I don't go looking from surrealism in my life. However, sometimes it just like to kick-in the front door, grab a beer from the fridge, wrestle the remote out of my hand & seat in front of the TV channel surfering.
My friend Sue and I at one point seemed to be a magnet for an alternative universe called "You What!!". We'd be sucked into it and then returned thinking "You What!!". Here is one on those parallel universe events that happened in the mid 90's.
Sue invited me down to London to a free concert in a park, she wasn't 100% sure where it was but had a fair idea. Unfortunately, we couldn't find it after travelling on the London underground for an hour. So she went into a taxi firm on one side of the road and I went into one on the other side. When I stepped out of my respective taxi office, a bloke was on the other side of the road clearly chatting Sue up. He had a broken bike over one shoulder and a rolled up piece of carpet over the other.
Anyway, I joined them and "Duke" had agreed to show my friend Sue where the park was, which he then had to adjust to being Sue and myself. However, before he could do that he had to drop off the carpet first. In the five - ten minute walk to our "drop off the carpet" destination, he discovered Sue & I were just friends, and not "fuck buddies" as he enquired. He merrily divulged with no encouragement his mother was in the Jamaican police force, his dad was in the clergy there, he had lived in the UK for 30 years, and oh yeah.... That he owned three brothels!
We reached a shop that sat all on its own in a block of residential house. Duke bless him proceeded to stand on the pavement mapping out the brothel below after putting his broken bike down.
"And here is the reception area, over here is the dungeon, next to that...."
I was just gob smashed I could not believe what this guy was doing, being open and honest is one thing but this was insane. I looked at the shop window which displayed a couple of dresses that looked like they were from the 1940's and had a layer of dirt an inch thick on them to reflect that. But the cherry on top was the sign that read "Bout" as the other half of it had obviously given up the will to live sometime previously and fallen off.
The bizarreness of it was broken by Sue's pager going off (what can I say it was the 90's! Pagers were in). She asked Duke if she could use a phone, he hesitated for moment then said yes. So it was I entered my first brothel, as we went down two flights of stairs I noticed there were pages taken from the Daily Sport newspaper stuck on the darkly painted walls, which were failing miserable to hid the dirt. Quality it was NOT! Homely it was NOT! Cheap & Tacky that it WAS!
We exited into a narrow corridor and Duke took us into the "reception room", the walls again were an unpleasant colour and the furniture was so oddly mixed and some it piled in corners that it looked more like a storeroom. Now I've never seen a prostitute except for that TV/film land stereotypical image format and to my shock that stereotype was sat in the corner of the room. Really the makeup was enough to scare a clown, let alone a customer! It was like reality had taken a running karate to my midriff and was continuing to kick me in the head as I lay there.
Don't get me wrong although I won't or don't think I would use a prostitute myself. I do believe it should be legalised so that those involved can then be protected in every way. I have no moral judgement against it whatsoever as I think that's all hogwash. FACT! You're not better than someone else simply because of the job they do unless they kill or torture people for a living.
Anyway, Duke took Sue to another room, as the phone in the reception area was incoming only to stop the girls using it. Charming!
An embarrassing silence sat filing its nails & looking through Cosmopolitan, between the lady of the night and myself. "Do you come here often" really doesn't cut it! And she clearly had no idea what I was doing there! And keep looking at me suspiciously! Probably without realising it I was giving off signals like "I'm an idiot get me out of here" lol.
Upon their return Duke with great enthusiasm wanted to show us the brothel, his original hesitance now firmly tied to a rock and tossed over board.
Further down the corridor was the shower he revealed pulling back the shower curtain, no door or separate room just shower curtain. Next was the bedroom, the first thing that struck me was the ceiling was flat until just above the head of the bed where it rose at a sharp angle to the skylight. At that angle there was a film of dirt & dust that would have made the dresses in the shop window look clean. Meanwhile Duke has removed the plastic rose from the towel on the bed and had been busily transforming said towel into a fan shape and placed the rose back on top of it. WHY!!!! It was like a chef showing you his rat-infested kitchen and putting the vegetable peelings in the bin. It's a lost cause!!! That brothel was so far down the market it would have to dig upwards to reach the bottom of the barrel. I felt sorry for the woman who worked there and for the men who went there. Quality was a four-letter word, not helped by the mannequin stood in the corner of the room in cheap & odd lingerie. I just keep starring at it thinking "Why?"
