missmay

All right. Let's try this again.
I have to come clean. I say things sometimes just to defend the wall I've put up.
What typical girl didn't plan plan her storybook wedding when she was old enough to know what a wedding was? The Little Mermaid, I believe, is the first memory I have of a wedding. It was a fairy tale. On my recent trip I discovered a lot about life and what it truly has in store. It will never be the way I planned it to be. I was in tears, being embraced by my love, when I blurted the words "this isn't how it's supposed to be. this isn't what i dreamed." I was more referring to the fact that love is a bittersweet punishment of which I am more than happy to endure..
I was asked today- no, not asked- more informed, that I was soon to be married and changing my last name. This all came about after the discussion of my new name tag and how I hate my legal last name. For so long now I have gone by my childhood nickname and have recently thought of legally changing my last name. The discussion of the name change was quickly overshadowed by the discussion of marriage and exactly where I stand on the whole idea of union. I think I may have offended some and gained the respect of others with my opinions. I love him. I will love him unconditionally until forever is over. I've always said I don't want marriage, I don't believe in it. Sad, but it's true. They don't last. I cried over this fact quite a few times today, among other things - been feeling very emotional since coming home- in the locker room at the gym. I don't know where to draw the line between lying to myself and defending an argument I believe in.