I have to admit, I'm a sucker for MTV. Mainly because they have all these UBER cheesy reality shows on it like "date my mom" or "tila tequila".. then there is this show called "Made" which I happened to catch 'in the 10 spot' (at 10pm haha) I also enjoy that show so I watched it.
Lemme tell you a bit about this show... 'Made'. They usually pick an individual in High School who writes in wanting to be 'made' into something they aren't, or are lacking. Whether it be a new skill, talent, what have you... it is usually something that people would NEVER expect for that person to do (based on their current personality) 'Made' has made nerdy kids into cool kids. Nonathletic people will learn how to box. Someone who has no co-ordination and is shy with no confidence can be a wake-boarder... dorky girl into prom queen. A huuuge transformation within just 6 short weeks!
The episode that I watched tonight, was about a ginger girl named Hallie. She was right preppy, a straight A student. People in her school said that she's a dork and easy to make fun off. She wasn't very co-ordinated and would trip over her own feet. She was into a lot of extra-curricular activities and was even a 'model U.N' student. No one would ever predict that she was going to be 'made' into.................................. A HIP-HOP DANCER!!!
This girl had ZERO rhythm! No co-ordination! Couldn't dance AT ALL! She had no confidence and people laughed at her all the time in her attempts to learn hip-hop dancing. But after she got a make-over and actually LOOKED the part... she started to BE the part! It was so awesome to see someone come out of their shell, out of their comfort zone... and even go up in front of a ton of people, and dance the routine she had been practicing!!!!!
I saw that episode and was like... "man.... I wanna be 'made" I really wish I could have someone push me to be something I'm not. I'm not outgoing, I'm not confident, I'm not a lot of things that I wish I was. It would be so much easier to embrace change when someone is there every step of the way with you TEACHING YOU how to change!!! Change is FUCKING HARD! I know because I have tried.
Back to the original point of this blog... I have always been intrigued by dancing! I always wished that I could be graceful and learn how to bust out awesome moves. But even at school dances, I would be looking around to see who was "pointing and laughing at me" (made it up in my head because I'm extremely self-conscious) It seems like anyone who IS a good dancer, always has attitude, charisma, grace, and mad skills... It just comes so naturally to them... Like art is natural to me. I guess I can't complain about the talent I've been given... but sometimes I just wish I could possess some of the traits that all dancers have.
This may seem a bit off topic, but it'll tie in, I promise. The other day I had an appointment with my psychologist... she got to asking me a lot of questions to figure out why I've had a lot of hard-core mood swings or generally just being really stressed out or down. It's a lot of shitty feelings that haven't gone away in a while now. I have good days, and bad, like everyone else... but I felt it was time to talk to someone. At the end of our 2hr session, she had concluded that I have social anxiety and depression. The sessions to come will figure out the severity of it. I never thought that -I- would have social anxiety... but coming to think about a lot of different situations, and my feelings or reactions towards them (being hella awkward, nervous, jittery, over-compensating, filling the silence, feeling nauseous, avoiding social situations altogether)... it started to make sense to me.
My entire life I have wanted to be this crazy, silly, outgoing, fun loving, care free person!! I think I have some people fooled, when really... I'm constantly thinking people are judging me, scared of what people think, think people are talking trash or laughing at me, nervous AS FUCK, or acting like the centre of attention to cover up the terrified little girl inside. OR! I can be completely opposite of that in front of new people! I can be SO SHY, I don't talk, I'll sit in the back of a room to not be noticed, don't look people in the face, and am noticeably uncomfortable. There are some people (very few) which I can be myself around. There is a funny side to me! I think I can be entertaining at times in front of people I'm used to...
I don't know why... but I have always had a guard up! I haven't been able to tear that wall down and just be care free! For once in my life, I would like to genuinely feel free of judgment! And it isn't even that people ARE judging me, but in my head, they are! So I'm hoping with the sessions to come, that I am taught how to change my behavior, my self-dialog, my attitude and confidence level. I have the potential to be one of the most vivacious people around! I KNOW I would be a lot more daring and experimental if I just let go of my insecurities.
