ITS MY 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF BEING ON SG. TEN FUCKING YEARS. HOLY CRAP.
Its #LoveAHopefulWeek so what better way than to take a look at my journey over the years.
Wow. Ten whole years since I submitted my first ever set. I have been a fan of the site since well before that, having looked up to & admired babes such as @radeo, @scotty, @sash & plenty more that ignited my love of Suicide Girls.
I still remember the feelings I was experiencing while filling in my application & trying to think of names that I wanted to go by. (FUN FACT, I didn't actually start my journey as Morgull, that name came a few yrs later. Bonus points if you can remember what my name was when I submitted my first set.) Those feelings of nerves & excitement carried right through to my very first shoot early one summer morning.
I wanted to take a trip down memory lane & share a photo from each of my sets from over the last 10 years. Ive shot a total of 12 sets with amazing photographers from all over Australia (one set I've since had removed from the site as I didn't feel it represented my best efforts)
Lets start at the beginning, shall we. The place it all began. December 2013 on a secluded little strip of beach on the Gold Coast, QLD at 6am one Summer morning.
SUNRISE SHORE by @neillh
I loved everything about this shoot. Even though it was my first shoot for SG, it certainly wasn't my first ever photoshoot let alone first time being naked on the internet. I had my partner at the time come with me & give him some insight into what kind of world he was about to enter into by being with me. What we didn't realise at the time (and found out a week later) was that I was 6 weeks pregnant with our first child during this shoot. So crazy.
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The next time I stepped in front of a camera for Suicide Girls, wasn't until mid 2015. It was my first time attending a SG Shootfest & I had planned 3 shoots in one day to maximise my chances of leaving the 'hopeful' status behind. First shoot of the day was my first time (there are alot of 1st happening here haha) meeting & shooting with the amazing woman that is @lizzie. She has become such an influential person in my life. We have formed an amazing friendship over the years & is one of my dearest friends. We have gone on to shoot many photos of each other & she is the tog that has shot the most sets of me.
BACK IN BLACK by @lizzie
This set contains some of my favourite photos ever taken of me. If i could choose any set out of all 12 ive shot, THIS is the one that I would choose to turn me pink. Hands down my favourite.
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Next up, I met @coolicio & we shot the 2nd set of the day. Being in a house full of so many other beautiful ladies & watching them pose while shooting their own sets, it inspired me to try something different. This next photo is me pushing myself outside of my 'comfort' zone & doing something I didn't think I'd look good doing but it turned into one of my fave poses from the day.
WILDWOOD FLOWER by @coolicio
Last, but certainly not least, was my final set of the day & the first time I included some of my personality in a shoot. I'm a massive nerd & so I decided to go with something that was a love of mine, Star Wars :) Can you spy the droid helmet in the background?
TK-421 by @mipha
After my lovely weekend at the SGAU shootfest in mid 2015, I flew to Melbourne in Sept, right after my daughter's 1st birthday & a proposal, as it was my first time attending a Suicide Girls Ball. The theme of this one was Goth & so I also took the opportunity while visiting Melb with my baby & partner, to shoot another set. Enter @lizzie again for round 2. She had hired a beautiful apartment just outside of the CBD & we shot my 2nd set together (5th overall). I did shoot another set during my time in Melbourne, but this is the one I've had removed as I wasnt happy with the set overall. I didnt look back at myself & see 'beauty' as I did with so many of my others, so, moving along.
LILA V - @lizzie
After flying back home to QLD, two months later I found out I was pregnant again. Obviously this put a pause on my SG shooting plans. Between that last set & this one,I got married & birthed my son. My next set was shot after his birth (which was August 2016) when I found out that Lizzie was going to be travelling to Brisbane again. I wasn't going to miss the opportunity to catch up with her again. This next set was shot in Dec 2016 on a VERY windy day, hence the set name.
WINDSWEPT by @lizzie
If you go & take a look at the set, you can see just how windy it was as my hair was very hard to control but it does make for some beautiful photos.
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Next up we fast forward to the start of 2017 & my first time having the pleasure of shooting with @milkydame. This wasnt our first meet, we had seen eachother a bunch of times through the organised SGAU community. The day I met her was actually at the 2015 shootfest in Qld when i shot my 3 sets in a day & then again at the Goth Ball in Melbourne. Despite both being in Brisbane & only living a short distance away from one another, it took me this long to actually plan a shoot with her.
