moonlil

So i kept trying to upload a video but with no luck! I'll write it out instead then. I had to break up with my boyfriend. It was very tearful and painful. It hurts me more how much he hates himself then the fact that he said he was looking for a loose girl to fuck (apparently while drunk but that's no excuse). He feels horrible and doesn't think anyone deserves to put up with him. I know i can survive things but i wish i had the same confidence for him. No matter what happened to me i don't want him hurting. I feel like such a horrible person for hurting the one i love like that but i know i had to. It just feels like i don't deserve to be happy for what i did (i know it's not true). I just can't help it. I just need to push through it. I'm strong and want no pity, though sympathies are okay. Quite plainly i don't care how i feel about it. I just want him to be okay. When you love someone even if they hurt you you don't want them hurt. At least i don't. If i could make him forget me or not love me i would to save him the pain. Well it's depressing and i'm sure you guys understand so i'll move on.

I'm trying to go back to school for accounting but things are just too expensive! My parents want me to go back but i'm not sure they realize that we just don't have the money. I swear i'm going to have to sell an arm or something. I can deal with so many matters of the heart but money just stresses me out beyond belief. I'm going to apply for a job with my mom that'll make a little bit more money but it wont help much. Maybe it'll help me pay my bills faster though. I hope i get it. That student loan is killing me.

I guess this is one of those annoying stressful blogs but it feels kind of nice to let it out. I'll have to be sure to make an awesome video or pic to make up for it. In my video i was saying mother's day but it never uploaded! So well late mother's day everyone! I spent the day with my mom eating spanish food that i love. She cooks the best food. I want to cook like her one day when i'm married. I'm always so proud of her. She has her faults of course but she works hard and i know she loves us. She can cook and she's so pretty. I hope i stay that way too. Wow marriage, what a thought. I'm too young but it's strangely comforting to think of waking up to someone every morning, to bring home their favorite food from the store. To cuddle up watching movies and to be free in bed without worrying they'll think you're strange. Oh man to grab someone on the stairs randomly or in the kitchen! Very sexy! I'll be the crazy wife who attacks her husband in the middle of everything

Oh my blog made it to 1 k! I'm so happy about that! Part of me wasn't sure it'd make it though i hoped really hard! hmm now uh 1500? Lol a girl can dream right?