I don't know why I was so down last night. I think it was mostly due to the fact that I got there too late and missed out on all the fun. I wanted to meet the new people, and hang out with my old friends that I've met through this place. I sincerely hope that after I'm gone (which I'm still thinking about, sorry), I'll still be able to keep in contact with all of you.
Today was better, in comparison- I went to band practice, and we sounded really good. It's starting to coalesce. Now we just need to work on some more songs, but the ones we have already, we know inside and out. I think how I felt last night helped fuel my playing today- for some reason I was really into it, digging into the strings and pounding the shit out of them. The donuts I bought for breakfast probably helped too, though- maybe my blood sugar was low. I don't know how, with all the beer I drink.
Later, I laid down for a short nap before class, and wound up sleeping right through it. Whoops. Got up and ran some errands, found some dinner, and now here I am.
Here's a question for you. Have you ever said to anyone, "You met me at a really weird time in my life," or something to that effect? Have you ever simply felt like the things that you do, or happen to you, or the people you know, or meet on the street just isn't... you? Do you know what I'm talking about? Basically, as David Byrne put it, "This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!" That's how I feel. The thing is, these are supposed to be temporary spots in your life- eventually, equilibrium is restored.
I feel like I've been out of place like that for WAY too long for it to be called "temporary". I can deal with things being like that, but what I can't deal with is the constant feeling that I'm out of place- I need to achieve equilibrium.
Or maybe I just need to drink more. It seemed to work for my dad.
Today was better, in comparison- I went to band practice, and we sounded really good. It's starting to coalesce. Now we just need to work on some more songs, but the ones we have already, we know inside and out. I think how I felt last night helped fuel my playing today- for some reason I was really into it, digging into the strings and pounding the shit out of them. The donuts I bought for breakfast probably helped too, though- maybe my blood sugar was low. I don't know how, with all the beer I drink.
Later, I laid down for a short nap before class, and wound up sleeping right through it. Whoops. Got up and ran some errands, found some dinner, and now here I am.
Here's a question for you. Have you ever said to anyone, "You met me at a really weird time in my life," or something to that effect? Have you ever simply felt like the things that you do, or happen to you, or the people you know, or meet on the street just isn't... you? Do you know what I'm talking about? Basically, as David Byrne put it, "This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!" That's how I feel. The thing is, these are supposed to be temporary spots in your life- eventually, equilibrium is restored.
I feel like I've been out of place like that for WAY too long for it to be called "temporary". I can deal with things being like that, but what I can't deal with is the constant feeling that I'm out of place- I need to achieve equilibrium.
Or maybe I just need to drink more. It seemed to work for my dad.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
swingkitten:
You posted at 3:53. You're still awake and on the computer, you motherfucker!
screw_that:
I've gone to school for the last two years for something that I'm not even sure I want to do when I graduate. Many, many, many a time have I thought that what I was doing.. just wasn't right.. it's not something I'd do... I think sometimes I have small moments of equilibrium.. but for the most part I feel like I'm always in limbo. The only thing that has gotten me thus far is the support of my boyfriend.. and sadly, I don't know who I am without him...