Duke took us to the park but there was nothing there, then Sue explained what we were looking for and Duke knew where it was offering to take us but he had to do one or two things, first. So we piled into a taxi and went to brothel number two, still with piece of carpet which in fact turned out to be a large mat. The brothel again was beneath a shop however this was a real business, were as the first shop did not even seem to have an entrance to it (just as well, really!). This business however, was being refurbished and was very nice, despite no fixtures or fittings yet except the mirrors and pine flooring and panelling. It was going to be a hair dresses and nail shop and Duke dutifully explained the layout to use. While this was going on one of the working girls came up after finishing her shift I think - to be honest I really can't remember. She was very pretty and about 5 ft tall, however, (there has bound to be one!), she had her toe nails filed to a point! Duke then disappeared downstairs to deliver carpet mat after Sue promised she would not leave; he did not invite us down as they had customers. So that was the second brothel I'd ever been in.
Back into taxi, which thankfully Duke was paying for and onto where he lived, so he could get changed, before we all headed onto the concert. Duke lived above a furniture shop on a busy high road, I liked it as the furniture was a bit different and the shop was nicely done up. Living with him on the second floor was his son and grandchildren and on the third floor.... You guessed it a brothel, which he took Sue & I to see. The photos on the walls in this building were far better here, black & white erotic framed photos. His son was painting the reception area, which was big and bright but strangely in 3 different colours. Duke introduced Sue to the 3 or 4 girls in the room "This is Sue, she is not in the business". I later told Sue as long as she lives she will never be introduced that way again, no one will use the phrase "Not in the business" lol. I was left in reception totally by myself as Sue went with Duke to decide what he was going to wear. The ladies went back to.... Actually I have no idea where they went & his son when downstairs to the shop. While I sat there enjoying the kaleidoscope of colour that was that room and ambience of stale cigarette smoke. It dawn on me that in just a few hours I'd been in 3 brothels and how surreal the day had become. When one of the ladies went past the open door to her room with a punter in tow. For one brief moment the punters eyes and mine meet in mutual embarrassment.
It just crowned of the experience to a tee!
Sue later asked me if I had got turned on in the bedroom of 1st brothel. I have no idea what drugs that woman was taking but they were not available on prescription!!
My friend Sue and I at one point seemed to be a magnet for an alternative universe called "You What!!". We'd be sucked into it and then returned thinking "You What!!". Here is one on those parallel universe events that happened in the mid 90's.
Sue invited me down to London to a free concert in a park, she wasn't 100% sure where it was but had a fair idea. Unfortunately, we couldn't find it after travelling on the London underground for an hour. So she went into a taxi firm on one side of the road and I went into one on the other side. When I stepped out of my respective taxi office, a bloke was on the other side of the road clearly chatting Sue up. He had a broken bike over one shoulder and a rolled up piece of carpet over the other.
Anyway, I joined them and "Duke" had agreed to show my friend Sue where the park was, which he then had to adjust to being Sue and myself. However, before he could do that he had to drop off the carpet first. In the five - ten minute walk to our "drop off the carpet" destination, he discovered Sue & I were just friends, and not "fuck buddies" as he enquired. He merrily divulged with no encouragement his mother was in the Jamaican police force, his dad was in the clergy there, he had lived in the UK for 30 years, and oh yeah.... That he owned three brothels!
We reached a shop that sat all on its own in a block of residential house. Duke bless him proceeded to stand on the pavement mapping out the brothel below after putting his broken bike down.
"And here is the reception area, over here is the dungeon, next to that...."
I was just gob smashed I could not believe what this guy was doing, being open and honest is one thing but this was insane. I looked at the shop window which displayed a couple of dresses that looked like they were from the 1940's and had a layer of dirt an inch thick on them to reflect that. But the cherry on top was the sign that read "Bout" as the other half of it had obviously given up the will to live sometime previously and fallen off.
The bizarreness of it was broken by Sue's pager going off (what can I say it was the 90's! Pagers were in). She asked Duke if she could use a phone, he hesitated for moment then said yes. So it was I entered my first brothel, as we went down two flights of stairs I noticed there were pages taken from the Daily Sport newspaper stuck on the darkly painted walls, which were failing miserable to hid the dirt. Quality it was NOT! Homely it was NOT! Cheap & Tacky that it WAS!
