The first guitar that Arthur Lee (best known as the mastermind behind sixties cult-legends Love) touched when he got out of jail belonged to Nashville-based songwriter Diana Darby. Such an endorsement is fitting, as Darby illumines the darker corners of folk-rock in a way not dissimilar to the third Velvet Underground album, or Forever Changes. Recorded in her home (and replete with cameos from domestic life's soundtrack), her new album Fantasia Ball feels like the confessional you were never meant to listen in on: raw, beautiful, and so nakedly personal that you lean in closer to the speakers afraid that the spell might unravel if your attention wavered:
Keith Daniels: You're in Texas right now.
DD: I'm in Houston.
KD: Just hanging out with the folks?
DD: No, they're gone. [laughs] I'm in the house alone. Are you kidding? You've heard my album! "Hanging out with the folks"? [laughs]
KD: So they asked you to house-sit.
DD: I don't know- it kindof worked out that way. It's a long story. They went to go visit my sister in California, and I came here. So I'm here alone.
KD: What do you do when you're chilling out alone at your parent's house?
DD: I never get to chill out when I'm here. I spent the first week trying to get my mother's pool fixed. [laughs] The motor hasn't been working in like two years. The past week I've been going to yoga class, and I've been doing a lot of writing. Now that I'm alone I'm finally kicking in to do some writing.
KD: Is Yoga something you've just gotten into?
DD: I've always danced and did all that kind of stuff. I've always been into it. I'm taking Ashtanga Yoga classes. They're really intense, and afterwards your whole being feels like jello. The benefit is that it makes me sane, or saner. [laughs]
KD: So you're more interested in the physical benefits of it than say, the philosophy behind it.
DD: The physical aspects of it and the spiritual go hand in hand. For me, with Yoga, the physical clears my mental chatter. I've [also] discovered this Zen Buddhist center I've been going to. I've been doing a lot of meditation, but I feel like I need the Yoga, the body work, to really help it.
KD: Eastern philosophy is very interesting to you.
DD: Yeah, I don't know why, but it is. I took one [class] when I was a teenager after reading Zen and the Art of Archery, and then when I was in college I took a Zen Buddhism class. I've always really been fascinated by that. To me it's the only religion that makes sense.
KD: It teaches that "God" is within yourself. That it's your responsibility to find God. Is that what you like about it?
DD: I like how it creates independence from everything else. I love to not be so effected by exteriors, and to find a center. I think that's really important.
KD: So when you were growing up you had a hard time not being influenced by what was going on around you?
DD: I still do. [laughs] It's ongoing. It's current.
KD: Were you raised in a traditional church?
DD: No, I had a very unorthodox upbringing. My father is an atheist, and my mother was a Southern Baptist. Thus the songs I write. He is, and was, very anti-religion of any form. My mom pretty much dropped out of the whole Baptist church when I was nine. So we went to church maybe twice, and that was it. I think that traditional church has its blessings, but I'm glad I wasn't raised with all the guilt of being a Southern Baptist.
KD: So what is it that you have difficulty with? Your image of yourself, or I guess the short question being What's the problem?" [laughs]
DD: [laughs] I have a very hard time staying present in my own body for whatever reason. I don't know why.
KD: Do you mean out-of-body experiences, or lucid dreams?
DD: More than lucid dreams. I physically feel like I'm unable to stay present in myself throughout the day. It's very hard for me.
KD: Do you mean that metaphorically, or literally?
DD: Literally. I have a hard time staying in myself, and like I said I have a lot of thought chatter that goes on if I don't do these things. Yoga is something that I need to do everyday to have any chance at sanity. [These experiences] lead me down very dark holes, which is great for writing, but it's kindof hellish.
KD: So where do you go when you leave your body?
DD: I'm just kindof spinning around the room.
KD: Has that always been the case?
DD: It's more when I get in close contact with someone that I'm involved with in a relationship. As long as I'm alone in life I'm saner.
KD: Have you ever considered psychiatric drugs?
DD: I don't do well with drugs. I really don't. I've bought them, and I just can't handle them, honestly. I tried one once, and I felt totally numb from it. I can't live my life on my medication. I'd rather do Yoga and meditation, write songs. [laughs]
KD: There is a sense that you sometimes would have to trade your creativity for your sanity. So, to you, your creativity is more important than having a smile on your face?
DD: I don't want a smile on my face all day. Smiling people make me nervous. I don't understand everyone being so happy all the time, that's very hard for me. It's very strange. I don't understand why people have a problem with unhappiness. Why does everyone have to be happy all the time?
KD: And according to Zen it's all a perception anyway.
DD: Yeah, it's true. I think the most important thing is to be able to be with whatever feelings you're having in that moment. Too many people want to run away from them, not look at them, find something exterior to busy themselves with. I don't believe in that.
KD: What do you look for in a guy? And what is it about being in a relationship that drives you nuts?
DD: Y'know, I wasn't looking for anyone, honestly. I never look for a guy. I think I try to run from all of them as much as possible.
KD: But they chase you down anyway. [laughs] Are you involved in a relationship now?
DD: Yeah, I have been for a while now, actually. We met at a +Guy Clark+ show in Nashville. He was there visiting, and I just happened to sit down on this empty milk crate that was there. He came and sat down next to me and we started talking.
KD: And you couldn't get rid of him.
DD: No. Him or my dog that moved in with me.
KD: Was he a stray? The dog I mean
DD: [laughs] The dog and the boyfriend have a lot in common.
KD: [laughs] How's that?
DD: They're both the same! They're literally the same animal. In fact, for a long time when my dog first moved in with me, every morning I kept thinking I was going to walk out into his room and there'd be this naked man lying there. That the dog would have transformed. The dog thinks he's my boyfriend.
