it’s my birthday..
i’ve always had very strong feelings about birthdays, and especially complex feelings about my own. for many years, something bad and/or upsetting would happen on my birthday every year. i, more serious than not, began thinking my birthday was cursed. i both dreaded and had high hopes for that day every year, hoping it was better than the last and quite consistently being disappointed, until last year, the best birthday i’d ever had.. spent with the love of my life doing simple and meaningful things.
this year i woke up really sad, i bawled in my car at 4:30am, and i’m not really sure why. i had to cancel something i was planning on treating myself to this morning because i couldn’t afford it. and today especially, i’m getting side effects and no benefits from the medication i started. but i have people in my life who i care about and who care about me in return, which is the best gift i could ever ask for. the love i have been shown from the people in my life is truly unmatched, and i feel so thankful and lucky. my gift to myself this year is grace and patience. understanding. things are still hard. but i will put forth my best effort to stop making them harder by standing in my own way. by comparing myself to others. by thinking about what could/should/would happen if i were different, thought differently. i will fight the ongoing battle to accept all of me.. to work on the worst of me, work with the best of me, and be more truthful about which is which.
thank you for sticking around while i figure everything out, again. thank you riding this roller coaster with me; for letting me know i’m not alone; for your kind words, advice, and well wishes; for caring; and for your patience. i appreciate you all so much, and am so thankful for the tiny corner of the internet you have given me. thank you for sharing your time with me.
⭐️ OF: morguenmarie is 50% off for the rest of may!
⭐️ if you’d like to send me a little something, pls send to $morguexnxmarie with “happy bday” in the tip note :)
⭐️ if you’d like to send me a physical gift, you can find my wishlist in my story right now, or feel free to dm and ask for it:)
thank you so much!
