missmay

shot 4.. and a smoke

shot 3

another day spent. another day spent masking myself in smiles and laughs and good spirits. how much longer can i do this? every day to start new, i only think of how quickly it will end. all day i've had the taste of jack in my mouth, and not because i was hungover, because i feel its all that will make it end.1 shot to...
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an emotionless day. no. i have some emotion. its that little bit of false hope held deep in the pits of my dreams. i dreamt of him all night. we were married, children, sex, love. he sang to me, he ran away with me. he stood up for me and he meant it. it was a dream. i can tell im still living in it,...
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Last night was the first time I drank to kill the pain. I still feel it. (at least I'm not hungover)


I don't know how much longer I can hold out.

why cant i just feel normal. every day seems to be a range of highs and lows. motivation, affection, resentment, hate, lust. sometimes i have to go away to tell myself this is real. this is real. i have to pinch myself just to know. im so unhappy, period. this is not what i wanted for myself. but it is what i have and must...
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new set goes up jan 6th at some god awful time in the a.m. i'll be up to see it tho. and so should you.
its.. delicious.

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope...
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mmm mm mmmmm!! my newest set is up on 01/08/10! i cant wait. i think it's gonna be a good one. although, i have lost about 22 lbs since then, so thats not really what i look like. ah well.. its still beautiful!

had some awesomely fucked up dreams. wow. my spinal cord was ripped out and my dad was beating me and then i...
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where? where do i begin? where has it gone? where is it? 'where'? is the question i pose. it seems a struggle to put a smile on to say hello. dreading receiving phone calls or wincing when making them. its not right. where did we go to make it like this? that spark is gone. the fire still burns deep, deep within my soul; lava...
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ooooooohhh and i get my car tomorrow! i wish it was tomorrow evening.. well. like tomorrow anyway at all. im whooped and my feet hurt.

night night

getting a car on saturday. FUCKING FINALLY!!!! its either an 04' mercury sable with 46k miles, perfect condition, leather seats, 1 owner, all maintenance history every 3mo for 4 years, no wrecks, great on gas... or a an 03 tiburon with 68k miles, 2 owners, no maintenance history, v6, 6 speed, 2 door.... oooohhh i want it! but the fact of the matter is, is...
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