KD: That wouldn't be such a bad thing though
DD: No, no... He just moved in, he really did. The dog was about three months old, and actually a neighbor had him. They lived around the corner, and they didn't want him. They told me they didn't want him, which I couldn't believe, because he was adorable. He dragged this cardboard box and his blankets from next door and just stuck it at my back door. I watched him do it. I had no say in the matter. The dog moved in, and I'm lucky to live there.
KD: What do you mean when you say that your dog and your boyfriend are the same?
DD: They are! They really are. They're both very independent. They're both messy. They both have skinny rears. They're the same animal.
KD: Is your boyfriend interested in Yoga as well?
DD: Oh yeah. He's very interested in it.
KD: Has it helped your love life at all, the flexibility? [laughs]
DD: Yeah. You mean, have we been doing it on one leg? [laughs] It just helps you to get more present in anything, whatever that would be.
KD: That's the PG answer.
DD: Yes. [laughs]
KD: How long have you lived in Nashville?
DD: About six years now.
KD: Interesting town?
DD: Not if you want to eat.
KD: Are you a vegetarian?
DD: No, it's not that. It's just that there's no good restaurants. There's really no good food. Maybe two places, and that's about it. Every time I eat out I get sick. I decide whether I'm going to go to a restaurant again, or not, based on whether it made me nauseous. If it doesn't, I might go back, but otherwise there's very few. It's the only town I've ever lived in where I literally get sick every time I eat out.
KD: So what do you like about Nashville?
DD: I want to move! [laughs]
KD: [laughs] Why did you move there in the first place? Was it for songwriting?
DD: Well, originally, when I first started this whole thing I was pretty much a lyricist only, and everyone said You should move to Nashville. You should move to Nashville. You'll get to write with a bunch of different writers." So the first year I was there I did that, and then it progressed so that I was doing my own music, and I don't co-write with anyone now. So I don't need to live there, and I don't want to live there anymore. It's way too conservative for me, and I think health-wise I don't do that well there. I've had a lot of allergy/sinus problems that I'd never had before in my life until I moved there. So yeah, I'm looking to move.
KD: The way that the Nashville machine writes songs is very different from the way that I've read that you wrote this album.
DD: Yes.
KD: Was that a conscious decision, to write straight from the Id?
DD: Well that's how I did Naked Time also. This is one step further into the Id than Naked Time. I wouldn't say it's a conscious decision. It's just how I work now. At that time I wasn't my own artist, and I was just writing and co-writing songs, thinking always that a song would be great for someone else to cut, and it became very different when I became my own artist and started writing songs that I wanted to do.
KD: Did you work on any songs that became hits for somebody else?
DD: No. [laughs] Who knows, though.
KD: You cover a Jagger/Richards song on this album. Would you be honored if someone covered one of your songs twenty years down the road?
DD: Depending who. That would be great.
KD: What do you like to hear in a cover song?
DD: I think a reworking can be really cool. If someone brings something really new to it, that's great.
KD: I've been told that you also have books of poetry published.
DD: There's one in a magazine called Omnibus. I think that's done nationwide. I actually studied with the editor, Jack Grapes, for a long time, when I lived in Los Angeles. I try to put up a poem every day on my website. I want to take the best of the those and start creating poetry books to put out.
KD: You've mentioned Mary Oliver as an inspiration. What do you enjoy about her work?
DD: I think I'm really drawn to nature. A lot of her work centers around nature. Something about that I find myself writing about observing my dog, or leaves, or flowers. I don't know if it's the Buddhist in me, I'm very drawn to that kind of thing.
KD: Who are some of the other poets that you like?
DD: I love Anne Sexton, and Sharon Olds.
KD: Does the public disinterest in poetry, nowadays, disappoint you?
DD: Is there a disinterest?
KD: Well, a hundred years ago every paper used to run poetry, and now most people couldn't tell you who the Poet Laureate of the United States is. Poetry books used to be bestsellers.
DD: Well, I've always been so interested. I don't know what anyone else is doing. I'm more concerned with other things about people in this world. Maybe if people read more poetry things would be different.
KD: What was your impression when you met Arthur Lee [lead singer of Love]? Obviously you're a fan.
DD: I'm a huge fan! It was really exciting to get to meet him. [My publicist], Mark, used to manage him -- I don't know if he told you. After [Arthur] got out of jail, Mark was one of the first people he called, and told him he was out. He was down in Memphis dealing with some property thing, and we went down to see him and brought a guitar along in the hope that we could get him to play. He hadn't played in eight years. At first he didn't want to touch it. We opened the case, I was playing, and we finally got him to play it. He started strumming, and I told him how much I love the song Andmoreagain". He played that, and I sang along with him. That was great.
KD: That Forever Changes record is insane, it's so good.
DD: Yeah, I've been listening to it today.
KD: You're going on an East coast tour soon.
DD: It's me and my guitar, there's no big bus or anything. I go out for a week or two at a time and come back, and we're definitely hoping to tour a lot more with this record. I'm going to do Europe as well in the fall.
KD: Have you been to Europe before?
DD: I have as a person, but not as a traveling musician.
KD: Where'd you go?
DD: France and England. I went to the Isle of Skye in Scotland, which I loved. Belgium, and Italy, which is insane. The men in Italy are insane.
KD: [laughs] I hear they're quite aggressive.
DD: Oh my god, unbelievable. They follow you around in packs. It's very strange.
KD: You've got to wonder if they have much success with that tactic.
DD: I don't understand the whole thing, and they can be standing there with their girlfriend or their wife, and totally check you out the whole time right in front of them. But they do have good gelatto.
KD: What made the strongest impression on you in Europe? You mentioned the Isle of Skye.
DD: It's very beautiful. It's a magical place. I stayed at this bed and breakfast that was run by these two people that were in their eighties. It was the kind of deal where she put hot water bottles in your bed, and every morning you'd go in there and she made these amazing breakfasts with fish and eggs, and shortbread cookies. It was like staying at some magical grandparent's house that I never had. It was incredible.
