Who the fuck am I? I mean really, who am I?! I do a lot of driving at night, like in the dead of the night. There is no one on the highway at 4am on a Wednesday night. Let's me clear my head from work and fill it with other nonsense. I used to look at myself and say "Who is this girl?" I look at myself now and say "Who is this woman?" I still let that ass hole get to me. He has no right, but dammit, you don't just stop love! I'm not in love with him, but I still care about the guy, and for some sick reason his opinion still matters to me. I still wear my claddagh everyday, but I've moved it to my right hand again. It's a promise to him I'll take care of our son, since he won't. He really got under my skin with that last bit he pulled. The whole bit about how I can't provide for my son and how he'd be able to give him "a real life." And that once the baby is born I'll pretty much give him up so I can go party. I was never, and have never been a party girl. Yeah, I did like to go out, especially when I saw my peers doing it. I never gave up responsibilites to go party. I had my fix. I didn't have to go out every night. I just liked to, and liked to even more so when he started to tell me I couldn't. That was selfish and immature of me. It happens. But really? He really thinks I'll go out every night with a newborn? I'm in this 100% alone. I have no one here I can just "pawn my kid off on." I have a job I can't quit and a life who is 100% dependant on ME and ME ALONE. Never did I ever show him a lack of care or concern for a human life. I can't believe he thinks that.
I don't have to prove myself to him anymore, thats where it all went wrong in the first place. It's not him who I needed to live for. There is someone much more important to me who already has a preconceived knowledge that I can care for him. He will love me unconditionally until the day he dies, just as I will him. He truly is the only man I need in my life (not necessarily the only one I want, but nevertheless the only one I need) and his name is Aeson Parker.
I don't have to prove myself to him anymore, thats where it all went wrong in the first place. It's not him who I needed to live for. There is someone much more important to me who already has a preconceived knowledge that I can care for him. He will love me unconditionally until the day he dies, just as I will him. He truly is the only man I need in my life (not necessarily the only one I want, but nevertheless the only one I need) and his name is Aeson Parker.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
epiphine:
your beautiful MissMay, no one can take that from you. And it sounds like your heart is exactly where it needs to be. and thats what really counts, people can talk and talk all day, say all the bullshit that comes spouting out of their mouth, but no one can change who you truely are, only you can do that. chin up! dont let the sour people in life bring you down 
littlejohn22:
shine on you crazy diamond... try not to think of your life as a planned event but as a journey that will take you to places you never thought you could go within yourself.....