another day spent. another day spent masking myself in smiles and laughs and good spirits. how much longer can i do this? every day to start new, i only think of how quickly it will end. all day i've had the taste of jack in my mouth, and not because i was hungover, because i feel its all that will make it end.1 shot to taste, 2 to feel it down my throat. 3 to release that feeling from behind my eyes, 4 to dull the senses. 5 to smile, 6 to cry, 7 to feel okay, 8 to feel numb, 9 to forget. and 10, well i dont think i have 10 shots left.
two more days, then its out to indy to hopefully get tattooed. and yes, i am getting "they all fall in love" on my left side above my orchid with no black. written just as 'come get some'. i need to get tattooed to know i still can feel pain. feel physical pain anyway. i know i feel emotional pain. i feel it every second of every waking moment of my life. when do i get to stop? when is it my turn in the sun? when do i get to smile and laugh without it being forced or fake? when am i going to get to stop lying to make you feel better? (no, not you dustin)
here goes shot 2.
i cant write anymore. i feel like screaming, not typing.
someone talk to me.
two more days, then its out to indy to hopefully get tattooed. and yes, i am getting "they all fall in love" on my left side above my orchid with no black. written just as 'come get some'. i need to get tattooed to know i still can feel pain. feel physical pain anyway. i know i feel emotional pain. i feel it every second of every waking moment of my life. when do i get to stop? when is it my turn in the sun? when do i get to smile and laugh without it being forced or fake? when am i going to get to stop lying to make you feel better? (no, not you dustin)
here goes shot 2.
i cant write anymore. i feel like screaming, not typing.
someone talk to me.