KD: Where would you move to if you left Nashville?
DD: I really want to live in either Seattle, or New York. [laughs] They're pretty far apart from each other.
KD: How will you decide?
DD: Possibly by money. [laughs] It's hard because they're both expensive. I don't think there's a lot of cheap housing in either place. It just depends. I don't know if you've ever lived in New York or not, but there's something about being there and having the New York experience. I think it's a writer's dream in a lot of ways. You just see things that you don't see anywhere else. Then Seattle, I guess I always dreamed I'd have a house in Seattle overlooking the water and I'd just sit and write all day. There's something very serene and tranquil, and special and magical about Seattle. I always thought I wanted to live there, and then when I've gone to New York I've also been really drawn to that kind of lifestyle. They're very different. I feel like if I don't move to New York I'll get too old to experience that kind of thing.
KD: What kind of lifestyle do you mean?
DD: That fast-paced lifestyle where there's a million things to do no matter what time of day it is. Museums and restaurants and culture and weird poetry, dance, and theater. There's constantly something you could go explore and see in New York that you wouldn't see in other places.
KD: Knowing me I'd move to somewhere like that and then stay in my house.
DD: I know. I'd like to think I wouldn't, but in Nashville I definitely do that. I just like how alive it is New York.
KD: I also don't know if I'd want to live somewhere that was like a giant bulls-eye.
DD: My mother says that to me all the time. Of course she always says I'd be depressed in Seattle because it's too gray.
KD: Where does she think you'd be happy?
DD: Oh, probably living in her house. [laughs] Or at least in the same city. I like the gray. That's something I've always liked. I find comfort in the gray. It's my kind of weather. I like how I feel when it's gray out. I hated living in Los Angeles because it was sunny all the time. It drove me crazy. I can't take that kind of pressure. I can't take where it's sunny every day, and if you don't feel that way People rollerblading everywhere, it makes me crazy. I like the change of seasons too. It never felt like Christmas in L.A. They shouldn't even have it there, forget it.
KD: Did they tell you what kind of site this interview was for?
DD: Porno? [laughs]
KD: [laughs] Yeah, I guess, but it's very soft-core.
DD: It really is for a porno site?
KD: Yeah, but it's porn for punks. Girls with tattoos, and piercings, and things like that.
DD: Oh great, so I'm totally virginal in that sense. I don't have anything pierced. I have nothing. Zero. I don't even wear makeup.
KD: But you like being naked! At least, according to the first CD.
DD: Oh yeah! Naked's great. Nothing wrong with being naked.
KD: Is it ever hard for you to look at yourself, naked, in a mirror?
DD: No. I love my body. [laughs] I have great attachment to it, actually. I'm really happy with my body. I always have been. No qualms about it. I know that's hard to believe.
KD: Oh?
DD: Well, I know most women don't [like their bodies], but I've always been really comfortable with my body.
KD: You ever thought about going to a nudist retreat?
DD: Yeah, but I'm worried I wouldn't like anyone else's body! [laughs] There's not many bodies that I see naked that I like. They'd all have to pass some kind of inspection
KD: Do you ever want to write songs again that aren't like, the first take, or is that part of the charm of it?
DD: I guess I like the less polished way, but I'm not against doing the other, too. I just do it alone now. I'm working on this political song now that's very polished.
KD: What's it about?
DD: It's about how we're losing our freedom of speech in this country.
KD: What inspired that in particular?
DD: I think I saw this thing on 60 Minutes" about a woman that was blowing the whistle on people and I think it's just the whole vibe in this country right now. The Dixie Chick's backlash I really get the feeling, especially when you live in Tennessee everyone has their American flag out, they have their bumper-sticker on their car supporting the troops, and I don't get it. It's like if you say anything against it--you're strung up. It feels like somewhere we lost freedom of speech in this country, because if you say anything against Bush, or this war, you're life's in danger just about.
KD: It's amazing how fast it happened, too.
DD: Yeah, I don't get it. I'm like Where are all the Clinton people? Where did everyone go?" It's really scary to me. What part of the world are you in?
KD: Oklahoma.
DD: So it's probably scary there too.
KD: [laughs]
DD: It's very scary, in Texas, when I walk around this neighborhood, and back in Nashville too. It's just gotten to the point where in the press, and the way things are covered, that there's not freedom of speech anymore. It really worries me.
KD: There's a sense that you're somehow unpatriotic if you criticize your country, but to me, that's your duty.
DD: Right, that's what Jefferson said. I agree, and I think unfortunately that Bush has set the tone for that kind of thing by reducing this country to four-letter words. That's what he's essentially done. Evil." Good." Those are the only words he uses!
KD: So it'd be safe to assume you're not voting for him in 2004.
DD: I never did, nor will I ever. [laughs]
KD: So who are you voting for? There are so many Democrats running right now.
DD: I don't know. I'm worried. I think the Democrats have all lost their balls. [laughs] I wish Hillary would run!
KD: [laughs] She has more balls.
DD: She does! Or else she carries Bill's. [laughs]
KD: [laughs] I think she's had them for a couple of years.
DD: She has. I think he was getting too much use out of them. [laughs] I don't know like I said, that's part of what I'm upset about, is how silent the Democrats have been in all this. It's like they've completely rolled over.
KD: Even Leiberman supported the war.
DD: Yeah. It's weird for us to go attacking people. I don't think that that's what America is about.
KD: Do you believe that war is always wrong, or that it should only be for a just cause?
DD: [sighs] That's hard. I'd like to say that it's always wrong. I'm against killing. I really am. I'd like to hope and think that there's some other solution we could try and find, but you can't always answer that question, depending on the situation and what's happening in this world.
KD: Did you ever think about moving to Europe?
