For all of my bluster about finally being done, I'm still pretty busy. Does that change at all? At what point do I get like, permanent kick-back status? Retirement? For some reason in the back of my mind I was thinking about all day MMORPG time, happy frolicking days amongst flowers and trees, coffee time with my mom, catching up on all those novells I'd like to read, etc. But at the same time I find that I want to make some money, get "established," con some hapless woman into marrying and having babies with me, getting some additional certifications, and persuing my military career.
It's kinda like sprinting tword the finish line and already thinking about the next race. Hmmmm.....funny thing is, I've never considered myself to be all that driven. I mean, ten years for a four year degree = not driven. Right?
I'm trying to think...what's worth telling you guys...
I had a great hour and a half long conversation with a friend of mine about spiritual connectedness last night during which I had several revelations:
Music, enjoying it, feeling it, swaying with it, singing with it, is a path to spiritual enlightenment and connectedness. Some of you may be thinking "Dude, you're 32 and just figuring this out?" Well, on an intuitive level I've been doing it since I was about 13, but last night was the first time I'd ever had any concrete thoughts about it, and that brings me to another revelation: I've been busy. Too busy to connect with my soul. Too distracted. It's been much too long since I've fallen in love with anything. I told my friend about an experience of mine a few months ago when, early in the morning, I was drinking coffee, smoking a cigarette, and eating chocolate. There wasn't anything particularly special about any of the delights I had on hand, but the flavors mixed so well, and the sensations became so powerful, that time slowed for a bit and I got caught up in the moment. It was a moment where I closed my eyes and felt what was happening to me. The chocolate slid across my tongue and down my throat, the smoke filled my lungs like it was breathing for me, and the hot coffee mixed the flavors together and washed them down clean to start again. The experience of a moment lasted forever in my mind. It was extasy. Months later I can almost - but not quite - recapture it in my mind.
That my friends is spirituality...of a sort. Relating this to my friend got me thinking, when's the last time I had something like that with a human being? It's been ages, ages, ages ago. I remember being in love. I can almost - but not quite - relive it, remember it, catch hold of it. There was a time I remember, with a woman I loved, when I was aware of my own heart beating, every movement of her hand, the way she smelled, the look in her eye, and the softness of her skin. It all happend in a moment that never seemed to end. That was love, that was extasy, that was spirtual awakening.
Of course, most days now cigarettes are ashes before I give them a second thought, coffee comes in bitter gulps best forgotten, hugs and kisses are left behind for the next task, and wouldn't you know? I have an appointment in an hour. I gotta go.
It's kinda like sprinting tword the finish line and already thinking about the next race. Hmmmm.....funny thing is, I've never considered myself to be all that driven. I mean, ten years for a four year degree = not driven. Right?
I'm trying to think...what's worth telling you guys...
I had a great hour and a half long conversation with a friend of mine about spiritual connectedness last night during which I had several revelations:
Music, enjoying it, feeling it, swaying with it, singing with it, is a path to spiritual enlightenment and connectedness. Some of you may be thinking "Dude, you're 32 and just figuring this out?" Well, on an intuitive level I've been doing it since I was about 13, but last night was the first time I'd ever had any concrete thoughts about it, and that brings me to another revelation: I've been busy. Too busy to connect with my soul. Too distracted. It's been much too long since I've fallen in love with anything. I told my friend about an experience of mine a few months ago when, early in the morning, I was drinking coffee, smoking a cigarette, and eating chocolate. There wasn't anything particularly special about any of the delights I had on hand, but the flavors mixed so well, and the sensations became so powerful, that time slowed for a bit and I got caught up in the moment. It was a moment where I closed my eyes and felt what was happening to me. The chocolate slid across my tongue and down my throat, the smoke filled my lungs like it was breathing for me, and the hot coffee mixed the flavors together and washed them down clean to start again. The experience of a moment lasted forever in my mind. It was extasy. Months later I can almost - but not quite - recapture it in my mind.
That my friends is spirituality...of a sort. Relating this to my friend got me thinking, when's the last time I had something like that with a human being? It's been ages, ages, ages ago. I remember being in love. I can almost - but not quite - relive it, remember it, catch hold of it. There was a time I remember, with a woman I loved, when I was aware of my own heart beating, every movement of her hand, the way she smelled, the look in her eye, and the softness of her skin. It all happend in a moment that never seemed to end. That was love, that was extasy, that was spirtual awakening.
Of course, most days now cigarettes are ashes before I give them a second thought, coffee comes in bitter gulps best forgotten, hugs and kisses are left behind for the next task, and wouldn't you know? I have an appointment in an hour. I gotta go.