Since Calgary, I've been out of touch with lots of friends. I tried to keep in contact with any many of the close friends as I could and at least facebook-poke those I didn't see all the time. Unfortunately my friendships waned and I felt very disconnected from everyone when I eventually returned. Granted, there had been lots of change happen over the time I was gone two couples close to me both got pregnant around the same time.
The births happened over the April/May months and things have been significantly different ever since. I never get to see these individuals any more without a new-born attached to their hip (or breast). Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against kids - or parents - it's just that they have seemed to loose their sense of self and now define themselves as "parents".
It's the same beef I have about people defining themselves by the job they do. You are not your job. You do your job - and I believe should take pride in it and do it well - but you are not your job. I've always thought it was odd that people used their jobs as their defining characteristic - even if that job is not worth being defined as. "Hi, I'm Jim. I work at McDonald's." Is McDonald's who you are Jim? What are your likes and dislikes? Your favorite colour? Your favorite author? I'd much rather know those things about you then your place of employment. Granted, if you are working somewhere you love and it is something you are passionate about please tell me. I want to know about things that excite you but over all I'd rather know about the person not their profession.
So, when you have a kid, you are not the kid. Nor are you a parent only. You do not stop liking reading comics because baby Ricky is now in your life. You might not have as much time with your comic collection as you did before because your priorities/responsibilities have changed, but that doesn't mean your love for them has diminished.
Therefore, when we have some social time together, please for the love of gawd talk about something beyond your kid! Not that you have to pretend that baby Ricky is not suckling on your teat right now, or that he doesn't exist entirely, but that not every conversation is about "that cute thing he did today" or the colour/texture of his excrement. I wouldn't talk about my poo to my closest friends - too much information is too much information no matter what size/age of person you are! I've been laughed at by my new-parent friends for not wanting to hear about that topic, which I personally don't understand. If you were really into collecting stamps and I was not, I thought it'd be logical that you wouldn't spend all your time telling me about your collection and the kewl piece you picked up today. Not that I wouldn't want to hear about things that were special to you, and I'd love to hear about things that were passionate about and your great collectible finds in moderation but the key word there is MODERATION. Don't talk my ear off all the time about interests that aren't mutual. And I'll do the same for you. I am a big wrestling fan - I watch it every week and following the plot lines and big moves and analyze it with other fans. However I know that these new-parent friends are not wrestling fans. So, out of respect for them and our friendship I don't talk about who Swantoned who and who's number one contender for the World Heavy Weight belt and how so-and-so totally got robbed by not getting a chance at the title.
The more I hang out with these friends the more I'm noticing that they may not be as good of friends as I had once thought they were
And that's very sad, seeing as one of these couples I've known for a good decade now.
It's sad when things come towards and end.
But who knows? Perhaps we'll be able to hang out again when the newborns aren't so new.
Arrr!
The births happened over the April/May months and things have been significantly different ever since. I never get to see these individuals any more without a new-born attached to their hip (or breast). Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against kids - or parents - it's just that they have seemed to loose their sense of self and now define themselves as "parents".
It's the same beef I have about people defining themselves by the job they do. You are not your job. You do your job - and I believe should take pride in it and do it well - but you are not your job. I've always thought it was odd that people used their jobs as their defining characteristic - even if that job is not worth being defined as. "Hi, I'm Jim. I work at McDonald's." Is McDonald's who you are Jim? What are your likes and dislikes? Your favorite colour? Your favorite author? I'd much rather know those things about you then your place of employment. Granted, if you are working somewhere you love and it is something you are passionate about please tell me. I want to know about things that excite you but over all I'd rather know about the person not their profession.
So, when you have a kid, you are not the kid. Nor are you a parent only. You do not stop liking reading comics because baby Ricky is now in your life. You might not have as much time with your comic collection as you did before because your priorities/responsibilities have changed, but that doesn't mean your love for them has diminished.
Therefore, when we have some social time together, please for the love of gawd talk about something beyond your kid! Not that you have to pretend that baby Ricky is not suckling on your teat right now, or that he doesn't exist entirely, but that not every conversation is about "that cute thing he did today" or the colour/texture of his excrement. I wouldn't talk about my poo to my closest friends - too much information is too much information no matter what size/age of person you are! I've been laughed at by my new-parent friends for not wanting to hear about that topic, which I personally don't understand. If you were really into collecting stamps and I was not, I thought it'd be logical that you wouldn't spend all your time telling me about your collection and the kewl piece you picked up today. Not that I wouldn't want to hear about things that were special to you, and I'd love to hear about things that were passionate about and your great collectible finds in moderation but the key word there is MODERATION. Don't talk my ear off all the time about interests that aren't mutual. And I'll do the same for you. I am a big wrestling fan - I watch it every week and following the plot lines and big moves and analyze it with other fans. However I know that these new-parent friends are not wrestling fans. So, out of respect for them and our friendship I don't talk about who Swantoned who and who's number one contender for the World Heavy Weight belt and how so-and-so totally got robbed by not getting a chance at the title.
The more I hang out with these friends the more I'm noticing that they may not be as good of friends as I had once thought they were
And that's very sad, seeing as one of these couples I've known for a good decade now.
It's sad when things come towards and end.
But who knows? Perhaps we'll be able to hang out again when the newborns aren't so new.
Arrr!
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
oracle:
hey baby, come here often?
rpg:
