the last few days have been everything from fun to stressful to aggravating, to sad, and back to fun sort of.
thursday i had a BBQ at my house here and had the lovely opportunity to introduce my friends to one another, and eat much food. guests at the party were Corey, shelly, nina, brandon, catherine, Kayleigh, kirsten, charity, emily, margot, and a surprize appearance by Matt Neary (grin). I got the impression that everyone had a pretty good time. we had an amazing family breakfast the week before and I'm glad dinner was as successful.
It was Catherine's last night, and i'm kind of sad she left, but i understand why. I may have to visit her sometime this summer, and i think that would be awesome
friday i had woken up at 6am to go to my yale new haven apt to check on my brain, and though the doctor seemed encouraged by my interest in starting school again, his bedside manner was nowhere near as good as dr Peipmeyer (my surgeon). He was nice enough to say chemo therapy in front of my mother, or "i believe you can live a normal life" and shit like that, which angered me a little.
There is NO reason why chemo even needed to be brought up, considering i'm not haveing it, and don't need it.
and fuck yes, i'm going to live my life, and thank you very much for giving me permission.I used to zone out, and look to the left (no knowledge of this) for many years before the surgery. Just a brief check out of reality, and i don't do this anymore. My mom and dad always were a bit worried by this, but thought it may be ADD, or something. The doctor just told my mother,that those could have been little seizures, i forget what he refered to them as. my mom was a wreck, she felt bad.
I told her on the ride home, that i wasn't ready at that point of my life anyway to deal with a brain tumor. i already had enough going on. and for that matter, they just didn't know as much as they do now. it wasn't the time, and i'm already struggling to not be that girl "who had a brain tumor" i don't want or need that to be my identity and if i had discovered something then it could have crippled me emotionally.
The other thing which i care less about, but is still a pain in the ass is the meds. I'm taking them and i was under the impression i'd be off them by now. the doctor says 9 months worth should do.
I understand that if i have a seizure, i could do real fucking damage to my self, and my life. I know what the meds are preventing, regardless that it is precautionary. The side effect of being drousy makes me insane.
I'm quicker off the meds, my energy level is better. he said i could have 2 drinks if i needed to. but the meds would enhance the effect of alcohol.
I asked if i could lower my dosage of dilantin to 200m (2 pills instead of 3 a day), my system reacts to drugs so easily. the doctor wavered at first and then said yes.
I was in a funk all day, and then going to purchase put me in a good mood. it's kind of creepy to think i'm not going back there for a bit, the ruckus was fun (i want pictures) I love all my purchase friends. i really hope we can manage to keep in touch.
I moved a bit into my apartment today, and having been a dumbass and not asked if corey could stay there before saying yes to her, i feel kind of shitty about it. my parents kind of unexpectedly blew up at me this morning when i said she'd be there the first couple of weeks. I love corey, and was really looking forward to spending some time with her, and i hope this doesn't effect anything. It was not something anyone needed.
i'm a bit nervous to be back in new york again, i love the city. the energy there is fantastic. But at the same time i love nature just as much, but you just can't go to a movie on a weekday at 12am anywhere out of manhattan. Living at home has been interesting for me, i haven't spent so much time here since freshman year of high school, and thats a bit creepy.
as soon as i'm in there i'm having another party, and whoever wants to come is welcome.
i'm exhausted. love to all my friends. stay in touch.
~morgan
thursday i had a BBQ at my house here and had the lovely opportunity to introduce my friends to one another, and eat much food. guests at the party were Corey, shelly, nina, brandon, catherine, Kayleigh, kirsten, charity, emily, margot, and a surprize appearance by Matt Neary (grin). I got the impression that everyone had a pretty good time. we had an amazing family breakfast the week before and I'm glad dinner was as successful.
It was Catherine's last night, and i'm kind of sad she left, but i understand why. I may have to visit her sometime this summer, and i think that would be awesome
friday i had woken up at 6am to go to my yale new haven apt to check on my brain, and though the doctor seemed encouraged by my interest in starting school again, his bedside manner was nowhere near as good as dr Peipmeyer (my surgeon). He was nice enough to say chemo therapy in front of my mother, or "i believe you can live a normal life" and shit like that, which angered me a little.
There is NO reason why chemo even needed to be brought up, considering i'm not haveing it, and don't need it.
and fuck yes, i'm going to live my life, and thank you very much for giving me permission.I used to zone out, and look to the left (no knowledge of this) for many years before the surgery. Just a brief check out of reality, and i don't do this anymore. My mom and dad always were a bit worried by this, but thought it may be ADD, or something. The doctor just told my mother,that those could have been little seizures, i forget what he refered to them as. my mom was a wreck, she felt bad.
I told her on the ride home, that i wasn't ready at that point of my life anyway to deal with a brain tumor. i already had enough going on. and for that matter, they just didn't know as much as they do now. it wasn't the time, and i'm already struggling to not be that girl "who had a brain tumor" i don't want or need that to be my identity and if i had discovered something then it could have crippled me emotionally.
The other thing which i care less about, but is still a pain in the ass is the meds. I'm taking them and i was under the impression i'd be off them by now. the doctor says 9 months worth should do.
I understand that if i have a seizure, i could do real fucking damage to my self, and my life. I know what the meds are preventing, regardless that it is precautionary. The side effect of being drousy makes me insane.
I'm quicker off the meds, my energy level is better. he said i could have 2 drinks if i needed to. but the meds would enhance the effect of alcohol.
I asked if i could lower my dosage of dilantin to 200m (2 pills instead of 3 a day), my system reacts to drugs so easily. the doctor wavered at first and then said yes.
I was in a funk all day, and then going to purchase put me in a good mood. it's kind of creepy to think i'm not going back there for a bit, the ruckus was fun (i want pictures) I love all my purchase friends. i really hope we can manage to keep in touch.
I moved a bit into my apartment today, and having been a dumbass and not asked if corey could stay there before saying yes to her, i feel kind of shitty about it. my parents kind of unexpectedly blew up at me this morning when i said she'd be there the first couple of weeks. I love corey, and was really looking forward to spending some time with her, and i hope this doesn't effect anything. It was not something anyone needed.
i'm a bit nervous to be back in new york again, i love the city. the energy there is fantastic. But at the same time i love nature just as much, but you just can't go to a movie on a weekday at 12am anywhere out of manhattan. Living at home has been interesting for me, i haven't spent so much time here since freshman year of high school, and thats a bit creepy.
as soon as i'm in there i'm having another party, and whoever wants to come is welcome.
i'm exhausted. love to all my friends. stay in touch.
~morgan
and thanks fr the coment on my set, and i'd send you that skirt if i could find it . takce care!