has anyone ever felt that their life is so bland and vanilla? that the same routines day after day are just shaving off the bits and pieces of life that you enjoy? things that you should, and would normally, be excited for are no longer exciting to you? that you feel this gaping chasm of SOMETHINGS MISSING in your chest?
my days have been starting off crappy; i'm waking up with sore throats, delusions, and intense stomach pains.
then they get better.
but at some point i crash. and i'm crashing hard.
theres nothing in particular that triggers it, but it has put me on edge.
like i picked a fight with my mother and brother yesterday cos erich left the house with 200$ of my stuff, that ended with me screaming 'YOURE A USELESS CUNT' to my brother, and telling my mom that shes doing a shitty job raising him, and she should do SOMETHING bout him.
one day, the mafia will be after him and he will get killed.
then we'll be next.
doesnt she realise that.
i want to escape from all this, for even a little bit. the feelings and the fights.
god dammit.
i have no place to run to.
my days have been starting off crappy; i'm waking up with sore throats, delusions, and intense stomach pains.
then they get better.
but at some point i crash. and i'm crashing hard.
theres nothing in particular that triggers it, but it has put me on edge.
like i picked a fight with my mother and brother yesterday cos erich left the house with 200$ of my stuff, that ended with me screaming 'YOURE A USELESS CUNT' to my brother, and telling my mom that shes doing a shitty job raising him, and she should do SOMETHING bout him.
one day, the mafia will be after him and he will get killed.
then we'll be next.
doesnt she realise that.
i want to escape from all this, for even a little bit. the feelings and the fights.
god dammit.
i have no place to run to.
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But that's just me being happy because I know things could be worse.