misssmartypants

My mom's birthday party was last night. A birthday party for my family includes the entire family. If you do not show up, you are given a guilt trip from every single person. I think even if I were in the hospital dying, they would still tell me I was a piece of shit for not showing up, so you make sure no matter what, you get to those damn birthday parties.

While we were eating dinner, my grandma was going crazy about my birthday cake from this summer because the baker used an old cake (she use to be a baker, so she knows). Somehow this turned into a fight between several family members; either it was a big deal or it was stupid because the cake was still good. My grandma was freaking out because it wasn't a pretty cake. The icing colors had run together from where it had been sitting in a freezer for over a week. I have to say, the cake was good, and it went in my belly so I didn't even remember what it looked like. So finally I interrupted the whole conversation by screaming really loud:

"THAT CAKE MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME!!! IT WAS RUINED.... AND SO IS MY LIFE!!"

I did a fake cry and continued to shove spaghetti in my mouth and chew sadly while wiping my tears. Some family members think I'm funny, others think I'm crazy... I really believe some hate me. My mom knows me so well she almost choked on her food laughing. I got a dirty look from my aunt, and my grandma kinda laughed. I don't think she knew whether I was being serious or not.

Speaking of my aunt, I really do think she has a hatred for me. I don't know if she's so sad about her own life she has to take it out on others, or if I did something that just rubs her the wrong way. At this point I don't even make an effort to speak to her, what's the point? So last night these are the comments I received from her:
" Wow Kristen, where'd you get that hair cut?" Aunt
"Somewhere downtown....oh and you better bet the men LOVE IT." Me
"Oh.. *scoff* I bet they do." (dirty look) Aunt

Why was that necessary? What did I do? NOTHING. Then this happened:
"I can't wait to see Riley" (he's my nephew) Me
"Yeah he was talking about you yesterday" My mom
"I'm surprised he even knows who you are." My aunt
"Um, why?" Me
"You never are around, he probably was asking if he had an Aunt Kristen" aunt
"No, actually he was saying he couldn't wait to see her." My mom
"Sure he did." aunt

This conversation through me because my aunt doesn't even see my nephew but like once a year. I see him a couple times a week. I really think she just hates me. If I say anything she gets defensive or sarcastic. Not like, haha I want to push your buttons and be silly, sarcastic. I think it's, I want you to feel like shit for being alive, sarcastic. I have no clue what her problem is. She makes me uncomfortable, and that's a big deal, because I never get uncomfortable. One more for the road:

"So, what do you guys do at boy scout meetings?" I was asking my cousin, who is my aunt's son
"Well.... we someti-" Cousin who was interrupted
"Not a fucking thing, he never listens and has no clue what's even going on." aunt
My cousin (who is 12) and I just stared at each other... then continued to eat our food.

SO, is this something I should try and talk to her about? Should I just ignore it? I don't think she directs it towards me because she really hates me, I think she hates her own life that much. Misery loves company. I want to reach out, but I'm terrified she will bite me or something. I think she needs an intervention.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! Be safe and eat lots!!!