Who knows, maybe one day I'll be in good enough shape to take a hip-hop class or two!
Lemme tell you a bit about this show... 'Made'. They usually pick an individual in High School who writes in wanting to be 'made' into something they aren't, or are lacking. Whether it be a new skill, talent, what have you... it is usually something that people would NEVER expect for that person to do (based on their current personality) 'Made' has made nerdy kids into cool kids. Nonathletic people will learn how to box. Someone who has no co-ordination and is shy with no confidence can be a wake-boarder... dorky girl into prom queen. A huuuge transformation within just 6 short weeks!
The episode that I watched tonight, was about a ginger girl named Hallie. She was right preppy, a straight A student. People in her school said that she's a dork and easy to make fun off. She wasn't very co-ordinated and would trip over her own feet. She was into a lot of extra-curricular activities and was even a 'model U.N' student. No one would ever predict that she was going to be 'made' into.................................. A HIP-HOP DANCER!!!
This girl had ZERO rhythm! No co-ordination! Couldn't dance AT ALL! She had no confidence and people laughed at her all the time in her attempts to learn hip-hop dancing. But after she got a make-over and actually LOOKED the part... she started to BE the part! It was so awesome to see someone come out of their shell, out of their comfort zone... and even go up in front of a ton of people, and dance the routine she had been practicing!!!!!
I saw that episode and was like... "man.... I wanna be 'made" I really wish I could have someone push me to be something I'm not. I'm not outgoing, I'm not confident, I'm not a lot of things that I wish I was. It would be so much easier to embrace change when someone is there every step of the way with you TEACHING YOU how to change!!! Change is FUCKING HARD! I know because I have tried.
Back to the original point of this blog... I have always been intrigued by dancing! I always wished that I could be graceful and learn how to bust out awesome moves. But even at school dances, I would be looking around to see who was "pointing and laughing at me" (made it up in my head because I'm extremely self-conscious) It seems like anyone who IS a good dancer, always has attitude, charisma, grace, and mad skills... It just comes so naturally to them... Like art is natural to me. I guess I can't complain about the talent I've been given... but sometimes I just wish I could possess some of the traits that all dancers have.
This may seem a bit off topic, but it'll tie in, I promise. The other day I had an appointment with my psychologist... she got to asking me a lot of questions to figure out why I've had a lot of hard-core mood swings or generally just being really stressed out or down. It's a lot of shitty feelings that haven't gone away in a while now. I have good days, and bad, like everyone else... but I felt it was time to talk to someone. At the end of our 2hr session, she had concluded that I have social anxiety and depression. The sessions to come will figure out the severity of it. I never thought that -I- would have social anxiety... but coming to think about a lot of different situations, and my feelings or reactions towards them (being hella awkward, nervous, jittery, over-compensating, filling the silence, feeling nauseous, avoiding social situations altogether)... it started to make sense to me.
My entire life I have wanted to be this crazy, silly, outgoing, fun loving, care free person!! I think I have some people fooled, when really... I'm constantly thinking people are judging me, scared of what people think, think people are talking trash or laughing at me, nervous AS FUCK, or acting like the centre of attention to cover up the terrified little girl inside. OR! I can be completely opposite of that in front of new people! I can be SO SHY, I don't talk, I'll sit in the back of a room to not be noticed, don't look people in the face, and am noticeably uncomfortable. There are some people (very few) which I can be myself around. There is a funny side to me! I think I can be entertaining at times in front of people I'm used to...
I don't know why... but I have always had a guard up! I haven't been able to tear that wall down and just be care free! For once in my life, I would like to genuinely feel free of judgment! And it isn't even that people ARE judging me, but in my head, they are! So I'm hoping with the sessions to come, that I am taught how to change my behavior, my self-dialog, my attitude and confidence level. I have the potential to be one of the most vivacious people around! I KNOW I would be a lot more daring and experimental if I just let go of my insecurities.
Who knows, maybe one day I'll be in good enough shape to take a hip-hop class or two!
enni:
I watched that programme before 
I thiink you should be MADE into a princess 
I thiink you should be MADE into a princess