I had a friend who recently just "reactivated" his facebook account. It got me thinking about the people in my life and how easily I cut ties with people. There are very few people in my life I would really consider friends, most are just acquaintances. I never really have that "why don't we hang out anymore" feeling with people. If I wanted to hang out with them I would. I have a limited number of friends on facebook, because frankly I just don't really care enough about most people to bother paying attention to them and keep up social graces. It sounds really bad, but I like people when they pay attention to me, I hate when they desperately want me to pay attention to them.
Yes, I'm an asshole and yes I have deep rooted issues that probably need professional help, but this is just me being honest. This particular friend is part of the group of people I knew at ASU when I was working as a student worker. Virginia was a part of this particular group of people as well. I just started thinking about that group and how I never see any of them anymore, I haven't for years. I have seen Wes more than Kyle lately and Kyle was one of the groomsmen at my wedding. I just never maintained those friendships, but honestly I'm not too disappointed by it. Another reminder of this is all the SG friends I had in 2005. They all pretty much fell by the wayside once I started dating Virgina and for the most part I'm totally fine with that. I was at breakfast with Vanessa a few months ago and Sean called, I basically told her I didn't want to talk to him. Now, do I dislike Sean? No, not at all. Quite the opposite. If I went to a party and Sean was there I'd walk up to him and talk to him, but I had no interest in a "casual" socially mandated phone conversation with someone I hadn't spoken to in years. Again, Ive got issues.
All of this leads me to think, why exactly am I afraid of moving out of Arizona? I'm obviously fine with burning bridges with former friends, I really don't care too much about my family, and I really really fucking hate the heat and the sunshine. On paper I should have left long ago, but I'm scared shitless of leaving what I'm comfortable with. It's times like this where I wish I got fired and my house burned down and I really had nothing at all tying me here. I really think that's what it will take. So I guess I should just start to accept the heat, because I'm thinking I'll be here awhile.
Since I stay up writing this, I guess I won't be getting up early to go running in the morning. I think I'm OK with that. However, I know I'll be hating myself on the 25th.
Yes, I'm an asshole and yes I have deep rooted issues that probably need professional help, but this is just me being honest. This particular friend is part of the group of people I knew at ASU when I was working as a student worker. Virginia was a part of this particular group of people as well. I just started thinking about that group and how I never see any of them anymore, I haven't for years. I have seen Wes more than Kyle lately and Kyle was one of the groomsmen at my wedding. I just never maintained those friendships, but honestly I'm not too disappointed by it. Another reminder of this is all the SG friends I had in 2005. They all pretty much fell by the wayside once I started dating Virgina and for the most part I'm totally fine with that. I was at breakfast with Vanessa a few months ago and Sean called, I basically told her I didn't want to talk to him. Now, do I dislike Sean? No, not at all. Quite the opposite. If I went to a party and Sean was there I'd walk up to him and talk to him, but I had no interest in a "casual" socially mandated phone conversation with someone I hadn't spoken to in years. Again, Ive got issues.
All of this leads me to think, why exactly am I afraid of moving out of Arizona? I'm obviously fine with burning bridges with former friends, I really don't care too much about my family, and I really really fucking hate the heat and the sunshine. On paper I should have left long ago, but I'm scared shitless of leaving what I'm comfortable with. It's times like this where I wish I got fired and my house burned down and I really had nothing at all tying me here. I really think that's what it will take. So I guess I should just start to accept the heat, because I'm thinking I'll be here awhile.
Since I stay up writing this, I guess I won't be getting up early to go running in the morning. I think I'm OK with that. However, I know I'll be hating myself on the 25th.