So this morning.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
My mother starts asking questions about the move, as though trying to figure holes in my plan. I guess not getting the weak answers she wanted she starts hounding how it's all well and good I'm saying that I want to do this to better my situation but I'm running from my responsibilities. Then the speech about how I tried being a mother and maybe I'm just not cut out for it because she views me as my children's older sister. She doesn't doubt I love them. Fuck even writing this right now is making me feel like shit all over again.
Guys, I work. I don't go out with friends except once a blue moon, new years eve night was the last time I went out with my girlfriends. Boston was my first trip out of VA in years. I work, I sleep, repeat oh and I have drill on the second sunday of every month.
Again when I moved back she had this grand plan of me going to work at night part-time and going to school. They got behind and suddenly all the rules changed, fine whatever I get that. I'm fucking beat. I work as much overtime as I can because it keeps me from seeing these people and lets me give them money.
She brings up my mistakes from HIGH SCHOOL, the fire department and how I never followed through with that... I left the Fire department after being on an EMS call pulling a man out from under a Semi tractor Trailer that hit the guy and kept going. The man was still talking because he was in that bad of shock. Don't fucking tell me I didn't follow through after 3 years I realized I couldn't handle the nightmares.
I get it, I didn't turn out the way she wanted. I don't need the constant fucking reminders.
If nothing else why wouldn't I want to show my kids, that regardless of what life hands you if you bust your ass for something worth fighting it's something to be proud of? My mother dropped out of highschool in the 9th or 10th grade and has been working ever since. There's jobs out there she can't get because she never went back for her GED, she talked about it. Dad never went to college, he talked about getting an IT degree to make it easier for him to get back into the field but no. Where's their follow through? Where's their wanting better?
On top of that, last night "the ex" called my job, I should have known it was going to make for a bad day. He figured it out that my phone had been disconnected (I changed the number weeks ago) and he was worried about me. I told him to not call me again, that the kids and I should be dead to him because he's dead to me.
God is it March yet.
Ah and sweet IM's aren't sweet when you're drunk.. just saying babe.
