A new name is the kind of superpower that pushes women to lead, and leaders don’t ask for permission. It allows the weight of past lives and obligations to melt away, revealing a fresh start at changing the world.
Selecting a name for the site was more than just choosing a cute internet nickname for me. Taking on the alter ego of Missy allowed me the opportunity to be the person that I wanted to be, to stand up for what I knew to be true, to create a self that was stronger than Selena. It happened at a time when I was a bit lost and reaching out to connect, Selena was honestly a bit of a mess. Missy was all of the best qualities I could muster that were buried deep inside Selena but were fighting to come out.
Missy was strong and fierce and in control of her emotions. Missy unabashedly took pictures of naked ladies without a second thought. While Selena could not be so cavalier about her friends and families concerns about h0w she was spending her time. Missy could be direct in her message and didn't give a fuck what anyone else thought of why she was doing what she was doing and she didn't care if anyone else thought she would succeed. Whenever I would get back from lunch with a friend who had expressed concern about how the site would work. "Do you really think that people want to share their thoughts and feelings on the internet? Next to boobs? Only serial killers and perverts use the internet in that way." Selena would be full of self-doubt but I would put on Missy and laugh it off and get to work creating what has become SuicideGirls.
I chose the name Missy because of the Pixies song "Gouge Away" - Missy Aggravation. I really liked the song and Doolittle is still one of my top 5 albums of all time, but more than that it is a good name. Missy is strong and full of sass, a formal, verbal upping the ante, but still sweet enough to fit me. "Don't get too big for your breeches Missy." A sweet warning that I am starting to step out of line.
It also has deeper meaning, Black Francis has said that the songs on Doolittle have a biblical slant and that "Gouge Away" is the story of Sampson and Delilah. Delilah destroyed the perfect body, whatever her motivation is debatable but I knew that the perfect body was not a standard I wanted to live by anymore.
I am hardly the first person to take on an alter ego. Beyonce is Sasha Fierce when she needs to be, the aforementioned Black Francis aka Frank Black was born Charles Thompson IV. Elvis Costello was Declan McManus, and Ice Cube is O'shea Jackson. Dolly Parton is my only musical hero who kept her real name but she would be the first to tell you that might be the only real thing about her. We all take on armor. It is scary to bare your soul and share what really matters to you, you need a shield from criticism.
There will be criticism, if you are doing anything worthwhile, and it helps to be able to compartmentalize your actions and personae. At the end of the night after you have bared your soul when you read what the trolls have to say about you or your insecurities come out. You need to be able to detach so that you can hear the kernel of truth and adjust without just taking the statement at face value and melting into a puddle of tears. Conversely you can't take the praise too much to heart either or you will just become an asshole.
Sometimes life forces new identities on us without us even knowing. The fact that children call their mother Mommy isn’t happenstance, it’s a differentiator, a celebration of a new identity. Mommy is part of you, but not all of you. New alter egos like these aren't taken on at full speed, there is a learning curve of growing into this new self, and has its own set of exciting challenges. When you earn a degree or a job title, you take on new identities, new authorities. Nomenclature matters to give us the strength in our accomplishments to get the job done.
While Missy started as an entity wholly separate from Selena over the years we have merged. The necessity for distinct personalities has dissipated, the lines blurred a bit more. I've reconciled the ones I thought could never fit together. Over time Selena has grown less timid, Missy more three-dimensional, and Mommy more comfortable. I answer to all three. I am Selena to my husband and to Sean. I am Mommy to my boys. I am Missy with my friends. Missy is what I am known for, Missy is the ideal version of myself, and now Missy can even cry.
Try it. Be your own superhero. Name the different parts of you that come out when the world demands it. See what a new, focused, best version of you can accomplish and don't look back.