DD: Yeah, I really did, recently, after we invaded Iraq. I probably shouldn't say this, but I've never been less proud to be an American in my life. I'm really, really unhappy about what we're doing.
KD: So what have you done to make your views heard, besides write songs?
DD: Well, I do my poetry. I've written some pretty strong anti-Bush poems. Some virtual protest marching, online. I've done what I can. I've gone to some marches in Nashville.
KD: Do you always vote?
DD: Oh yeah, heavily. I've always registered voters, and I worked for Clinton in '92. I was a paid worker for him.
KD: What did you do?
DD: I was in charge of an entire area in L.A. I oversaw about a hundred thousand votes, and I was responsible for getting those votes in. We had a 98% turnout. I was really happy.
KD: Since you've worked for the Democratic party, it's pretty serious for you not to know who to support.
DD: I felt disappointed by Clinton. I felt like he sold out some. He didn't end up being as liberal as I'd hoped he was going to be. I got really turned off of politics after that. It's hard, you start feeling like everyone's blind and it's all a bunch of bologna. I want to put my efforts where they matter. I want to find ways to help, but I don't think that I want to do that again -- because I feel like in a weird way you just kindof get used.
KD: Do you ever feel like you're living in the wrong time period?
DD: [laughs] I've always felt like I was living in the wrong time period. I used to tell my mom when I was growing up I wish I could've been a flower child." I wanted to just run around and take LSD and have wild sex with lots of people.
KD: Well you could still take LSD and have wild sex.
DD: And listen to the Beatles! But not be there with them. I've never done any of that. Well I've never taken LSD. [laughs]
KD: [laughs] You've never experimented with drugs?
DD: Well, just pot. I'm scared of I have an extremely vivid imagination, and ask anyone that knows me I am the biggest lightweight that ever lived. Half a glass of anything alcoholic and I'm drunk. So I'm highly sensitive to drugs. For me, I think that if I did it, that would be the end. I'd probably never come back; you could just cart me away somewhere. So that's why I haven't messed too much with that kind of stuff. I already have LSD effects all the time. I don't think I need to take drugs.
KD: I think I've got about ten minutes left on my tape. Would you like to read one of your poems?
DD: This is one that I like a lot. I'll read it to you, and then if I have time I'll read a Bush one. This one's called Three Hundred Boxes":
People are dying.
Dying from fast food.
McDonalds & Wendy's shoved down their mouths
And into their hearts.
People want things fast.
Their food and their love
They want to know someone with their hips
Before they know them with their lips.
They want everything.
My sister wants everything.
It's Saturday night and she wants a date.
She's just moved two thousand miles into a new house
And into a new practice
She's surrounded by 300 boxes that she
Has yet to unpack.
And she wants a date.
She's calling to see what all her Internet friends
Are up to tonight.
She's chasing after them
Running after them
Looking to find a place where she can belong
Looking to escape her 300 boxes for the night.
I keep myself locked in a box.
I never go out
And I don't wait for anyone to get me out
I like the box I'm in
It's tight
Secure
Small
I know it so well
"Come and sit down you paper-faced fuck.
Come tell me again how good you are to me.
Come and tell me
Come and tell me
So I'll never want to leave."
It's Saturday night and I'm making carrot soup
While some poor overweight man with deteriorating arteries
Is ordering his meal at a drive-in window
So he can shove it down while he sits in a parking lot
Alone.
Our food comes in boxes
Disposable recyclable boxes.
Love comes in boxes.
Heart shaped boxes
And when we die we're put into a box
A big metal box.
KD: How do you express love when you feel it? Obviously, you're not into the more commercial methods.
DD: I don't know if anyone knows what love is. For me, I look around at this world and I see a lot of unhappiness, like the people going through the drive-in. I think people are really out of touch. In our attempt to be connected all the time via internet, cell phones, we've lost touch with ourselves. I don't think anyone can just be in the moment anymore. They've got to be in eight moments. They've got to be shopping, and on the phone, while they're looking at their portable TV. It's too much, and it worries me, even with the internet, how people have created this pseudo-connectedness. This pseudo-closeness, and you really don't know what anyone's hiding behind. I think it's really strange and warped to me. I watch the world and I really fear for what it's becoming, maybe I'm over-dramatizing, but I don't think so.
KD: So what made you break down and get a computer that had internet access?
DD: [laughs] I didn't do that much internet until Naked Time, and then I started to have to have a way to communicate with fans and writers. I think it's sick though. I find myself that if you have access you're always checking your email. It's kindof a weird, almost habitual thing, and then when you go away somewhere where you don't have access for a couple of days when you come back you think Why was I always checking my email?" It's weird, when you stop watching TV, stop interneting, you realize that some things are a distraction pulling you away from yourself all the time.
KD: Now, you said you were going to read another poem.
DD: Oh, sure! Well, this is not a true anti-Bush poem. It's kindof my Valentine's day poem. This is called Valentine's Day 2003":
It's Valentine's Day.
It's rainy and shitty and I have poison ivy.
In Nashville, the women wear red vests
with little hearts on them.
Why, I don't know.
It doesn't feel like Valentine's Day today.
It feels like the end of the world.
Bush is leading us into a stupid war
where hearts will bleed and fall
and bodies will come home in bags.
Yesterday my boyfriend bought me a blue
lava lamp
from Big Lots.
I wanted one with red lava inside
to put on my desk while I write.
I wanted to see red blobs pulsating
to remind me of passion
passion in a glass
Red transfixing, passion,
exploding then subsiding
exploding then subsiding
exploding then subsiding.
But putting a lava lamp on your desk
to remind you you're alive
is like giving birth
when you're already dead.
Tonight I'll dine in a restaurant
at a cotton linen table
while someone in a tent wonders
if he'll ever see
his loved ones again.
All because of a man with no heart.
