monkeytable

I’ve noticed that lots of people are writing nonsense blogs to get more likes, I’ve written over 20 today raising awareness of this issue.

hogtying Bhutto just jhuu log Nguyen jutdx pouch we’d pour vids Kufic nuts logic Pugh kitchen onyx

Thank you for your concern

monkeytable

If anyone would like some fun please comment ‘yes I would enjoy fun’ to show their love of having fun.

thank you for your cooperation

Monkeytable

Here are some facts about me:

1) I created the characters ‘the man with the characteristics of a spider’ and ‘that guy wearing a type of robotic suit’ but Marvel changed the names to ‘Spider-Man’ and ‘Ironman’

2) I don’t eat food but absorb energy by touching overhead power cables.

3) I was once found smouldering in a ditch after touching overhead power cables.

4)...
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This is a guide for taking your first steps into the world of sex.

Sex starts at home (or in the alley behind burger hut for me). Before taking the steps to find a willing partner to engage in sexual activity maybe practice on yourself first, I find it enjoyable to pleasure myself by vigorously touching my genitalia until my face contorts to resemble Quasimodo...
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Wang, wand, jiggle stick, the magic man, one eyed trouser snake, mighty axe, last turkey in the shop, penus, boner, meat sword, member, phallus, dick, cock, pecker, prick, rod, schlong, willy, Johnson, weenie, shaft, woodie, purple love ballon, sugar stick, chode, chubber, dong, knob, rumplefourskin, joystick, skin flute, stiffy, the polo necked gentleman, mini-me, intercontinental pipeline, crafnar the pleasure bringer, Dave.

if there are anymore...
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Just to be clear I have never murdered another human being or a monkey dressed like a chef. I have however been knocked unconscious by an air hockey puck whilst eating spaghetti at Chucky Cheese.

If you want to commit your first murder you’ve come to the right place. This is the next instalment in my hugely popular beginners guides ( one of them got...
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Remember when you were a kid and it was easy to make friends? Just asking ‘what’s your name’ and even if there was ensuing silence for what seemed like hours, a shared activity could lead to a lifelong friendship.

I’ve found as I’ve got older that quite a lot of people are cunts and that I don’t really want to hang out with them (it’s...
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Have you ever stared at someone across the room and felt an instant connection, before being ejected from the bar for being a leering sleazy perv? I haven’t but I have heard of people as Hotel Transylvania call it ‘zinging’ or love at first sight.

Is this nothing more than primal lust or an innate urge to copulate with a willing partner with suitable DNA...
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I have some old band names I’d like to dispose of, let me know what you’d like from the list below:

Permed merkin

The dribbling quims

Muffled sex scream

Ray gun rampage

Mythical load

Squalid beast wagon

Run! Minotaur!

Accidental marriage

BBQ bandits

Death death death

Troubling crotch whiff

The unfortunate haircuts

Pubic Lyceum

Damp expectations

Facial scrotum

Please send help! Can’t…. Speak …. for…..long…..wasted…. time…. typing…. full stops…..rather…. than getting to the point. My island adventure has struck disaster, all out of strong booze after 2 weeks. Please come with more drink, I’ll pay you back on arrival, I’m totally good for it.

Directions to island available on application.

toodlepip

Monkeytable

Good evening to you! As I write this I’m contemplating moving to a small island somewhere in the pacific away from the drudgery of modern living.

I plan to leave in 3 weeks in a small ship loaded with provisions and expect to arrive some time in March if I’ve not been sunk by some fucking sea monster or lured to my death by sirens....
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Celebrate some guy failing to blow up the government who was caught and brutally executed by being hung drawn and quartered.

celebrate by burning his effigy on huge bonfires and setting off a shit ton of fireworks. It was in 1605 but fuck it a party’s a party, and at least Guy Fawkes lent his image to a very cool mask. 💣 💥 🔥👺💂♀️