mistervondoom

I uhh..well I've got nothing catchy

So here I am at this moment contemplating something creative to say. I don't feel like talking about the election, it's not that I'm sore about it, Obama won and he had my vote so it's a moot point. People have brought up so much stuff about it I'm just hoping I just made the right choice and not regret it 4 years down the line. I personally don't subscribe to any sort of a party, I tend to learn more liberal but I love my guns, well I don't make love to them but as an American I appreciate the right to own a firearm. It's not because I feel the need to kill something (although at times I try really really realllllllyyyyyyyyyy hard not want to kill something, or someone) I like the idea of being able to defend my property when threatened, I'm not going to go out and pull a Frank Castle and shoot all the bad people, although I get what he's doing. I know how to kill someone with my hands, with my feet (I'm not trying to sound like a bad ass but I can) so I don't see the reason why a gun should be banned. Oh and I have a great bit of intelligence behind me, so I know how to control myself and I'm not going to react by waving a gun around. I'm a man and I don't need a gun to make myself feel better or more powerful I just want to be sure my property is in order and with a gun I can insure that it will protected to the utmost.

Anyway I started rambling about politics like I said I wouldn't. There is a song I've got playing that is semi ironic the feelings I've been having, The girl "Samantha" is kinda not in the picture, not by my choice as it stands, she just up and stopped talking to me and that cut off like that is like doing heroin for days then suddenly getting cut off, that withdraw of something you had and felt flow through your veins to have it taken away suddenly just feels odd and strange and kinda scary. But that's what I get, I was told to watch my ass not to go into deep, but there is something about Samantha, from that first moment I talked to her and I'm not one to get into that whole aura thing but that first time we talked her personality just pinged off of mine and made me feel different. It was a strange feeling then and now it's another strange feeling which I can't pin point the name of something in middle of "Wha and Umm". It doesn't help that I keep playing this damn song again and again when it comes on I can't shake it and maybe I never will, I've talked to other women since and I can be social hell even friendly and nice but to have that feeling again, that feeling of I don't know what to buzz around in side of me I don't think I'll ever really feel that, I fight the emotion at times, because of what I felt and what and I can go on and live my life but it'll never be that, that smile of her's, that personality of her's. It finally now just dawned on me that it's gone, I have the heavy feeling in me and like I said it's done and over. I've asked a friend, brother, and partner in crime to not fill me in on her or even mention her name, now I realize it's a childish thing to do or even think but how else do you handle becoming sober from a drug, you don't, like a drug you're never cured you just live it everyday, let that voice in you head whisper it's name but that hidden voice also reminds me I wasn't the one to quit her she was the one who quit me. So is that worst or is that just a way to say that a favor was done for me cause we were nothing more than friends and I was the one with the feelings and not her and this is the best way to end it. Is it the best way? I'll never know the answer it'll probably be one of the questions I'll never have answered in my life.

So tomorrow is a new day, I have to get up, put my boots on a walk out into the world, I'll smile, I'll laugh, I'll live but part of me is missing, I do not know where it is, where it could have went, She'll be there I'll be here and that will be that.