My reality-based community beat up my faith-based community today.
I had taken on faith the ability to pay January's rent with my credit card (as I had been told as much) and had assumed that since the energy bill hadn't come for 3 months, that it wouldn't show up before I left.
Well. It came. It came with the thunder.
And that credit card payment of rent... well, appearantly they don't believe in Visa.
So, where I had a choice before about "doing the right thing" and paying my rent for January, now I do not. And the energy company said my electricity will be shut off at midnight on January 1st. Being that my stove is electric and I can't eat at Denny's for 4 days, this may be a bit of a problem. But I think my cellphone should hold out.
I suppose I could pay the electric bill, but I don't see the point- it's still in my ex-roomate's name and this situation with rent means that bankruptcy is almost entirely unavoidable now. Hell, if me being late on rent affects my financial aid disbursement (which it might being that the housing here is tied to the university) I may not even be able to afford bankruptcy.
Truly I didn't think my situation could get more complicated. And essentially, it's not complicated. If I decided to stay here in Texas, everything would be sort of ok. But not really.
Ah, and my professor tells me that if I leave I might not get the 2nd half of my scholarship, which this semester would be covering about $3700 in fees, or, the entire lot of my loans and grants combined. So... my reality is perhaps shifting again.
One thing, however, is for certain- I am spiraling down and will not deal well with another semester here. Or even another month. Perhaps I can push the flight back to the end of January... but then I'll have 6 weeks of nothing but waiting to do. I don't know if I'm strong enough or capable of numbing myself that much.
It's a real fight or flight situation where either decision is made in an attempt to preserve my sanity, but may fail ultimately because both choices are dangerous.
I had taken on faith the ability to pay January's rent with my credit card (as I had been told as much) and had assumed that since the energy bill hadn't come for 3 months, that it wouldn't show up before I left.
Well. It came. It came with the thunder.
And that credit card payment of rent... well, appearantly they don't believe in Visa.
So, where I had a choice before about "doing the right thing" and paying my rent for January, now I do not. And the energy company said my electricity will be shut off at midnight on January 1st. Being that my stove is electric and I can't eat at Denny's for 4 days, this may be a bit of a problem. But I think my cellphone should hold out.
I suppose I could pay the electric bill, but I don't see the point- it's still in my ex-roomate's name and this situation with rent means that bankruptcy is almost entirely unavoidable now. Hell, if me being late on rent affects my financial aid disbursement (which it might being that the housing here is tied to the university) I may not even be able to afford bankruptcy.
Truly I didn't think my situation could get more complicated. And essentially, it's not complicated. If I decided to stay here in Texas, everything would be sort of ok. But not really.
Ah, and my professor tells me that if I leave I might not get the 2nd half of my scholarship, which this semester would be covering about $3700 in fees, or, the entire lot of my loans and grants combined. So... my reality is perhaps shifting again.
One thing, however, is for certain- I am spiraling down and will not deal well with another semester here. Or even another month. Perhaps I can push the flight back to the end of January... but then I'll have 6 weeks of nothing but waiting to do. I don't know if I'm strong enough or capable of numbing myself that much.
It's a real fight or flight situation where either decision is made in an attempt to preserve my sanity, but may fail ultimately because both choices are dangerous.
your first sentence reminds me of a bumper sticker i saw not long ago.
"my karma ran over my dogma."