misterjesus

The evenings are the worst sometimes I feel so empty and so alone.

I have to change something in my life, thing is I'm not sure what, I've been doing this single life for a while now, and I suppose emotionally I've been alone for about a year and a half now, my ex certainly took her time in leaving a busting my heart.


What I don't understand is how can people treat other people so awful and live with themselves?

ok I know so far this is not making any sense, so let me clarify for you.

re re wind

July 10 2000

Still married, but slowly seperating, I've moved out of the family house and I'm spending time at my friends trailer house by the lake.

I go out for gas one night and the girl working the station is the most perfect women I've EVER seen, she 5'10" short blonde hair and a face that would make the blind weep with joy.

I'm stunned, shes gorgeous I go back to my friends place on a high (I never said a word to this girl I'm just enthralled by her) so I mention this lovely creature to him and he says "oh yeah that's Clare, she's cool, I think she's single, but dude your stil married"

me "I don't care about that now, do you have her mobile number or something?"

him "Sure here you go"

I'm giddy at this point, seriously, do I call her, send a text? what do I do. I have to get to know this girl, I just do. so I text her, it's really lame and of course she does not know it's me. thing is she replies. w00t!!! I spend the next four hours playing text games with her and she still does not know who it is, so I call her at midnight, she has the voice of a angel.

I explain that I am still married but that I am seperating and that I would really like to see her, she says, "Well I finish work at 8:30 tomorrow we could do something after that" I say. w00t!!!

not really but I was pretty happy.

So the next day rolls on, I'm nervous as hell and 8:30 shows up. and I pick her up from work, we go down to the beach and hang for a while just talking. I kiss her. it's amazing.

the rest of the night I am snipping at this point cause it's personal guys. sorry

ok cut a long winded story short for the next year and a bit at least we hardly spent a moment apart.

I finally get my divorce and seperation and move into a new place, Clare moves in. I'm so insane happy it's untrue.

Then in 2003 I hit some work problems and money gets tight, we are coping just, clare gets made redundant form her new job too, we have cars to pay for and things are tense, but i still love her madly however something is wrong, I dunno what but she is acting strange, distant gets a job in a pub and suddenly she disappears for days at a time.

I'm getting worried and start to grow concerned that something is going on, so I ask her, she gets mad and says she's moving out to a room in the pub for a while cause she can't afford her car.

I'm sick inside now. this is not what is supposed to be happening. things never recover she starts openly lying to me about her whereabouts, I caught her out more than a few times, I find out she's been going "clubbing" with some guy I've never heard of. now I'm furious, not because she is going out, that I have no problem with, but if you have to sneak around to do it, then there is something going on that is not acceptable in the bounds of a normal relationship.

december roles up, she's told me now that she is leaving me for sure, and that she does not love me anymore. I'm broken. I have to go to Isreal for work and she takes me to the airport on the way we talk, we agree to try to get some relationship councelling when I get back in three weeks.

I'm feeling better about that as it seems that both of us are at least trying.

turns out she was lying to me about that as well. I get back from Isreal and she's left for good.

she ignores my phone call, never answers my text and this is three days before christmas.

anybody else thinking she's out having a great time with somebody new on the holidays?

of course she was.

so finally I get it out of her on January 28 that the reason she left is to be single again and she wants her "freedom"

this again is lies.

she's been seeing somebody for at least 9 months that I can put together.

she texts me in may to tell me she is "seeing somebody"


how can people behave like this?

why not just have left me over a year ago when she knew she wanted to be with this asshole?


Clare your a bitch, a liar and frankly a slut. you are the most selfish self centred person on the planet, I seriously wish you were bloody dead.

I hope you get everything you deserve.




and relax.

make sense?

no?

good.

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