THERE IS NO BABY YET.
But, I couldn't stand tonight and had to write a vent blog.
I think it's time to get rid of my brother. Not knock him off or even cut him off for good. I just think it's time for me to remove him from my life for now. This is the most special time in my life to this date and I don't need his negativity and bad energy to be around me.
Yesterday morning he fell off of a second story balcony while working on a house he's been building. Well, all fine and dandy right? He's working for a company who is paying him under the table though. He's doing it illeagally and, yeah, he's making more money being paid cash, BUT... look where it got him. He turned down an apprenticship with the company he's working under the table for because it was about $5 less an hour. But, if he would have taken that in April, this coming April he could have been making twice as much as he is now and when he fell, he would have been covered. He had to have his right foot completely re-constructed and will be off 'work' for two months. No pay, no insurance, no coverage of any kind. He gets 2 more unemployment checks, of which he owes back $1000. He then tells me he's had a "coke problem" for the past few months. That he's been doing $70 worth a night. Well, I would be scared and offended and the same blah blah blah any person tells you when they've admitted about doing drugs, except for the fact I don't believe him. Yeah, he may be around it, he may be getting high a few times a week, BUT, I don't believe for a moment he's A) addicited or B) been spending $500 a week on it. Look, you have to understand who my brother is. He gets this from our dad, but dad wasn't nearly this bad. My brother could win $50. He could tell six people about this. The first person he tells its $50, the next is $75, the next is $200, the next is $500 and by the sixth person he's told, forget the $50, he won $1000 and a car. Get my drift? He lies and he only does it to make himself appear better off. Tonight all started because I called him out on a bullshit lie. An absolute bullshit lie. My mom told me when I got over there that he was in a foul mood and to be careful. I told her I was too and I'm not about to hold my tongue and I will cut him with any b.s. he has to say.
This girl, Ashley, who he dated a while ago and is now trying start another relationship with, apparently had a misscarriage yesterday and had a D&C today. She was apparently 1 week pregnant and has had two other misscarriages. Well, lets see.. Where do I begin? At the begining of the story she misscarried his child yesterday. By the time he was screaming at me about it, it was some other guys'. Well. . anyone see what's wrong with the fact she was 1 week preg, had a miscarriage and a D&C immediately following? If she was 1 week pregnant she wouldn't have known she was pregnant. If she miscarried at 1 week she wouldn't have known she miscarried. She would have just had a painful period. I read a statistic in one of my pregnancy books, half of pregnancies don't make it past 12 weeks (which is why you should always wait until the second trimester to tell people... and you typically don't know you're preg until around 8-10 weeks anyway.) The pregnancies miscarry and the woman never knows. She just starts her period, it may be a bit more painful and heavier than usual, but nothing else. And if she had a D&C today, she wouldn't have been in any condition to go to work and then to school, or to be on the phone with him while the Dr. did it..
Yes. I called him out on that. That was an absolute lie! 100% of it was a lie. If she did have a D&C today, then when she 'miscarried' she wasn't a week along. But she didn't even have one..
He then proceeded to say ever since I got my promotion I've been on this huge ego trip and I think I'm the shit. He's jealous because I have my own apartment a piece of shit car and a job that garauntees my pay. I took a slight pay cut, but have since gotten a raise, and added 25 more hours a week. I lost my social life because of my job. It ended up costing me everything. I lost my relationship with Dustin because of my job. Do I regret taking the job? No. Chances are Aeson wouldn't be in my belly today if I didn't. I have never, ever ever been handed anything in my entire life. He believes I have because I've worked my ass off to get where I am today. I live paycheck to paycheck because of the mistakes I made in the past with my credit. My unborn son has more in savings than I do. After all of my bills are paid I have on average $200 every two weeks to live on. I live on the free food I get at work and from WIC. I drive my piece of shit car everyday because I get 32 miles to the gallon and only use about $20 every week and a half to get back and forth to work. I don't go out, I don't do things. I have no life. That's the price I pay so I can have a roof over my head and a solid job to wake up and go to everyday.
