moon_pie_maggie

i thought i might want a girlfriend for a change. two weeks ago i pretty sure that is what i wanted, seeing as i was going on dates with girls behind Steve's back. but alas, my fickle mind has now turned again. I'm still with Steve... but the time is biding until it ends. I have to be stable before i decide to up and run again. My new job was a little stressful for the first week. Now i'm all trained up and I have made friends! this is why i am fickle, because one of the friends i made is this AMAZING person who i have everything in common with but is still really different from me.
He's extremely spontaneous but at the same time he can just sit and listen to jazz music and read really morbid kiddy poetry with me. It's going to be really hard to hide my feelings from anyone about this. I rarely meet people I am this compatible with. What i used to like about Steve was that he had goals and he was really driven and passionate about his art, but it has consumed him and he thinks about nothing else. i want to have fun, but instead I sit in my house and wonder why i didn't suceed in killing myself when i had the chance. I feel like i have so many things i want to accomplish now to go back into that state of mind.
the rain is pouring outside but the wind is nowhere to be found. I'm going outside for some possible puddle jumping. Anyone else?