THE FIRST AVENGER by @milkydame
Again, here we have me showing off my nerdy side again. Im a big Marvel fan, even though Elektra, Black Panther & Spiderman are my favourites, I chose Capt America as my husband (now ex) had a couple of cosplay props to wear to a convention. This particular photo was his phone screen wallpaper for awhile too hehe.
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November 2017 rolls around & I invite @milkydame out to my house as we had decided to sell the family house my hubby inherited & move onto bigger & better things. One thing that I made sure to do before leaving was shoot a set in the stunning pool we had spent soooo much time in over the years. Enter set number number 9, and second shot by Milkydame.
SUMMERTIME SADNESS by @milkydame
The name of this set was due to the bittersweet feeling of leaving this house & all its memories yet moving to a totally new house & creating all the new ones as a family of 4. I also was told a bunch of times that this particular photo felt very 'Sports Illustrated' & I've always loved that.
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My next set was shot in the middle of 2018 which was my 2nd time working with @coolicio. She had a trip to Brisbane planned so I organised a shoot with her which I ended up naming due to the fact that I was wearing a velvet bodysuit & had my hair in buns :) This was also the set that I felt was my most raunchy at the time.
VELVETEEN BUNNY by @coolicio
There was a MASSIVE gap between this set & the next one I would shoot. So many things in my life happened during this time. My married opened up early 2018 & we eventually became poly right after this set was shot. This was both a good & bad thing but ultimately, bringing a 3rd into my marriage is what ended it in May 2019 (which Ive spoken about in previous blogs) We sold our house & I was thrust back into the rental market.
In Feb 2020, I flew over to Thailand where I had weight loss surgery (vertical sleeve gastrectomy) & then a week after getting home to Aus, lockdowns started to be implemented & the COVID years began. I lost 45kgs during 2020 & had an extremely emotionally abusive relationship with someone I was head over heels in love with & ended up having a surgical pregnancy termination. That fucked me up big time & I ended it on NYE 2020/2021.
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Throughout 2021, I was very much still recovering from the emotional trauma of my ex but fell for another who swept me off my feet. Fast forward to the end of 2021, a week before my 30th birthday, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD & ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) & due to the rental crisis in Australia, we (myself, partner at the time & my two kids) became victims & were left without a rental/house to live in. During this time, I asked the kids dad to take them to provide some stability for them while I dealt with another breakup (turns out this one lied to me about having PTSD from serving in the Marine Corps - long story) & searched for a house. This didn't happen until the end of Feb 2022. Four days after I moved into my new rental, I flew over to Istanbul, Turkey where i had plastic surgery after my weight loss. (wow, sorry for that potential personal overshare, but it was all character building :0 )
I had an extended tummy tuck, 360 liposuction, BBL (brazillian butt lift), a breast uplift/reconstruction & 425cc implants. ALL IN ONE SURGERY. That recovery was intense.
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I didnt end up shooting a new SG set until the first weekend of September 2022. I actually shot with @harpervalentine first but ended up submitting my set with @lizzie which was shot a couple weeks later before it.
FOLLOW ME by @lizzie
What a big 4 years that was between sets. Completely different person that stepped in front of the camera. Not just physically due to the changes my body has been through, but also emotionally. I was a completely different person. I AM a completely different person. I know it might seem silly, but Im still quite self conscious of my scars, despite them being apart of my journey, so you'll notice that they've been edited out of my latest two sets. I appreciate that not everyone would mind if i didn't, but as I'm still mentally coming to terms with the person I look at in the mirror, it was my OWN choice to remove them.
This next set isn't actually out yet, but will be in about a month.
THE FARMER'S DAUGHTER by @harpervalentine
I'm so proud of this one. Its my FIRST set shot with my new body & I was extremely nervous to step in front of the camera again for something that was going to be submitted to a site that is quite dear to me (thats this one & you guys :P ) I cant wait for you all to see it. Harper & I really created some magic & I'm really really excited about its release.
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WELL, thank you to all those that made it this far & read the entire thing. I know it was quite a long blog, quite possibly my biggest, so I do appreciate it if you read the entire thing. I know my ADHD can sometimes cause me to read the first few lines of something & then get distracted or overwhelmed and not finish it. I tried to switch it up with lots of photos, break apart all the big paragraphs & include lots of capitalised words as that usually works for me haha
In conclusion, I am so very proud to be a SG Hopeful & here's hoping 2023 is my year to become PINK. How cool would that be, on my 10 year anniversary :) Here's hoping.
Much Love to you all
Lex xox
@missy @sean @penny @eirenne
#loveahopeful
