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miyu

Canada

Member Since 2003

Followers 29 Following 35

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Friday Feb 13, 2004

Feb 13, 2004
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I had a very intense dream about the person I love. I said goodbye in it and that's a word I never use. He walked away in the snow...knee deep and struggling. I walked away.....
but on top of the snow. I barely marked it, my black cloak billowing behind me.

I really said goodbye.
I talk to this person still and they put their arm around me at one point and I actually flinched slightly.

I was talking to a fellow Suicide boy about my realization that I truly have no hope and that has given me a freedom and a saddness. I prefer it to the knawing hope that leads to despair. I don't think he understood. I guess you don't until you get to that place where you truly have given up and have no hope whatsoever. I do not despair. I only look life in the eye with a certain knife-like clarity. I'm not willing to compromise who I am to be with someone who won't understand me anyway or will try to change me so they can.
That is despair.
Hope is for angels.
My job is to get things done.
9monty:
Never compromise and each of us probably has "angel" in us, as even the Devil began as one, before he questioned (and good for him).

I'll be really excited the day I hear from you about this wonderful person you've met that even makes work, just work.

You're too terrific for something not to happen towards you.

Have a great weekend, and you know if I wasn't in the time, place and position I'm in, I would have loved to attempted it. love wink
Feb 13, 2004

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