I cant sleep to save my life, the day is done, but I dont think Ive got it right
Manwhore roommates:
So it doesnt take much imagination to know that insomnia sucks. It sucks even worse when you end up lying there sleepless at 3:00 am, unable to escape the noise from your roommate trying to fuck in the next room.
My roommate is a habitual liar. I could fill pages with some of the ridiculous shit Ive heard since he moved in. Compound this with his outgoing and playful personality, and youve got somebody who can easily talk their way into a girls pants. I find it pathetic on his end, and it only takes about 2 weeks for the girls to realize his stories dont add up.
As much as this whole routine irritates me, the part that irritates me the most is that he seems to have all the love making skills of a rabid dog. In three months Ive been able to deduce that his idea of foreplay seems to consist of tugging at her clothes, while the other hand is thrashing around in the dark looking for a condom somewhere between the PBR cans and his sock pile. It progresses smoothly from there to about 3 minutes of him stabbing, and panting, then finishing off. He always seems to finish right before she's ready, leaving her at the verge, but unfulfilled. After that he immediately walks out to grab a beer, or goes right to sleep. And Im only guessing that the poor girl is left there hoping the next experience with this wonderful new guy will be better.
When this happened last night, I had to try oh so hard not to kick his door in and bitch slap his lame ass. I considered keeping a squirt gun full of water handy for a little while, but I think the only real cure might be good post coitus beat down. I guess I shouldnt be surprised by the level of disrespect from someone so dishonest, but I feel really bad for the girls that fall prey to his shit, and then get left hanging.
Best man:
My dads getting married tomorrow night. My brother and I are the best men. Any speech advice, sage words of wisdom, or basic rules of etiquette?
Guilt Pangs:
Is it bad that I like the Bravery song that keeps playing on the radio? I keep hearing it places, and started liking it, and then I found out who played it. From everything Ive seen those guys are pretty lame. Now Im really torn. I can probably find a used copy in a couple of weeks when they fall out of the spotlight. Then maybe I wont feel so guilty.
Manwhore roommates:
So it doesnt take much imagination to know that insomnia sucks. It sucks even worse when you end up lying there sleepless at 3:00 am, unable to escape the noise from your roommate trying to fuck in the next room.
My roommate is a habitual liar. I could fill pages with some of the ridiculous shit Ive heard since he moved in. Compound this with his outgoing and playful personality, and youve got somebody who can easily talk their way into a girls pants. I find it pathetic on his end, and it only takes about 2 weeks for the girls to realize his stories dont add up.
As much as this whole routine irritates me, the part that irritates me the most is that he seems to have all the love making skills of a rabid dog. In three months Ive been able to deduce that his idea of foreplay seems to consist of tugging at her clothes, while the other hand is thrashing around in the dark looking for a condom somewhere between the PBR cans and his sock pile. It progresses smoothly from there to about 3 minutes of him stabbing, and panting, then finishing off. He always seems to finish right before she's ready, leaving her at the verge, but unfulfilled. After that he immediately walks out to grab a beer, or goes right to sleep. And Im only guessing that the poor girl is left there hoping the next experience with this wonderful new guy will be better.
When this happened last night, I had to try oh so hard not to kick his door in and bitch slap his lame ass. I considered keeping a squirt gun full of water handy for a little while, but I think the only real cure might be good post coitus beat down. I guess I shouldnt be surprised by the level of disrespect from someone so dishonest, but I feel really bad for the girls that fall prey to his shit, and then get left hanging.
Best man:
My dads getting married tomorrow night. My brother and I are the best men. Any speech advice, sage words of wisdom, or basic rules of etiquette?
Guilt Pangs:
Is it bad that I like the Bravery song that keeps playing on the radio? I keep hearing it places, and started liking it, and then I found out who played it. From everything Ive seen those guys are pretty lame. Now Im really torn. I can probably find a used copy in a couple of weeks when they fall out of the spotlight. Then maybe I wont feel so guilty.
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Yesterday I was waiting for the bus across from a methodone clinic in the city (I make poor decisions all the time), and there was a homeless guy in front of the building singing and dancing--totally getting down, and I was thinking, "Where is Moi when I need him?"