mistressrory

It seems like everyone is in a good mood today but me. I was gonna write about my night last night....but I will just say this. For most of the night I was very unhappy and not having a good time. It wasn't the company I was in or the place....or even the entertainment that was making me sad. It was other things that I keep thinking about. I just can't shake this icky feeling. I started feeling so bad at work today that they sent me home. I keep listening to this sad sad song over and over and crying. I have been doing this for 2 days now. I wish things were different....I wish someone that I really like would pay attention to me....I wish I could tell him all the fears that are going around my head....I don't want to scare him. If I was a complete heartless bitch I would have called him up already and told him what I thought was happening to me and him....cuz if I am right his life is about to change as much as mine is. I need to stop drinking until I get the results of what I am thinking. I just hope he is ready for this.

I threw up this morning after I ate a bunch of fruit roll ups....I was suprised at all the colors. I know..ewwww don't talk about puking. But it totally reinforced the thoughts I have been having. I am throwing out so many clues....if you guys don't get what I am talking about I will be very worried about you guys. I need someone to come and dance for me and cheer me up. I am so ashamed of my body lately. I don't know how I can get naked at all....I want to make everyone blind so they don't see how ugly I really am.

I don't think my face is ugly. I think my body is very ugly.

Just so I don't get comments like "omg what are you talking about!!" Everyone is allowed to have their insecurities!



UPDATE~
I talked to my friend today...His dad was in the hospital because he blacked out while skiing. His dad is gonna be ok....I had a good talk with him and I am feeling a bit better about everything ....if I end up being...you know....I have a lot of people who will help me out. I don't think I really need to worry.
i love you all!
Allthe nice comments made me smile when I really needed to. Keep em coming I love reading them all...I try to respond to all of them.....You guys are the best EVER!