He breaks my heart. He had me in tears. I was shaking because of how furious he made me. He decided to throw low blows in there and, of course, make up and bunch of lies to hurt me. He said, just like Dustin does to hurt me deep, that I'm not fit to take care of Aeson. . He thinks we don't care about him. He thinks we want to see him fail. He thinks everything he does just "isn't enough to please us." Well, its a step in the right direction, but no, it's not. If he makes $1000 a week, does $500 in blow a week, pays $250 in rent a month and has ZERO OTHER BILLS, where the hell is the rest of his money? Why doesn't he have a car or his license or take care of his son or pay his bills or take $150 a month and buy health insurance for himself. AND HE STILL GETS $400 UNEMPLOYMENT EVERY WEEK.....
I give up. He said we don't love him. To that I responded, yes we do. He asked, what is it, tough love? Yes dammit it is.
I remember the time 3, almost 4 years ago when I was in with the wrong perople. I was dropping x, I was getting wasted and breaking the law. I didn't care about anything or anyone, especially myself. I ended up being raped and getting thrown out on my ass out of the house I was living in. I totaled my car and was in and out of court literally everyday for two weeks. He and I got in a huge fight that day. He cut me down and now, looking back, I'm glad he did. I was mad at him for a few weeks, months, hell maybe even a year or two. But now, I'm so glad to be away from that lifestyle and those people.
I'm not any better of a person than he is. Or anyone else for that mattter. I just think we're in different stages in our lives and we're headed down different paths. I see my path as having a long long long road ahead of it.. And his, I see doors, lots of them. There may be more path behind each door, but he has to open the door to get there first. .
I give up on him, and that breaks my heart.
OOOkay, and now I'm on haitus until baby comes.. Again. (Which, without a shadow ofa doubt, he'll be here by this time next week! NO MATTER WHAT!! I'M GONNA BE A MOMMY IN 6 DAYS OR LESS!!)
But, I couldn't stand tonight and had to write a vent blog.
I think it's time to get rid of my brother. Not knock him off or even cut him off for good. I just think it's time for me to remove him from my life for now. This is the most special time in my life to this date and I don't need his negativity and bad energy to be around me.
Yesterday morning he fell off of a second story balcony while working on a house he's been building. Well, all fine and dandy right? He's working for a company who is paying him under the table though. He's doing it illeagally and, yeah, he's making more money being paid cash, BUT... look where it got him. He turned down an apprenticship with the company he's working under the table for because it was about $5 less an hour. But, if he would have taken that in April, this coming April he could have been making twice as much as he is now and when he fell, he would have been covered. He had to have his right foot completely re-constructed and will be off 'work' for two months. No pay, no insurance, no coverage of any kind. He gets 2 more unemployment checks, of which he owes back $1000. He then tells me he's had a "coke problem" for the past few months. That he's been doing $70 worth a night. Well, I would be scared and offended and the same blah blah blah any person tells you when they've admitted about doing drugs, except for the fact I don't believe him. Yeah, he may be around it, he may be getting high a few times a week, BUT, I don't believe for a moment he's A) addicited or B) been spending $500 a week on it. Look, you have to understand who my brother is. He gets this from our dad, but dad wasn't nearly this bad. My brother could win $50. He could tell six people about this. The first person he tells its $50, the next is $75, the next is $200, the next is $500 and by the sixth person he's told, forget the $50, he won $1000 and a car. Get my drift? He lies and he only does it to make himself appear better off. Tonight all started because I called him out on a bullshit lie. An absolute bullshit lie. My mom told me when I got over there that he was in a foul mood and to be careful. I told her I was too and I'm not about to hold my tongue and I will cut him with any b.s. he has to say.
