moonrabbit

My life seems to have taken a severe turn for teh boring.
It's gotten to that point again where sitting around doing nothing is no longer rewarding.
Sarita can't come over today so I'm left with a beef heart dinner and boondock saints all to myself.... Mmm... Beef Heart....
I'll have to see if I can drag some of me buddies out tonight.

I have plenty of books to read. Finanfial planning, Canadian Firearms Safety Guide, book on urban exploring called Access All Areas by 'Ninjalicious'.
Don't be fooled into thinking I'm a big reader though. I might finish the firearms book today, which I'll then have to review several times over. The other two will take forever.
I also got a copy of Lederhosen Lucil's book and had it signed the other night. Didn't go to the concert though.

I suppose I might get up the gumption to start working on my matrix coat tonight.

I've noticed I'm not nearly as social as I used to be. or rather, have been for periods in my life. I'm all quiet and shy away from everybody. Now that I've caught it I might be able to abolish it.

One thing that's been bothering me latly, which used to just make me hate everybody, is that people don't seem to think much of me right off the bat. Despite my position. Rather than having a job that people would respect, they seem to respect that job less because they see me doing it... Errrm.. Lemmie put out an example.

I'm working behind my bench the other day. A lady comes in, I go over to help her. She has a bracelet. (Cheapo turquoise and silver bangle she got in Navada or something.) It means the world to her (no shit) But the stone's loose. Looks to me like the bezel was never set, the stone's hardly held in there at all... Yeah, real wonderful piece of jewelry there lady.
I give her my assessment and suddenly she seems supprised and very nervous that I'm the one who will be working on it. "Be very careful with it". I'm thinking. Yeah I've worked on things older and more valuable than you..
Anyway. The next morning I shut the paper thin bezel in two minutes. Asked the boss what we should charge, told her the lady was snotty to me so she said $15, I chuckled because that's whatI was planning on charging her. Anybody else. I was thinking $5 maybe $10.

Next instance was later that day. I come out of the back room, fastening my apron and I see a guy walking past in the mall. He imediatly catches sight of me. I'm thinking 'Ok what's he want'. He walks past then comes in. Explains to the manager that his job is to find work for disabled, maybe wheelchair bound individuals, and was wondering what was involved in the work I do. Eventualy we explain that I've been training for three or four years and that seemed to answer his question.

Here's how I saw it... Guy walks by, takes one look at me then wonders if a retard would be able to do my job as well as I do.
It was all just too apparent that these people were judging me by my age. I'm not handling it as well as I might have in the past. My hatred for people used to give me strength. Not so much any more.

Another thing I've noticed about me... Very jealouse.
now that Sarita's not with her boyfriend, I'm jealouse of any of the other guys she's dating..
I've never been the jealouse type especialy with someone I know feels so strongly for me.
This is someting I realized a little while back and I've been working on it. I think it started with the trip to Novascotia.
Seeing the smart girl with the yaoi fetish I liked pick big dumb, racist, homophobe, backwater canadian, muscle jock over me really mindfucked me good.

Well there's my little psychological analasys of myself. I'ma go shower then try to do something productive.

Can't wait to sink my teeth into that beef heart.
Mmmmmm.