I'm back.
My account expired and to be fair, I just couldn't be bothered to rejoin but I guess I need somewhere more private to vent.
Last night I became very crabby with the boyfriend, he was talking to my ex (who still doesn't know about us... his best friend) about them starting off a band. Everyday I realize what a mess I got myself into, and that there is no way he will get the conviction to finally tell him. Later on in the night I find out that a local model I was due to work with had put herself in front of a train. Gabby was gorgeous and just turned 17, none of her friends understand why.
Last night I was so scatty, I was actually all over the place, my nerves are shot anyway. I tell Maz whats up about Gabby, he calls me to 'check I'm alright' after a while I switch off, I cant remember what he said in that phonecall because it turned to him. It turned to him because I was crabby and distant with him when my ex was mentioned. He stated that he was meeting up with him later today and 'couldn't promise' but wanted to break it to him then. I say break it to him, just say how 'close we are' not that we have been serious for about 4 months now.
Anyway and the 'can't promises' he mentioned how I was distant, and often girls get that distant and want to break up and that he should know right that second in case he told my ex...
Thank you, I just love pressure when I'm already clearly upset.
Later on I will break up with him, just shows how selfish he is, how self absorbed to not even think about want a mess I am in. I've been putting up with this for so long, and I know so many great single guys too... that just have no luck (I don't understand?). Plus not once has he admitted our relationship to anyone, in fact he freaked when photos of us together at a party turned up online.
Time to call it a day, I would just like the courage.
I have other things to talk about too, better things I guess, but some other time.
My account expired and to be fair, I just couldn't be bothered to rejoin but I guess I need somewhere more private to vent.
Last night I became very crabby with the boyfriend, he was talking to my ex (who still doesn't know about us... his best friend) about them starting off a band. Everyday I realize what a mess I got myself into, and that there is no way he will get the conviction to finally tell him. Later on in the night I find out that a local model I was due to work with had put herself in front of a train. Gabby was gorgeous and just turned 17, none of her friends understand why.
Last night I was so scatty, I was actually all over the place, my nerves are shot anyway. I tell Maz whats up about Gabby, he calls me to 'check I'm alright' after a while I switch off, I cant remember what he said in that phonecall because it turned to him. It turned to him because I was crabby and distant with him when my ex was mentioned. He stated that he was meeting up with him later today and 'couldn't promise' but wanted to break it to him then. I say break it to him, just say how 'close we are' not that we have been serious for about 4 months now.
Anyway and the 'can't promises' he mentioned how I was distant, and often girls get that distant and want to break up and that he should know right that second in case he told my ex...
Thank you, I just love pressure when I'm already clearly upset.
Later on I will break up with him, just shows how selfish he is, how self absorbed to not even think about want a mess I am in. I've been putting up with this for so long, and I know so many great single guys too... that just have no luck (I don't understand?). Plus not once has he admitted our relationship to anyone, in fact he freaked when photos of us together at a party turned up online.
Time to call it a day, I would just like the courage.
I have other things to talk about too, better things I guess, but some other time.
Be strong! Think about what it is you really want and stick to it. You've got the courage you just don't realise it. I think you deserve better.