Here are some interesting facts about me and my life, I hope you enjoy! Feel free to ask questions in the comments
1) my favourite smells are wood preserve, the tears of a clown and pirates
2) I don’t eat food but absorb energy by touching overhead power cables.
3) I was once found smouldering in a ditch after touching overhead power cables.
4) I...
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Good evening apocalypse dwellers. Have you ever been in chased by a pack of shuffling zombies and wondered too late how you could have disguised your presence from them before being torn apart and eaten alive?....no you haven’t.
Here are some tips for urban/rural camouflage to hide from the IRS or pesky neighbors after setting their car on fire.
Go to a hardware store and...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
user0114221034:
Oh thank you! It is, well I guess you could see whatever you want to see, but I was thinking pirate theme :)!
monkeytable:
@annajune I saw one of the preview shots, looks amazing, really looking forward to seeing it all, very beautiful! It’s definitely a theme I’d like to see more of.
I love it when a plan comes together or whatever.
This week I thought my house had been invaded by unseen evil entities as my collection of miniature golf paraphernalia appeared to be moving of its own volition.
I have set up cameras in every room to catch them in the act but so far have only got footage of my cat playing with his...
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I’ve been digging a tunnel from my living room to the warehouse of my local shop. Nothing sinister you understand I just don’t like paying for food.
I think my neighbors Mr and Mrs Jones are getting suspicious as the mound of earth in my back yard is now 40ft high and the second largest man made structure in my neighborhood.
I’ve taken to digging...
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I like many artists am unappreciated in my own time, much like Lovecraft or The Beatles, unloved and unheard of until death.
I will continue to plough my lone furrow, writing some of the most powerful poetry this earth and possibly universe has, and probably will ever see.
Today I’ve decided to write about a topic many of us are currently concerned about, the likely...
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Although I lurk in darkness and refuse to go out in the sun I’m in fact just a human that doesn’t tan well.
This next short poem however is about the most famous vampire of all time, Count Chocula!
Begins
Pour on the milk he’s lurking around, covered in chocolate with the nose of a hound
He’s coming to get you, there’s nowhere to run,...
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Recently I’ve been stretching my poetic legs and creating some of the most vibrant and vivid prose of this age.
To continue in that vein I’ve constructed what may well be considered my masterpiece by future generations and certainty not something I made up as I went along!
The essence of time has long been pondered by scholars and fuckwits alike. This is my interpretation,...
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I thought I’d attempt yet another masterpiece of poetry about a fantastic voyage I dreamt about after eating too many cheese puffs.
Begins
I gaze above and see its shine, I gaze in awe I must go dine
upon the cheese I’ve heard is bella , better than cheddar or mozzarella
I build a ship from metal and wood, fly to the moon? I think...
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In olde English I would be known as a bounder, a bohemian cad, a country rogue, a gentleman fop, possibly a sexual tyrannosaurus? But probably not. My neighbor Mrs. Jones asked me if I’d like to see her toothless gibbon, I have no idea what she meant, but I’m more of a chimp man myself!
I have many talents one of which I mentioned in...
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This poem was inspired by what critics have called the greatest movie ever made ‘Honey I shrunk the kids’.
Begins
As I stood in an attic dark, the shrinking ray had missed its mark
A baseball flew through the window pane, shattering glass and splintering frame.
The ray had swung and to my surprise, struck me right between the eyes
Stepping back I howled in...
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monkeytable:
I’m most proud of this poem, I believe I’ve now reached the writing capability of a 4th grader!
Captain Roy was a man of few words, his tongue had been eaten by a flock of birds.
Every night he writhed in bed, a lizard man had shaved his head.
He ate only fish he caught with a hook, his penis got crushed by a heavy book.
His friends despised his withered hand, he couldn’t keep time in their covers band
Captain Roy was...
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monkeytable:
This poem is about my good friend Captain Roy who tragically died in a baked goods related accident and suffered many mishaps that rhymed easily.
I thought it might be helpful to describe a typical day in my so called life, but first some background.
It may surprise you to know that monkey table isn’t my real name but an alias I made up to sound cool, my name is really Crackerjack Von Muffledscream. I have no concept of a blog and never will. I am fond of people but...
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