"I decree today that life
Is simply taking and not giving
This world is mine - it owes me a living
But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye
Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye
But we cannot cling to the old dreams anymore
No, we cannot cling to those dreams"
It's been at least a couple months since I've had something to add to my shit luck biography. I guess I was due for a new chapter...
On our way back from SF last night I managed to hit some sort of very large dog or coyote at about 70mph. I was in the left lane, right next to the concrete barrier wall. Neither me nor Kage saw anything, and I was staring straight ahead. Just a huge slam, and something flying around and over the car. I pulled onto the next off ramp immediately. Went to get out of the car, and I couldn't even open the door. The entire front bumper, hood, grill, fender, wheel well, and driver door are smashed in. There is nothing left of where the headlight was. I had to pull the metal from the fender out around the wheel with my hands just to drive again. Fortunately the radiator didn't get punctured, but everything is destroyed on the front and side.
I can't help feeling completely sick, and numb at the same time. I'm so used to this routine It absolutely kills me inside because each minor incident makes a huge impact on me moving forward in my life. But it's become such a ritual that I'm starting to accept my fate. Bend over the bar, take my licks, and try my hardest to stifle the cries, and heart ache. I was expecting to finally clear my debts from the France airplane debacle this month. But it looks like that is going to go unpaid, and I'm going to fall deeper into debt again.
As I was driving home, trying to maintain my sanity, I realized that every single film I have worked on in the last year has begun with my car getting wrecked and ending up in the shop. It's always after the first week of production. I've always ended up finishing out the films trying to figure out how to get my equipment into a shitty small rental car. Maybe a sign? I don't know. Either way I just want to curl up in a ball and die right now, since I don't know how I'm going to deal with this again.
Is simply taking and not giving
This world is mine - it owes me a living
But ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye
Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye
But we cannot cling to the old dreams anymore
No, we cannot cling to those dreams"
It's been at least a couple months since I've had something to add to my shit luck biography. I guess I was due for a new chapter...
On our way back from SF last night I managed to hit some sort of very large dog or coyote at about 70mph. I was in the left lane, right next to the concrete barrier wall. Neither me nor Kage saw anything, and I was staring straight ahead. Just a huge slam, and something flying around and over the car. I pulled onto the next off ramp immediately. Went to get out of the car, and I couldn't even open the door. The entire front bumper, hood, grill, fender, wheel well, and driver door are smashed in. There is nothing left of where the headlight was. I had to pull the metal from the fender out around the wheel with my hands just to drive again. Fortunately the radiator didn't get punctured, but everything is destroyed on the front and side.
I can't help feeling completely sick, and numb at the same time. I'm so used to this routine It absolutely kills me inside because each minor incident makes a huge impact on me moving forward in my life. But it's become such a ritual that I'm starting to accept my fate. Bend over the bar, take my licks, and try my hardest to stifle the cries, and heart ache. I was expecting to finally clear my debts from the France airplane debacle this month. But it looks like that is going to go unpaid, and I'm going to fall deeper into debt again.
As I was driving home, trying to maintain my sanity, I realized that every single film I have worked on in the last year has begun with my car getting wrecked and ending up in the shop. It's always after the first week of production. I've always ended up finishing out the films trying to figure out how to get my equipment into a shitty small rental car. Maybe a sign? I don't know. Either way I just want to curl up in a ball and die right now, since I don't know how I'm going to deal with this again.
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The same to you, love.