mjnameisjjod

I'm feeling a bit somber. I've been nursing the idea that i've been in a relationship for a long time. I guess i was in denial about breaking up. She said she wanted to break up a long time ago, yet we spend a lot of time together kissing and hugging still. I personally think she just needs to get the fuck over herself, but now my belief that she either do it, wants to do it, or even believes me is over. I feel like you lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

So now, I'm seriously considering trying to date again. Truth being, i need to get laid in a serious way or at least feel a bit attractive. i need another person that makees me not feel stuck to deal with this shit. Like if and incredible, creative, intellegent woman would show up it would be great. My only fear is that if i date, i'll still be holding on to somebody inside and so far everytime that i've half assed tried to go on a date so far, it's just ended up with me feeling like a big putz.

the first thing to do is not to dwell. it's time to rebel. If i weren't sick today i'd go out and get some phone numbers at least to just chat on the phone with. Keep it sweet, keep it honest. The only downside to nyc is people don't typically put up wih somebody that long. They move on pretty quickly and so neither party has the ability to grow from it except to have more bad stories to either tell or not tell. I'm always going to end a relationship as friends though.

God, I feel way to old to date.