Diana Darby's latest release is Fantasia Ball. Dates for her midsummer East coast tour as well as MP3s, reviews, and more selections of her poetry can be found at Diana Darby.com.
Keith Daniels: You're in Texas right now.
DD: I'm in Houston.
KD: Just hanging out with the folks?
DD: No, they're gone. [laughs] I'm in the house alone. Are you kidding? You've heard my album! "Hanging out with the folks"? [laughs]
KD: So they asked you to house-sit.
DD: I don't know- it kindof worked out that way. It's a long story. They went to go visit my sister in California, and I came here. So I'm here alone.
KD: What do you do when you're chilling out alone at your parent's house?
DD: I never get to chill out when I'm here. I spent the first week trying to get my mother's pool fixed. [laughs] The motor hasn't been working in like two years. The past week I've been going to yoga class, and I've been doing a lot of writing. Now that I'm alone I'm finally kicking in to do some writing.
KD: Is Yoga something you've just gotten into?
DD: I've always danced and did all that kind of stuff. I've always been into it. I'm taking Ashtanga Yoga classes. They're really intense, and afterwards your whole being feels like jello. The benefit is that it makes me sane, or saner. [laughs]
KD: So you're more interested in the physical benefits of it than say, the philosophy behind it.
DD: The physical aspects of it and the spiritual go hand in hand. For me, with Yoga, the physical clears my mental chatter. I've [also] discovered this Zen Buddhist center I've been going to. I've been doing a lot of meditation, but I feel like I need the Yoga, the body work, to really help it.
KD: Eastern philosophy is very interesting to you.
DD: Yeah, I don't know why, but it is. I took one [class] when I was a teenager after reading Zen and the Art of Archery, and then when I was in college I took a Zen Buddhism class. I've always really been fascinated by that. To me it's the only religion that makes sense.
KD: It teaches that "God" is within yourself. That it's your responsibility to find God. Is that what you like about it?
DD: I like how it creates independence from everything else. I love to not be so effected by exteriors, and to find a center. I think that's really important.
KD: So when you were growing up you had a hard time not being influenced by what was going on around you?
DD: I still do. [laughs] It's ongoing. It's current.
KD: Were you raised in a traditional church?
DD: No, I had a very unorthodox upbringing. My father is an atheist, and my mother was a Southern Baptist. Thus the songs I write. He is, and was, very anti-religion of any form. My mom pretty much dropped out of the whole Baptist church when I was nine. So we went to church maybe twice, and that was it. I think that traditional church has its blessings, but I'm glad I wasn't raised with all the guilt of being a Southern Baptist.
KD: So what is it that you have difficulty with? Your image of yourself, or I guess the short question being What's the problem?" [laughs]
DD: [laughs] I have a very hard time staying present in my own body for whatever reason. I don't know why.
KD: Do you mean out-of-body experiences, or lucid dreams?
DD: More than lucid dreams. I physically feel like I'm unable to stay present in myself throughout the day. It's very hard for me.
KD: Do you mean that metaphorically, or literally?
DD: Literally. I have a hard time staying in myself, and like I said I have a lot of thought chatter that goes on if I don't do these things. Yoga is something that I need to do everyday to have any chance at sanity. [These experiences] lead me down very dark holes, which is great for writing, but it's kindof hellish.
KD: So where do you go when you leave your body?
DD: I'm just kindof spinning around the room.
KD: Has that always been the case?
DD: It's more when I get in close contact with someone that I'm involved with in a relationship. As long as I'm alone in life I'm saner.
KD: Have you ever considered psychiatric drugs?
DD: I don't do well with drugs. I really don't. I've bought them, and I just can't handle them, honestly. I tried one once, and I felt totally numb from it. I can't live my life on my medication. I'd rather do Yoga and meditation, write songs. [laughs]
KD: There is a sense that you sometimes would have to trade your creativity for your sanity. So, to you, your creativity is more important than having a smile on your face?
DD: I don't want a smile on my face all day. Smiling people make me nervous. I don't understand everyone being so happy all the time, that's very hard for me. It's very strange. I don't understand why people have a problem with unhappiness. Why does everyone have to be happy all the time?
KD: And according to Zen it's all a perception anyway.
DD: Yeah, it's true. I think the most important thing is to be able to be with whatever feelings you're having in that moment. Too many people want to run away from them, not look at them, find something exterior to busy themselves with. I don't believe in that.
KD: What do you look for in a guy? And what is it about being in a relationship that drives you nuts?
DD: Y'know, I wasn't looking for anyone, honestly. I never look for a guy. I think I try to run from all of them as much as possible.
KD: But they chase you down anyway. [laughs] Are you involved in a relationship now?
DD: Yeah, I have been for a while now, actually. We met at a +Guy Clark+ show in Nashville. He was there visiting, and I just happened to sit down on this empty milk crate that was there. He came and sat down next to me and we started talking.
KD: And you couldn't get rid of him.
DD: No. Him or my dog that moved in with me.
KD: Was he a stray? The dog I mean
DD: [laughs] The dog and the boyfriend have a lot in common.
KD: [laughs] How's that?
DD: They're both the same! They're literally the same animal. In fact, for a long time when my dog first moved in with me, every morning I kept thinking I was going to walk out into his room and there'd be this naked man lying there. That the dog would have transformed. The dog thinks he's my boyfriend.
KD: That wouldn't be such a bad thing though
DD: No, no... He just moved in, he really did. The dog was about three months old, and actually a neighbor had him. They lived around the corner, and they didn't want him. They told me they didn't want him, which I couldn't believe, because he was adorable. He dragged this cardboard box and his blankets from next door and just stuck it at my back door. I watched him do it. I had no say in the matter. The dog moved in, and I'm lucky to live there.
KD: What do you mean when you say that your dog and your boyfriend are the same?
