monsterjoe

A funny thing happend to me last Saturday (names changed to protect the guilty)...


I get home from Reserve duty at about 5 or 6pm and do my thing - strip and alternate between porn and videogames - when at about 10 or so I hear a lite knock at the door. Now, I have an uberly hot hot hot upstairs neighbor who doesn't think I'm completely weird and does grace me with her presence occasionally, so I'm thinking it's her, pull on some shorts and a shirt, and open the door to a complete stranger.

She's blonde, taller than me, curvey, very good looking, and very well endowed.

She says "Hi I'm so-and-so's sister (my other neighbor accross the alley). She's not home yet and my ride left me. Can I come in and pee?"

My very first reaction is that this is a set up for a robbery, but a split second later I think "no, she's got the name right." I poke my head out of the door and look around just in case. Everything seems fine, so I let her in.

She finishes up in the bathroom and comes back out front. She says, "You would not believe what happend to me. I got in a fight with my friend and I ended up walking here. So-and-so's out of town, but she's coming to get me. Can I stay here until she gets back?"

I realize by now that the woman is drunk, slurring her speach ever so slightly, and smelling like alcohol. I do know her sister even if she is just an acquaintance, and I'm thinking that I can't leave this women to hang out outside until whenever. So I say, "Um, sure. You can hang out for a while if you want."

She takes a seat on my couch and procedes to chat with me. We talk about this and that and I find out that she's married and has a two year old child at home. I try to be hospitable and offer her a drink. She asks for wine and I open a bottle of Chardonay. She says "boy you are so clutch dude." After the first glass she starts to get flirty saying things like "you are a handsome man...I can't believe you're home alone on a Saturday...you should be having crazy sex with some woman."

I find this pretty suspicious. I mean, I do OK in life, but beautiful women do not just show up at my door uninvited looking for sex...

...damn

So I get pretty uneasy with this obviously drunk and obviously amourous woman who I don't know from Eve. This woman who's married, but who's also told me that she and her husband are on the rocks and on the verge of divorse. I'm thinking to myself that I should get another pair of eyes on this situation and I call my best buddy B. who lives around the block and who is one of my ace's for cookey situations. I call her number that has been the same for 10 years and I get Ramona's answering machine I do this twice.

In the mean time the drunk lady has now been at my place for an hour or so and her sister hasn't shown yet. It turns out that she hadn't actually talked to her sister yet, but she was still trying to get a hold of her. I ask her to call her husband and let him know where she is. She does and the husband (who's at home in Chico) and I talk about the best way to handle this. I tell him that if so-and-so doesn't show up in an hour or so I'll call a cab and get his drunk wife to a hotel. He's OK with this.

By now the drunk lady is getting restless and starts calling her sister every five minutes or so, calling her husband every now and then, and keeps telling me stuff like, "I'll just walk to a hotel."

I tell her that's not such a good idea - she's drunk and it's late - but I'm still nervous around this gal for some reason, so I call the really hot hot hot upstairs neighbor and she agrees to come down and chaperone much to the drunk lady's annoyance.

Nothing other than conversation happens for another hour or so. So-and-so does finally show up and boy is she pissed off. She drove almost an hour back home (she was with her boyfriend) to come get her drunk big sister and she was in no mood for pleasantries. "Come on we're going" was all she said to the drunk lady and she wouldn't even step through the door.

They leave and I relax. The hot upstairs neighbor is drinking a beer on my love seat and doesn't act like she's going anywhere fast. We start talking, but about 10 minutes later we here the door slam accross the way. I look out to see so-and-so running out of the complex. I follow her and ask "what's wrong? what's wrong?" As she's getting into her car she yells "she's a bitch. She's crazy and I'm calling the cops." I say, "don't call the cops. Is there something I can do?" She just says, "please go away."

I back off and head into my place. I figured that if so-and-so drives off and the drunk one is in her appartment, then they're both still safe and I have no worries. Everything stays quiet for about 20 minutes. The hot neigbor is still on my couch but it's getting late and I have another day of drill to go to. All of a sudden all hell breaks loose in the apartment across the way. The hot neigbor and I run outside to so-and-so's place and we hear crashes and screams coming from the open door. The hot neighbor says "you have to call the cops." I say, "I hate the cops." She says, "I know, but you have to call them now." So we run back inside my place and I dial 9-1-1. No sooner did I pick up the phone and dial when so-and-so comes running into my place screaming "Help! She's trying to kill me!" I lock the door behind her as I just start speaking to the dispatcher. So-and-so is freaking right the fuck out on my couch panting, crying, and yelling "she kicked me in the head...she threw me against the dresser...I know she's trying to kill me...I've never seen her like this." In the mean time I'm talking to the dispatcher and trying to explain that two sisters are having a fight and no, no one needs an ambulance and no one has a weapon, but they need to send some cops over anyway.

The drunk one shows up at my door during all of this and in the calmest most rational voice I've heard out of her all night she says "Joe, open the door please. Please let me in." I tell her that I can't do that and that I'm on the phone with the police. She says, "I want you to call the police Joe, can I come in?" I tell her no again and tell her that the police are on the way. I watch her through the window walk back into her sister's appartment.

The SPD takes about 10 minutes (forever) to get here. When they arrive they come to my place first and start talking to the mess of emotions on my couch.

"I want to press charges. I want her to be charged with assault and battery. I want a restraining order and I want her out of my appartment." So-and-so goes from frowning and yelling to sobing. She's really quite pretty and vain, and I'm afraid I must have been staring at her like she was a circus freak. The police officer never is impressed by the details of the assualt (she THREW me against the dresser! I think my arm's numb...) and does his best to talk so-and-so out of pressing charges. She insists so he and his partner leave to talk to the drunk one in the other place. They come back in about 10 more minutes and inform so-and-so that her sister says that she was the one who was attacked and that they are both going to be cited and taken to jail.

An hour or so later no one is in jail, so-and-so goes back to her boyfriend wherever, and the drunk one gets taken off by the cops presumeably to a hotel to sleep things off. I eventually ask the hot neighbor to leave as I now have all of two hours to get some sleep.

Pretty disapointing huh?

Here's the catch. I've been thinking about the drunk one all week. I can't get her off my mind. I just keep thinking "what if?" What if all that stuff with her sister was her just pissed that we...well, that we just didn't hit it off? Where is she now? Is she OK? I haven't seen or heard from either of the sisters since that night. I think they both must be very embarassed about the whole thing, but as thankful to me as they were the whole night, I would have thought they'd say something.

The whole thing was just strange. I mean, I'm no angel what the hell got into me that night?