We exited into a narrow corridor and Duke took us into the "reception room", the walls again were an unpleasant colour and the furniture was so oddly mixed and some it piled in corners that it looked more like a storeroom. Now I've never seen a prostitute except for that TV/film land stereotypical image format and to my shock that stereotype was sat in the corner of the room. Really the makeup was enough to scare a clown, let alone a customer! It was like reality had taken a running karate to my midriff and was continuing to kick me in the head as I lay there.
Don't get me wrong although I won't or don't think I would use a prostitute myself. I do believe it should be legalised so that those involved can then be protected in every way. I have no moral judgement against it whatsoever as I think that's all hogwash. FACT! You're not better than someone else simply because of the job they do unless they kill or torture people for a living.
Anyway, Duke took Sue to another room, as the phone in the reception area was incoming only to stop the girls using it. Charming!
An embarrassing silence sat filing its nails & looking through Cosmopolitan, between the lady of the night and myself. "Do you come here often" really doesn't cut it! And she clearly had no idea what I was doing there! And keep looking at me suspiciously! Probably without realising it I was giving off signals like "I'm an idiot get me out of here" lol.
Upon their return Duke with great enthusiasm wanted to show us the brothel, his original hesitance now firmly tied to a rock and tossed over board.
Further down the corridor was the shower he revealed pulling back the shower curtain, no door or separate room just shower curtain. Next was the bedroom, the first thing that struck me was the ceiling was flat until just above the head of the bed where it rose at a sharp angle to the skylight. At that angle there was a film of dirt & dust that would have made the dresses in the shop window look clean. Meanwhile Duke has removed the plastic rose from the towel on the bed and had been busily transforming said towel into a fan shape and placed the rose back on top of it. WHY!!!! It was like a chef showing you his rat-infested kitchen and putting the vegetable peelings in the bin. It's a lost cause!!! That brothel was so far down the market it would have to dig upwards to reach the bottom of the barrel. I felt sorry for the woman who worked there and for the men who went there. Quality was a four-letter word, not helped by the mannequin stood in the corner of the room in cheap & odd lingerie. I just keep starring at it thinking "Why?"
Duke took us to the park but there was nothing there, then Sue explained what we were looking for and Duke knew where it was offering to take us but he had to do one or two things, first. So we piled into a taxi and went to brothel number two, still with piece of carpet which in fact turned out to be a large mat. The brothel again was beneath a shop however this was a real business, were as the first shop did not even seem to have an entrance to it (just as well, really!). This business however, was being refurbished and was very nice, despite no fixtures or fittings yet except the mirrors and pine flooring and panelling. It was going to be a hair dresses and nail shop and Duke dutifully explained the layout to use. While this was going on one of the working girls came up after finishing her shift I think - to be honest I really can't remember. She was very pretty and about 5 ft tall, however, (there has bound to be one!), she had her toe nails filed to a point! Duke then disappeared downstairs to deliver carpet mat after Sue promised she would not leave; he did not invite us down as they had customers. So that was the second brothel I'd ever been in.
Back into taxi, which thankfully Duke was paying for and onto where he lived, so he could get changed, before we all headed onto the concert. Duke lived above a furniture shop on a busy high road, I liked it as the furniture was a bit different and the shop was nicely done up. Living with him on the second floor was his son and grandchildren and on the third floor.... You guessed it a brothel, which he took Sue & I to see. The photos on the walls in this building were far better here, black & white erotic framed photos. His son was painting the reception area, which was big and bright but strangely in 3 different colours. Duke introduced Sue to the 3 or 4 girls in the room "This is Sue, she is not in the business". I later told Sue as long as she lives she will never be introduced that way again, no one will use the phrase "Not in the business" lol. I was left in reception totally by myself as Sue went with Duke to decide what he was going to wear. The ladies went back to.... Actually I have no idea where they went & his son when downstairs to the shop. While I sat there enjoying the kaleidoscope of colour that was that room and ambience of stale cigarette smoke. It dawn on me that in just a few hours I'd been in 3 brothels and how surreal the day had become. When one of the ladies went past the open door to her room with a punter in tow. For one brief moment the punters eyes and mine meet in mutual embarrassment.
It just crowned of the experience to a tee!
Sue later asked me if I had got turned on in the bedroom of 1st brothel. I have no idea what drugs that woman was taking but they were not available on prescription!!