DD: They are! They really are. They're both very independent. They're both messy. They both have skinny rears. They're the same animal.
KD: Is your boyfriend interested in Yoga as well?
DD: Oh yeah. He's very interested in it.
KD: Has it helped your love life at all, the flexibility? [laughs]
DD: Yeah. You mean, have we been doing it on one leg? [laughs] It just helps you to get more present in anything, whatever that would be.
KD: That's the PG answer.
DD: Yes. [laughs]
KD: How long have you lived in Nashville?
DD: About six years now.
KD: Interesting town?
DD: Not if you want to eat.
KD: Are you a vegetarian?
DD: No, it's not that. It's just that there's no good restaurants. There's really no good food. Maybe two places, and that's about it. Every time I eat out I get sick. I decide whether I'm going to go to a restaurant again, or not, based on whether it made me nauseous. If it doesn't, I might go back, but otherwise there's very few. It's the only town I've ever lived in where I literally get sick every time I eat out.
KD: So what do you like about Nashville?
DD: I want to move! [laughs]
KD: [laughs] Why did you move there in the first place? Was it for songwriting?
DD: Well, originally, when I first started this whole thing I was pretty much a lyricist only, and everyone said You should move to Nashville. You should move to Nashville. You'll get to write with a bunch of different writers." So the first year I was there I did that, and then it progressed so that I was doing my own music, and I don't co-write with anyone now. So I don't need to live there, and I don't want to live there anymore. It's way too conservative for me, and I think health-wise I don't do that well there. I've had a lot of allergy/sinus problems that I'd never had before in my life until I moved there. So yeah, I'm looking to move.
KD: The way that the Nashville machine writes songs is very different from the way that I've read that you wrote this album.
DD: Yes.
KD: Was that a conscious decision, to write straight from the Id?
DD: Well that's how I did Naked Time also. This is one step further into the Id than Naked Time. I wouldn't say it's a conscious decision. It's just how I work now. At that time I wasn't my own artist, and I was just writing and co-writing songs, thinking always that a song would be great for someone else to cut, and it became very different when I became my own artist and started writing songs that I wanted to do.
KD: Did you work on any songs that became hits for somebody else?
DD: No. [laughs] Who knows, though.
KD: You cover a Jagger/Richards song on this album. Would you be honored if someone covered one of your songs twenty years down the road?
DD: Depending who. That would be great.
KD: What do you like to hear in a cover song?
DD: I think a reworking can be really cool. If someone brings something really new to it, that's great.
KD: I've been told that you also have books of poetry published.
DD: There's one in a magazine called Omnibus. I think that's done nationwide. I actually studied with the editor, Jack Grapes, for a long time, when I lived in Los Angeles. I try to put up a poem every day on my website. I want to take the best of the those and start creating poetry books to put out.
KD: You've mentioned Mary Oliver as an inspiration. What do you enjoy about her work?
DD: I think I'm really drawn to nature. A lot of her work centers around nature. Something about that I find myself writing about observing my dog, or leaves, or flowers. I don't know if it's the Buddhist in me, I'm very drawn to that kind of thing.
KD: Who are some of the other poets that you like?
DD: I love Anne Sexton, and Sharon Olds.
KD: Does the public disinterest in poetry, nowadays, disappoint you?
DD: Is there a disinterest?
KD: Well, a hundred years ago every paper used to run poetry, and now most people couldn't tell you who the Poet Laureate of the United States is. Poetry books used to be bestsellers.
DD: Well, I've always been so interested. I don't know what anyone else is doing. I'm more concerned with other things about people in this world. Maybe if people read more poetry things would be different.
KD: What was your impression when you met Arthur Lee [lead singer of Love]? Obviously you're a fan.
DD: I'm a huge fan! It was really exciting to get to meet him. [My publicist], Mark, used to manage him -- I don't know if he told you. After [Arthur] got out of jail, Mark was one of the first people he called, and told him he was out. He was down in Memphis dealing with some property thing, and we went down to see him and brought a guitar along in the hope that we could get him to play. He hadn't played in eight years. At first he didn't want to touch it. We opened the case, I was playing, and we finally got him to play it. He started strumming, and I told him how much I love the song Andmoreagain". He played that, and I sang along with him. That was great.
KD: That Forever Changes record is insane, it's so good.
DD: Yeah, I've been listening to it today.
KD: You're going on an East coast tour soon.
DD: It's me and my guitar, there's no big bus or anything. I go out for a week or two at a time and come back, and we're definitely hoping to tour a lot more with this record. I'm going to do Europe as well in the fall.
KD: Have you been to Europe before?
DD: I have as a person, but not as a traveling musician.
KD: Where'd you go?
DD: France and England. I went to the Isle of Skye in Scotland, which I loved. Belgium, and Italy, which is insane. The men in Italy are insane.
KD: [laughs] I hear they're quite aggressive.
DD: Oh my god, unbelievable. They follow you around in packs. It's very strange.
KD: You've got to wonder if they have much success with that tactic.
DD: I don't understand the whole thing, and they can be standing there with their girlfriend or their wife, and totally check you out the whole time right in front of them. But they do have good gelatto.
KD: What made the strongest impression on you in Europe? You mentioned the Isle of Skye.
DD: It's very beautiful. It's a magical place. I stayed at this bed and breakfast that was run by these two people that were in their eighties. It was the kind of deal where she put hot water bottles in your bed, and every morning you'd go in there and she made these amazing breakfasts with fish and eggs, and shortbread cookies. It was like staying at some magical grandparent's house that I never had. It was incredible.
KD: Where would you move to if you left Nashville?
DD: I really want to live in either Seattle, or New York. [laughs] They're pretty far apart from each other.
KD: How will you decide?
