everytime i try to close my eyes and sleep my mind races. i try to focus on the sound of the rain hitting the window. makes me think of the tin roof outside my window. i'd open my window just to hear it. then i'd curl up and cry myself to sleep thinkin of my dad. and thinkin of going to see fosse and the dress and shoes and diamonds he bought me. he bought it so i could wear it with that asshole. that asshole who left marks on my cheek and bruises on my arms. fat lips and black eyes. but i still stayed with him, like an idiot. i moved home, bad idea? good idea? i didnt do the drugs when i was with him, but i guess we all have our moments. so now i dont curl up in bed with my comforter but my blood stained blankets from when i tried to end it all. from when i found out who my real friends were. from when i should have stopped doing drugs, but didnt give a shit less. and got into heavier drugs. the nights, endless nights staying out for days, fucked up. thinking this is the best, until we ran out. hundreds of dollars for what?! for what?! nothing. more moving, more drugs. until, finally. 'it' happened. 'it' happened and 'it' changed my life forever. no more hard drugs, no more raves, casual sex, binges of drinking and cocaine lullabys. no more. home again, where im safe. and rebuilding friendships, finding new enemies, and finding real love.
Good luck with staying clean. It's been little more than two months for me. Doing pretty good. Trying to focus on more important things, like getting a job I like.
Love is out there. I never thought it was or even cared till I met my most recent ex. As brokenhearted and hurt as I am, I still want it. Kinda just waiting for it to find me. In the meantime, I'll focus on that job thing, I guess.
Fairborn! Shit. Yea, that's where she is originally from. It's been like 9 years since we split up. I think I'll go throw up now and try to kill those memories dead.