scars that will always be sore points for me and make it difficult to deal with her even now, especially as she can't seem to face her past and the issues it caused. She really doesn't either see or want to remember the rough times. She is happily married now, and has been for a while. He suits her, and I think that she has grown up enough over the past ten or so years that she may actually have a good chance that this one will be her last, I do hope.
With me....I found my Husband early in my life. I met him when I was 19 and I had only had a few very serious relationships at that point. I wasn't looking for a long term partner, and I especially wasn't looking for kids. Life gets funny though, and I got pregnant almost a year after we met....The powers that be must have really wanted me to have this kid, because I got pregnant through two forms of birth control.... Hah!
I had James before my 21st birthday, and he was a great joy, even as he completely rearranged my life. My first thought was that I was NOT going to copy my mother with the whole marriage/divorce thing. My Hubby and I both agreed that we would wait to get married for a few years while we finished school and also to make sure that we really wanted this. Two years later, we finally tied the knot, to the great relief of all the Grandparents... Silly people. I got pregnant with son number two, Galyn, not long afterward. My daughter, Geneveieve, was my Valentine's day present and definitely my last kid...she dislocated both my hips at seven months...we were NOT doing that again! With these three kids, I have worked VERY hard to be a good Mom and try and provide them everything I could. We aren't dirt poor, but we are very far from rich. They don't get everything that they want, but we make sure they have all they need. I have them in Scouting, good schools and keep track of their friends. I also try to keep in mind, at all times, what it felt like to be a kid. It ain't easy...
James has Autism. He is a high school junior, and he has never been to jail even though he has great behavior and academic difficulties. I deal with counselors and psychiatrists and teachers often to help keep him on track and a good kid. So far so good, even though it can be a constant battle....In this my Mother has come full circle and has stepped in to help. He is currently living with her to give him a free space from siblings, and a chance to go to a smaller school that is really helping him....
Galyn is way too smart and is the type of kid that will go incredibly far. I find myself truly amazed that he is my kid. He is sweet, and loving and has a pretty good grip on what he wants to do and where he wants to go in life. He has gone with the People to People Ambassador program to Australia, and he recently was awarded by the Center for Talented Youth John Hopkins University, for being amongst the top 10% of students scoring in the ACT tests. He scored about high school seniors and he is only 13! WOW! He is a die hard boyscout with a chance to eagle by the time he hits 15 years old. He will go far. But he is also a sensitive and loving kid...he treasures his friends greatly and even though he makes friends slowly, those he does count as friends, are deep ones. He was dealt quite the blow this week as one of his closest friends brought a loaded 44 to school with the intent of suicide and "scaring the school at the same time". This friend has been dealing with family issues and has been using Galyn as a sounding block for a while. Galyn has been caught in that horrible place of being scared for his friend and not knowing how to help. Fortunately the kiddo was turned in, the gun removed and he was sent for help. It has been hard for Galyn, but he knows that at least now his friend has a chance of getting help and even getting a break from his family....
My daughter.....she was as unplanned as her oldest brother. I jokingly call her my garage sale baby I was done having kids, or so I though, and I held a garage sale and sold EVERYTHING down to the baby socks. Ha, shows me...I was pregnant two weeks later It is a good thing she is a girl....We had a girl's name picked out early, but could not figure out a boys name that either of us liked at all.... My Hubby finally declared her "SPOT"....Going with that, I said that it could be initials, so I came up with Steven Patrick O'malley Thomas....DAMN good thing she's a girl
She is my treasure. I can say that honestly and strongly. I love my boys intensely, but there is something incredibly strong about my love for my daughter. I see a lot now what my Mother has told me about her bond to me. There really is something there that I don't have with my boys. I find myself watching her for no reason, just reveling in how she moves, the way she tosses her hair, and even the diva attitude that drives me nuts at times. There is so much potential there.... I can't wait to see where she goes, but at the same time I really want her to slow down before she gets too big to hold in my lap anymore.
My Hubby and I just celebrated 18 years together, 15 years of marriage. I am incredibly grateful to have such an awesome partner. He has dealt with all the ups and downs that the kids have thrown us, he has worked damn hard to make sure I could be the at home mom that our kids needed, and he has always been there. He is my Husband, my friend, and my lover....I could ask for nothing more.
I got the best Mother's day presents.... I was sent to Anchorage to "take a break", I was gifted the makings for my favorite mixed drink and I was given lots of hugs before I left. But the biggest present I could ever ask for came from my son Galyn. When we were talking over the incident at school and the troubles his friend has been going through, he hugged me and said, " I have the best parents. When I talk to my friends and hear about their parents, I know that my Mom and Dad love me and are always going to be there for me." That made me cry and feel so good.
I have gone on way too long. If you made it through all my rambling, you are either crazy or a very brave soul I wish ALL the Moms here a very wonderful Mother's Day, and I leave you all with this.....
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
This can't last forever but if its gonna be here now I may as well deal with it instead of letting it beat my ass.
I love ya too