DD: Possibly by money. [laughs] It's hard because they're both expensive. I don't think there's a lot of cheap housing in either place. It just depends. I don't know if you've ever lived in New York or not, but there's something about being there and having the New York experience. I think it's a writer's dream in a lot of ways. You just see things that you don't see anywhere else. Then Seattle, I guess I always dreamed I'd have a house in Seattle overlooking the water and I'd just sit and write all day. There's something very serene and tranquil, and special and magical about Seattle. I always thought I wanted to live there, and then when I've gone to New York I've also been really drawn to that kind of lifestyle. They're very different. I feel like if I don't move to New York I'll get too old to experience that kind of thing.
KD: What kind of lifestyle do you mean?
DD: That fast-paced lifestyle where there's a million things to do no matter what time of day it is. Museums and restaurants and culture and weird poetry, dance, and theater. There's constantly something you could go explore and see in New York that you wouldn't see in other places.
KD: Knowing me I'd move to somewhere like that and then stay in my house.
DD: I know. I'd like to think I wouldn't, but in Nashville I definitely do that. I just like how alive it is New York.
KD: I also don't know if I'd want to live somewhere that was like a giant bulls-eye.
DD: My mother says that to me all the time. Of course she always says I'd be depressed in Seattle because it's too gray.
KD: Where does she think you'd be happy?
DD: Oh, probably living in her house. [laughs] Or at least in the same city. I like the gray. That's something I've always liked. I find comfort in the gray. It's my kind of weather. I like how I feel when it's gray out. I hated living in Los Angeles because it was sunny all the time. It drove me crazy. I can't take that kind of pressure. I can't take where it's sunny every day, and if you don't feel that way People rollerblading everywhere, it makes me crazy. I like the change of seasons too. It never felt like Christmas in L.A. They shouldn't even have it there, forget it.
KD: Did they tell you what kind of site this interview was for?
DD: Porno? [laughs]
KD: [laughs] Yeah, I guess, but it's very soft-core.
DD: It really is for a porno site?
KD: Yeah, but it's porn for punks. Girls with tattoos, and piercings, and things like that.
DD: Oh great, so I'm totally virginal in that sense. I don't have anything pierced. I have nothing. Zero. I don't even wear makeup.
KD: But you like being naked! At least, according to the first CD.
DD: Oh yeah! Naked's great. Nothing wrong with being naked.
KD: Is it ever hard for you to look at yourself, naked, in a mirror?
DD: No. I love my body. [laughs] I have great attachment to it, actually. I'm really happy with my body. I always have been. No qualms about it. I know that's hard to believe.
KD: Oh?
DD: Well, I know most women don't [like their bodies], but I've always been really comfortable with my body.
KD: You ever thought about going to a nudist retreat?
DD: Yeah, but I'm worried I wouldn't like anyone else's body! [laughs] There's not many bodies that I see naked that I like. They'd all have to pass some kind of inspection
KD: Do you ever want to write songs again that aren't like, the first take, or is that part of the charm of it?
DD: I guess I like the less polished way, but I'm not against doing the other, too. I just do it alone now. I'm working on this political song now that's very polished.
KD: What's it about?
DD: It's about how we're losing our freedom of speech in this country.
KD: What inspired that in particular?
DD: I think I saw this thing on 60 Minutes" about a woman that was blowing the whistle on people and I think it's just the whole vibe in this country right now. The Dixie Chick's backlash I really get the feeling, especially when you live in Tennessee everyone has their American flag out, they have their bumper-sticker on their car supporting the troops, and I don't get it. It's like if you say anything against it--you're strung up. It feels like somewhere we lost freedom of speech in this country, because if you say anything against Bush, or this war, you're life's in danger just about.
KD: It's amazing how fast it happened, too.
DD: Yeah, I don't get it. I'm like Where are all the Clinton people? Where did everyone go?" It's really scary to me. What part of the world are you in?
KD: Oklahoma.
DD: So it's probably scary there too.
KD: [laughs]
DD: It's very scary, in Texas, when I walk around this neighborhood, and back in Nashville too. It's just gotten to the point where in the press, and the way things are covered, that there's not freedom of speech anymore. It really worries me.
KD: There's a sense that you're somehow unpatriotic if you criticize your country, but to me, that's your duty.
DD: Right, that's what Jefferson said. I agree, and I think unfortunately that Bush has set the tone for that kind of thing by reducing this country to four-letter words. That's what he's essentially done. Evil." Good." Those are the only words he uses!
KD: So it'd be safe to assume you're not voting for him in 2004.
DD: I never did, nor will I ever. [laughs]
KD: So who are you voting for? There are so many Democrats running right now.
DD: I don't know. I'm worried. I think the Democrats have all lost their balls. [laughs] I wish Hillary would run!
KD: [laughs] She has more balls.
DD: She does! Or else she carries Bill's. [laughs]
KD: [laughs] I think she's had them for a couple of years.
DD: She has. I think he was getting too much use out of them. [laughs] I don't know like I said, that's part of what I'm upset about, is how silent the Democrats have been in all this. It's like they've completely rolled over.
KD: Even Leiberman supported the war.
DD: Yeah. It's weird for us to go attacking people. I don't think that that's what America is about.
KD: Do you believe that war is always wrong, or that it should only be for a just cause?
DD: [sighs] That's hard. I'd like to say that it's always wrong. I'm against killing. I really am. I'd like to hope and think that there's some other solution we could try and find, but you can't always answer that question, depending on the situation and what's happening in this world.
KD: Did you ever think about moving to Europe?
DD: Yeah, I really did, recently, after we invaded Iraq. I probably shouldn't say this, but I've never been less proud to be an American in my life. I'm really, really unhappy about what we're doing.
KD: So what have you done to make your views heard, besides write songs?
DD: Well, I do my poetry. I've written some pretty strong anti-Bush poems. Some virtual protest marching, online. I've done what I can. I've gone to some marches in Nashville.