This girl, Ashley, who he dated a while ago and is now trying start another relationship with, apparently had a misscarriage yesterday and had a D&C today. She was apparently 1 week pregnant and has had two other misscarriages. Well, lets see.. Where do I begin? At the begining of the story she misscarried his child yesterday. By the time he was screaming at me about it, it was some other guys'. Well. . anyone see what's wrong with the fact she was 1 week preg, had a miscarriage and a D&C immediately following? If she was 1 week pregnant she wouldn't have known she was pregnant. If she miscarried at 1 week she wouldn't have known she miscarried. She would have just had a painful period. I read a statistic in one of my pregnancy books, half of pregnancies don't make it past 12 weeks (which is why you should always wait until the second trimester to tell people... and you typically don't know you're preg until around 8-10 weeks anyway.) The pregnancies miscarry and the woman never knows. She just starts her period, it may be a bit more painful and heavier than usual, but nothing else. And if she had a D&C today, she wouldn't have been in any condition to go to work and then to school, or to be on the phone with him while the Dr. did it..
Yes. I called him out on that. That was an absolute lie! 100% of it was a lie. If she did have a D&C today, then when she 'miscarried' she wasn't a week along. But she didn't even have one..
He then proceeded to say ever since I got my promotion I've been on this huge ego trip and I think I'm the shit. He's jealous because I have my own apartment a piece of shit car and a job that garauntees my pay. I took a slight pay cut, but have since gotten a raise, and added 25 more hours a week. I lost my social life because of my job. It ended up costing me everything. I lost my relationship with Dustin because of my job. Do I regret taking the job? No. Chances are Aeson wouldn't be in my belly today if I didn't. I have never, ever ever been handed anything in my entire life. He believes I have because I've worked my ass off to get where I am today. I live paycheck to paycheck because of the mistakes I made in the past with my credit. My unborn son has more in savings than I do. After all of my bills are paid I have on average $200 every two weeks to live on. I live on the free food I get at work and from WIC. I drive my piece of shit car everyday because I get 32 miles to the gallon and only use about $20 every week and a half to get back and forth to work. I don't go out, I don't do things. I have no life. That's the price I pay so I can have a roof over my head and a solid job to wake up and go to everyday.
He breaks my heart. He had me in tears. I was shaking because of how furious he made me. He decided to throw low blows in there and, of course, make up and bunch of lies to hurt me. He said, just like Dustin does to hurt me deep, that I'm not fit to take care of Aeson. . He thinks we don't care about him. He thinks we want to see him fail. He thinks everything he does just "isn't enough to please us." Well, its a step in the right direction, but no, it's not. If he makes $1000 a week, does $500 in blow a week, pays $250 in rent a month and has ZERO OTHER BILLS, where the hell is the rest of his money? Why doesn't he have a car or his license or take care of his son or pay his bills or take $150 a month and buy health insurance for himself. AND HE STILL GETS $400 UNEMPLOYMENT EVERY WEEK.....
I give up. He said we don't love him. To that I responded, yes we do. He asked, what is it, tough love? Yes dammit it is.
I remember the time 3, almost 4 years ago when I was in with the wrong perople. I was dropping x, I was getting wasted and breaking the law. I didn't care about anything or anyone, especially myself. I ended up being raped and getting thrown out on my ass out of the house I was living in. I totaled my car and was in and out of court literally everyday for two weeks. He and I got in a huge fight that day. He cut me down and now, looking back, I'm glad he did. I was mad at him for a few weeks, months, hell maybe even a year or two. But now, I'm so glad to be away from that lifestyle and those people.
I'm not any better of a person than he is. Or anyone else for that mattter. I just think we're in different stages in our lives and we're headed down different paths. I see my path as having a long long long road ahead of it.. And his, I see doors, lots of them. There may be more path behind each door, but he has to open the door to get there first. .
I give up on him, and that breaks my heart.
OOOkay, and now I'm on haitus until baby comes.. Again. (Which, without a shadow ofa doubt, he'll be here by this time next week! NO MATTER WHAT!! I'M GONNA BE A MOMMY IN 6 DAYS OR LESS!!)
nurgle:
I'm sorry to read that about your brother, but sometimes you have to just get rid of people. IT hurts sometimes, but you just have to. You can't have that in your life, especially with a baby on the way. I used to roll with bad people, and getting out of that cost me everything; my friends, my job, my house. I had to leave town because of them. But it's like a cancer. You have to cut it out. You'll be better for it.