missmay

its not fair and i know that. but i am allowed to bitch about it, right? he's not losing anything. i made a mistake. he made a decision to walk out of here. im ready for him to be gone. some of the things he said to people when it happened. he showed his true colors. immediately turning to the psycho who thinks she is the mother of his child. and he immediately turned to his not-cousin and asked her to come stay with him and lay with him and hold him. who did i have? my mom and rich. what is he losing? nothing. he's getting a raise, he's getting a free ride out of here and i want him to leave already. im officially homeless. im officially without a car. its time to feel sorry for myself. no one else does. they all think im this monster. if they knew the hell i had been trapped in for a year. the hell i was trying to break out of, screaming, crying, just trying to get out.n who are they to blame me for the way i feel about his son? i cant have kids and im just jealous. its my own envy and i cant get over it. how can i? i realized the only thing i want out of life is what he doesnt any longer. hes already been there and done that. and i dont want to be second best. i dont want to be the second. i want to be the one and only, and i cant. i never will be. it makes me sick to see any pictures. i dont know why he holds on to those things. those werent happy days, but its none of my business. i'll never get over this with him here. im ready for him to go away. just go. you made your choice, just leave me already. leave me alone, like you wish, and go and do all the things i wanted to do with you, go do them alone. i'll never forget, as long as i live, the day you couldnt answer that question. what do you love about me? when the answer was nothing, you made it clear. im sorry im not her, or have her background. i dont support what she does as a human or a mother. im sorry if thats not what youre looking for. im not her. im better than her, im better than that, and im better than this. you left me, now go. go before i hurt anymore. i dont think i can hurt anymore, but to see 25 days from now makes me want to go die. just remember, you left me. and who i am in 7 months is who i am. if you still want me that is.