KD: Do you always vote?
DD: Oh yeah, heavily. I've always registered voters, and I worked for Clinton in '92. I was a paid worker for him.
KD: What did you do?
DD: I was in charge of an entire area in L.A. I oversaw about a hundred thousand votes, and I was responsible for getting those votes in. We had a 98% turnout. I was really happy.
KD: Since you've worked for the Democratic party, it's pretty serious for you not to know who to support.
DD: I felt disappointed by Clinton. I felt like he sold out some. He didn't end up being as liberal as I'd hoped he was going to be. I got really turned off of politics after that. It's hard, you start feeling like everyone's blind and it's all a bunch of bologna. I want to put my efforts where they matter. I want to find ways to help, but I don't think that I want to do that again -- because I feel like in a weird way you just kindof get used.
KD: Do you ever feel like you're living in the wrong time period?
DD: [laughs] I've always felt like I was living in the wrong time period. I used to tell my mom when I was growing up I wish I could've been a flower child." I wanted to just run around and take LSD and have wild sex with lots of people.
KD: Well you could still take LSD and have wild sex.
DD: And listen to the Beatles! But not be there with them. I've never done any of that. Well I've never taken LSD. [laughs]
KD: [laughs] You've never experimented with drugs?
DD: Well, just pot. I'm scared of I have an extremely vivid imagination, and ask anyone that knows me I am the biggest lightweight that ever lived. Half a glass of anything alcoholic and I'm drunk. So I'm highly sensitive to drugs. For me, I think that if I did it, that would be the end. I'd probably never come back; you could just cart me away somewhere. So that's why I haven't messed too much with that kind of stuff. I already have LSD effects all the time. I don't think I need to take drugs.
KD: I think I've got about ten minutes left on my tape. Would you like to read one of your poems?
DD: This is one that I like a lot. I'll read it to you, and then if I have time I'll read a Bush one. This one's called Three Hundred Boxes":
People are dying.
Dying from fast food.
McDonalds & Wendy's shoved down their mouths
And into their hearts.
People want things fast.
Their food and their love
They want to know someone with their hips
Before they know them with their lips.
They want everything.
My sister wants everything.
It's Saturday night and she wants a date.
She's just moved two thousand miles into a new house
And into a new practice
She's surrounded by 300 boxes that she
Has yet to unpack.
And she wants a date.
She's calling to see what all her Internet friends
Are up to tonight.
She's chasing after them
Running after them
Looking to find a place where she can belong
Looking to escape her 300 boxes for the night.
I keep myself locked in a box.
I never go out
And I don't wait for anyone to get me out
I like the box I'm in
It's tight
Secure
Small
I know it so well
"Come and sit down you paper-faced fuck.
Come tell me again how good you are to me.
Come and tell me
Come and tell me
So I'll never want to leave."
It's Saturday night and I'm making carrot soup
While some poor overweight man with deteriorating arteries
Is ordering his meal at a drive-in window
So he can shove it down while he sits in a parking lot
Alone.
Our food comes in boxes
Disposable recyclable boxes.
Love comes in boxes.
Heart shaped boxes
And when we die we're put into a box
A big metal box.
KD: How do you express love when you feel it? Obviously, you're not into the more commercial methods.
DD: I don't know if anyone knows what love is. For me, I look around at this world and I see a lot of unhappiness, like the people going through the drive-in. I think people are really out of touch. In our attempt to be connected all the time via internet, cell phones, we've lost touch with ourselves. I don't think anyone can just be in the moment anymore. They've got to be in eight moments. They've got to be shopping, and on the phone, while they're looking at their portable TV. It's too much, and it worries me, even with the internet, how people have created this pseudo-connectedness. This pseudo-closeness, and you really don't know what anyone's hiding behind. I think it's really strange and warped to me. I watch the world and I really fear for what it's becoming, maybe I'm over-dramatizing, but I don't think so.
KD: So what made you break down and get a computer that had internet access?
DD: [laughs] I didn't do that much internet until Naked Time, and then I started to have to have a way to communicate with fans and writers. I think it's sick though. I find myself that if you have access you're always checking your email. It's kindof a weird, almost habitual thing, and then when you go away somewhere where you don't have access for a couple of days when you come back you think Why was I always checking my email?" It's weird, when you stop watching TV, stop interneting, you realize that some things are a distraction pulling you away from yourself all the time.
KD: Now, you said you were going to read another poem.
DD: Oh, sure! Well, this is not a true anti-Bush poem. It's kindof my Valentine's day poem. This is called Valentine's Day 2003":
It's Valentine's Day.
It's rainy and shitty and I have poison ivy.
In Nashville, the women wear red vests
with little hearts on them.
Why, I don't know.
It doesn't feel like Valentine's Day today.
It feels like the end of the world.
Bush is leading us into a stupid war
where hearts will bleed and fall
and bodies will come home in bags.
Yesterday my boyfriend bought me a blue
lava lamp
from Big Lots.
I wanted one with red lava inside
to put on my desk while I write.
I wanted to see red blobs pulsating
to remind me of passion
passion in a glass
Red transfixing, passion,
exploding then subsiding
exploding then subsiding
exploding then subsiding.
But putting a lava lamp on your desk
to remind you you're alive
is like giving birth
when you're already dead.
Tonight I'll dine in a restaurant
at a cotton linen table
while someone in a tent wonders
if he'll ever see
his loved ones again.
All because of a man with no heart.
Diana Darby's latest release is Fantasia Ball. Dates for her midsummer East coast tour as well as MP3s, reviews, and more selections of her poetry can be found at Diana Darby.com.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
Sooo glad you dig it!
Well, like she says in the interview, her publicist, Mark, was previously Arthur Lee's manager before he went to jail. When Lee was released from jail Mark was among the first people he called, and he [Mark] brought Diana along with him to meet Arthur.