morss

Lately I've been hearing about the zombie apocalypse. You know what i'm talking about. "How cool would it be?"
"I know what i would do." "Dude, hold up in the nearest gun store, and wait it out!" "No man, i would totally survive, and kill a fuck-ton of zombies while i'm at it!"
"You think you could like.. do it with one?"


What it comes down to is luck. There are some common sense things to know of course. Here are a couple of pointers for avoiding being eaten by the walking dead.

Stay the hell out of big cities, for obvious reasons. The more people in one area, the more panic, and the more zombie food, of course leading to more zombies.

Stay off of roads. Most people will do anything to survive, including (but not limited to) getting into a car with strangers to get away, without telling them that they may be infected. Abandoned cars may not be entirely abandoned, and should you discover this, the trashing and moaning of a creature to dumb to open a door may draw the attention of other said beasties not confined by such restrictions.

Guns. They wouldn't be my first choice. First, guns are loud. Loud enough to tell everything within miles (under the right circumstances) "Hey!! I'm right here!" That's not to say i would abandon them altogether. Personally i would keep two handguns, and only use them if i'm being chased, and i'm not in a very good position to stop and hack at something with a machete. And i know some of you are thinking, if you get surrounded a machete isn't gonna do much good, but if you get surrounded you're fucked anyway, so you might as well put one of those bullets to good use. The bigger the gun the worse. A hunting rifle is heavy, and you're limiting your field of view to what you can see through the scope. Anything with fully automatic fire is too inaccurate, you'll just waste your ammo hitting everything except the head. Not regularly cleaning your gun will lead to an eventual, and probably lethal, failure to operate. Finally... You WILL run out of bullets before you run out of zombies to shoot.

Blunt objects are a fairly good plan for singled out Z's, or maybe a small group if you're really good. The human body is fragile, and decomposition can't really help with that. An aluminum baseball bat would be my choice. Light, hard to break, and long enough that you can generate enough centripetal force to crush a skull, or shatter other bones pivotal to grabbing, tearing, biting.

Sharpened objects are usually only as good as the care you take to keep it sharp. A dull blade wont do much to slice though anything, unless it's heavier than something you want to have to swing around for hours at a time. My choice would be a machete. Compact, and light, but with enough length to get a good swing in.

Cold weather is good. Without a functioning heart to pump blood though out the body, the moist decomposing body of a zombie will literally freeze solid. On the other hand hot, humid weather will accelerate decomposition, if you're willing to wait a couple weeks for a zombie to decompose into a puddly mess no longer capable of trying to eat you, or move for that matter. It will smell though. BAD!

Big thing here.. If you see Uwe Boll (zombie or not) kill him. After the crimes he's committed against both video games, and movies alike he deserves it. And you can actually get away with it at this point.

So i hope you've learned something here.
zombies, guns, cities, roads, and Uwe Boll=bad.