I don't think I can do this. I'm so excited and I'm so ready for him to come, but I'm freaking! I'm about to have a baby. This time tomorrow, I could have a son, in my arms, living and breathing on his own.
I want him. Not my son, not even the boy I like. I want Dustin. I'm weak for this emotion. But I want him. I want to be happy with him again. It'll never happen. I miss him and us. I feel like a complete jackass for sitting here crying about this, but, I can't help it. I've wanted him this whole time. I want him to be here to see my belly, to feel him moving, to hear his heartbeat, to hold my hand and let me cry. I want him to be the first one I tell my water has broken. I want him to take me to the hospital and kiss my forehead while I'm in agony giving birth to our son. I want him to be in our first family picture, I want him there to cut his cord, to sign his birth certificate, to give Aeson his last name. I want Aeson to know his daddy. I want to look at our son and be able to say without resentment or heartache that he looks like his daddy, or he does this like his daddy. I don't want to be upset.
I haven't cried like this in weeks, months even. I feel like a fool. I really wish these emotions would go away. The highs and lows aren't there like they used to be. Most of the time I'm happy. I just want my son in my arms. I want to see his beautiful face and his soft skin, and hear his cry and feel his warmth and I'll know, everything will be okay. I can say, without a doubt, I have something to live for now.
I want him. Not my son, not even the boy I like. I want Dustin. I'm weak for this emotion. But I want him. I want to be happy with him again. It'll never happen. I miss him and us. I feel like a complete jackass for sitting here crying about this, but, I can't help it. I've wanted him this whole time. I want him to be here to see my belly, to feel him moving, to hear his heartbeat, to hold my hand and let me cry. I want him to be the first one I tell my water has broken. I want him to take me to the hospital and kiss my forehead while I'm in agony giving birth to our son. I want him to be in our first family picture, I want him there to cut his cord, to sign his birth certificate, to give Aeson his last name. I want Aeson to know his daddy. I want to look at our son and be able to say without resentment or heartache that he looks like his daddy, or he does this like his daddy. I don't want to be upset.
I haven't cried like this in weeks, months even. I feel like a fool. I really wish these emotions would go away. The highs and lows aren't there like they used to be. Most of the time I'm happy. I just want my son in my arms. I want to see his beautiful face and his soft skin, and hear his cry and feel his warmth and I'll know, everything will be okay. I can say, without a doubt, I have something to live for now.
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zombiekittybot:
I heart your profile pic! You look so great!!
Gorgeous idea! Wish I had some cute preg pics of myself!
Gorgeous idea! Wish I had some cute preg pics of myself!
lamesauce_nox:
It's going to change how you feel once he's here. You'll still miss Dustin, but you're right about him becoming your reason for living. It will also be a new form of heartache to see how much he looks like dustin and not having dustin there through all the little moments, but you're also going to feel overwhelmed with the love you'll have for Aeson. Good luck hun, and we're here if you need to talk or vent or cry.