I am so full of anxiety today, I slept frightfully, and stilted. But I am also so full of gratitude and love for my amazing friends and kick ass employees who help make the site and life run smoothly. I love them all so much and am so proud and lucky and happy I just want to Lenny them (from Mice and Men, essentially become so overcome with love that you squeeze them till they pop, not literally but figuratively.)
I am mostly grateful that I am not in constant pain. I had a hip issue for the past three months (since I got out of my ankle boot) that had caused me constant chronic pain. Every step was painful, sitting was painful, standing was painful, lying down could only be on my stomach. It effected my mood, my focus and made the future a bit bleak as I believed it would be that way forever. I have been (mostly) pain free since last Friday (physical therapy and an anti-inflammatory combo) and it is like a night and day difference. I am so happy I want to cry and I can not believe it still.
I am not sure why I am vacillating between anxious and grateful today but I am not going to fight it. I find if I take a second to acknowledge my feelings good and bad then my brain allows me to move on with my life and there is so much to do and be excited for. I am going all over South America to see all of the lovely South American babes and Mexico City lovelies. The Blackheart Burlesque is going to Canada. Rambo is back from maternity leave. I still have a couple packs of conversation hearts (I am obsessed with them) Niffler sent for Valentine's Day. All in all it is a great day.
There, my anxiety is shifting down and I am able to refocus. Usually I just write this stuff in the notes on my phone but I thought I would share here today, mostly because if anyone else is going through chronic pain I feel you, I understand and sympathize, it is not fair. I hope that it gets better but until then know that you are so strong and brave and don't be hard on yourself if some days you are morose or short tempered or just want to hide. You are showing up and doing the damn thing despite your pain. Your strength is unimaginable and you are my heroes.
Oh and if you have anxiety maybe try taking 5 minutes and journaling your feelings so you can refocus. I don't know if it will help everyone but it works for me.
Lots of love!
xoxo
-missy
