missmay

Such a range of emotions, but I'm on such a high, I can't let anything get me down. Where to begin? WIth the good or the bad? How about a mixture.. The hot water got fixed while I was at work. YAY, finally a hot shower. I'm not peeing soo much blood anymore, and it doesn't hurt that bad anymore either. But, Aeson is sitting on my bladder and I literally am at the point of peeing my pants or dropping what I'm doing to run to the potty. My mom came in the other night. I was having some issues with a certain someone being very self centered. She really got me thinking, and that got me down, but not very upset, just disappointed. She said I haven't had a happy pregnancy. And truth be told, I haven't. Pregnancy, in my eyes, was supposed to be the most enjoyable and miraculous time of my life. It wasn't planned, which is fine, but it just hasn't been happy. Between the two of them, I want to shoot someone. One of them is way over bearing, he's there too much and wants to be too involved. The other could give a shit less. The one who actually needs to be there because this is his child, he just doesn't care. I'm to the point where I don't want either involved. I mean, neither of them will be at the hospital when he's born. Neither of them will hold him until he's at least a few weeks old. Why bother with them being around now? I was thinking a relationship with a man was going to be the answer to my problems. No, I was wrong. Men are not worth the heartache and hassle. The one who is right for me is still out there waiting somewhere to be discovered. I used to think that even with what happened between Dustin and I, we'd be together again. I don't think I could put myself through that kind of pain again. I made a bad choice, a really bad choice, and the outcome just isn't right. Understandably, however, but if it was love on his end like he always said it was, he would still be there. He is too jaded of a man, and that's not all my fault. From day one he always compared me to his ex's. He'll never get over that. I still love him and fear I will until I die. In some sort of a sick fantasy I picture us together years from now, me thanking him, our relationship the best any could ask for because our love made it through that. I just know now his love wasn't that strong. THAT, was not my fault. Someone has a greater love for me out there. I wish he would stop talking to me sometimes. We hadn't spoken to eachother since Tuesday and he sent me a message out of the blue today saying, "My boss went out on a date with a girl and said to me ' I've never met a girl who drinks straight Jack and eats extremely hot wings.' I told him I know a girl who does that." Really Dustin? You have these emotions, these ups and downs, this undecided about what is right and wrong, and what it is, is a battle between your head and your heart. Your heart will never misguide you. It will test you and hurt you but will never missguide you. Your head can't see everything the heart does; it's blind to truth. When you accept what is in your heart, you'll feel better. To end on a high note, I am famous. . . ;-) I was on t.v. tonight, you may be able to see it on youtube, or WHIO newscenter7. I answered phones for a telethon at the Children's Medical Center for the Children's Miracle Network. What an amazing event. I want to volunteer every year. We raised $149,034! And that was just by the end of tonight!! The CMC is where my nephew was for 4 months, in the NICU. If Aeson ever gets sick or hurt, until he's 18 (and I'm still living in the area) I'll be taking him there. I was there when I was in my car accident, when I had mono and pneumonia. Bdubs donated a $30k check alone! Such amazing work the volunteers and the people who work there do. It was such a rewarding experience.

OOOh yes, new belly pictures in my phonecam album!