See, I told you and you still don't know.
This week, I pissed off a lot of hippies. So basically, it's been one of the best weeks of my life. I write one bad review of a band and all the hippies want to strangle me with their sarapes.
Then again, that band was Phish, and Phish is to hippies as Jesus is to, well, Billy Crudup... or something.
Perhaps it was this line,
... taking drugs to make the experience more palatablethats not for music, thats for surgery.
Here is an utterly hilarious email I received; it may be a bit hard to understand as it is written in the lost language of Stoneded Hippie.
Hello MK,
It is ironic in the least that you find gratification
in your nonsensical ramblings scrawled across your computer screen in an effort to communicate with your minions. While criticize Phish for having survived for 21 years, communicating by rambling in nonsensical musical notes successfully communicating with the masses. Yet you find phish to be equivialant to playing with a paper clip.
My friend, my friend you are the in the same vain, you just don't know it.
I found your article on Phish shallow and wrought with jealousy and a lack of understanding.
Sorry you missed out,
Gruntle
Gruntle? Fucking hippies (note: his real name on the email header whas Thomas... way to trade up names, guy).
Being as the column he is complaining about is entitled "Music Snob," and the shctick is that I be an asshole at every possible opportunity, I replied...
Hello T-dawg,
Can I call you that? Sweet, it makes me feel like you're my homie.
Thanks for reading my column; that's why I write it, for you, my public to enjoy. I would also like to extend my appreciation to you for taking so much acid, and I do love good hate mail; it let's me know that someone is listening, and that they have the rickets, but more that they're listening.
"It is ironic in the least," what does that mean? Man, I think you're having a bad trip. It's cool man, I'll be your guide and talk you down... step over here, have some orange slices, and relax; it will all be over soon.
"Ironic in the least," basically translates to "it is ironic, at all," so are you saying that it is, or that it isn't or that you want to have my babies because I have such a fine ass and sweet hair?
Once again, Thank you from the bottom of my ironic heart.
Your pal,
-mk
I love hate mail... LOVE IT
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MORE!
Hippie writes:
Your "Music Snob" article is ahilarious mockery. Way to rehash ancient criticism and call it your own. Too bad people like you have been brainwashedby theevil empire.Music iscommunicated expression, not some attempt to make a quick buck off a15 second choruscrammed into a 3 minute "song". What do you consider good music?
my reply
Dear Jamiekins,
Thanks for reading the column and thinking it was "hilarious." However, I hope you don't mind if I leave all the hash to you, hippie.
I appreciate your interest in what good music is; please pick up an Echo every Wednesday and you'll read just that in my column.
Hugs and hash pipes,
-mk
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EVEN MORE!
Who said hippies were docile!? This is AWESOME!
one hippie wrties,
Boo, Hiss. That is all
my reply,
Dear That is all,
I'm glad you enjoyed the column, I try and capture the essence of Phish in everything I do.
Including my seal clubbing expeditions.
-mk
Daniel writes,
Grow up and so some research. You are no longer in high school.
my reply,
Dear Dannypants,
You're a poopoo face, with silly socks.
Then again, you're the one getting upset about a satirical music review in a college newspaper.
at a state school no less.
smiles and tulips,
-mk
Random Hiptard writes,
dear ass, you are a fu@king tool, kill yourself retard
You suck
reply,
Dear P. Q. Angryhat,
You call yourself a hippie?! Jerry would be ashamed at all this hostility.
Not to mention insensitive remarks; retards like Phish as much as you do, leave them out of this.
Smooches and what not,
-mk
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My response to a thread on phishhook.com that theorized about my shopping at Hot Topic and being very "punk rawk." Yes, with a 'W'.
Thanks to everyone for making that the most popular column I've ever written.
I realize some of you may be a little upset, or feel that I am a complete asshat. Well, I'm not the one getting upset about a satirical music review in a college newspaper.
Phish has gotten bad reviews in the past, and they'll get more in the future. Deal with it, hippies. It's not like I was making fun of your mother for being a total whore.
If you're so into Phish, and they're so awesome, then you should be secure in that... who cares what some Hot Topic clad, punk rawk, rude-dude from Michigan thinks? Well, you know, other than the millions of people who aspire to be just like me and/or have my babies.
Your pal forever,
-mk
Anyhow, thank you for bashing the hippies. It's something that needs to be none periodically. Cheers.