I got my first tattoo today.
I'd wanted it for years. I didnt allways know exactly what I was guuna get though. I had a friend pass away a few years back and I knew I wanted to get some thing to remind me of him. His name was Jamie Mcelrea. He was a good dude. Its kinda hard to explain my realtioship with him as it was a bit weird. We use to see each other at partys and stuff often. We got talken a few times. Then we realised that his mum was going out with one of my dads good mates. One year I went to this campground hours away from my house for new years. I was chilling out at this games room thing and in Walked Jamie. We spent a bit of time together that summer holliday. We listened to old school rock and got stoned on new years. I was so fucked I couldnt find my tent at the end of the night, so he showed me round the camp site till I could find it. I felt very close with him. i told my friend Gracie I thaught he was great and tried seting them up. They ended up having a brief realtionship. I dont kno all the details but it just didnt work.
Jamie was friends with a guy named Troy Anderson. Troy was a school drop out. Troy and I use to spend alot of time together. I had often wondered about the thaught of going out with troy. He was always ther for me. We totaly understood each other about somethings but not about others. I rember troy use to drink drive a few times. I remeber one time he told me hed been drinking. I told him he shouldnt but I didnt know how to handel the situatiion so I told his brother. His brother wanted to smash him. I felt so bad for narking but what was i to do. Troy grabbed my arse that night. I was fumming. He had been such a nice guy but he was going down hill fast. I didnt talk to him much after that night. Id heard hed writen of a couple cars drink driving. I tried to put him out of my mind. I didnt wanna be a part of him. he lost his license so I never saw him anymore. I almost stoped thinking about him alltogther.
I was hanging out with the boys one day. We went for a cruise to this padocky area a while away from where we lived. We sat and chiled out there. The boys got stoned and I played in the flowers. Troy showd up. He was in a flash as subie. He told the boys he got his licence back next week. He didnt talk to me. This made me want to talk to him. I said Troy take me for a drive. His reply "Na ull shit urself".
The next day I was on the plane and headed for Rarotonga. My parents wanted to have a nice family holliday to try pull there marriage together. What a joke that was. I was upset the whole time and kept crying. I didnt know why. The week slowly passed and I was on the plane back to Auckland again. When I got in the airport I turned on my phone. I had a txt from troy that said " what u up to tonight" and I had all these txts like "where are u!" , "Where going to the hospital want to come" , " hurry up and get back". I then txt my friend and said whats up. He replied jamies dead funerals today. I thaught it was a sick joke. So they guy called me. I broke down in the airport. I didnt understand it.
I went to the funeral a few hours later. I saw some of the cool boys crying. I saw jamies mum....... she was emotionless. Less than emotionless..... she had nothing in her. It was as if everthing had been removed from her. I saw jamie........ He was dead..... He was dead..... His cold body looked at the roof. he had a massive scar running down his face. I screamd on the inside. i felt I was screaming so loud but I loked around and know one was looking at me. I wasnt actualy screaming. I stil cant explain those few moments. I wont forget.
I found out the night troy had text me hed run from the cops. Aparntly he was driving and he saw a cop car. He freaked out as he was getting his licence back in a couple days so he gapped it. He had jamie, bong and a girl in the car. They thaught theyd lost the cop car. But they saw it again this time with its lights on. So he fled. Aparntly doing over 200km in windy roads. The car rolled. Jamie flung out the fornt and hit a power pole. Troy broke a few bones but came out ok.
I visisted troy in hospital alot. I went with kellet. I didnt talk to troy. I didnt look at troy . But I was there.
I was so upset. It should have been me ( Jamie deserved to live more than I did) , It would have been me ( If I was in Auckland it would of) but it wasnt. Now that im older and wiser I realise that it wasnt me. i got lucky and I get to live. So im going to live the best that I can.
its figuring out how to live the best that I can thats the hard part. Ive now lived in two major tourist attractions. Queenstown New Zealand and Hamilton Island Australia
I have fallen in love with both these places. They are so beautifull and have so much energy surrounding both of them. I have fallen in love with life 
...
I miss my family and friends sometimes though. I can get lonely. I often worry Im missing out of important times with my family and friends. I especially missed them when my friends die. My friend Jeese James died in a car crash. I dont know the details yet as I have no one to ask as its stil a sensitive subject with my friend. I was living in Queensotwn at the time and Hannah( my college best friend) text me and informed me. I sat on my bed crying. I was hungover as fuck. I was so alone and lost I walked to my friends house and just sat on his bed laughing about the night before. i didnt bring up my friend dying. I was outting of thinking about it. Hannah came to Queenstown that day. We sat at a table and sat in sorrow. We didnt have much to talk about. But I decided I was going to fly up for the funeral. Even though I had barely enough money to eat. i couldnt miss this funeral. That night I went out and got smashed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My sister was visting me from Auckland so I was trying to be my normal bubbly self anf make them have a good time. But i got so smashed and ended up hooking up with the guy I had been sleeping with's best friend. I twas a MESSY MESSY night! The next morning I felt terrible. SO terrible that I almost felt ok. The next day I flew to Aucklanf for the funeral. I arrived in the evening and just went strdaight to my room. I had a nap and then woke up and went on the niternet. Emir was online. Emir is a guy Ive had the bigest crush on my whole life. I asked him how he was. He said he was average and I asked if he ewanted to talk. he said na but thanks anyway. We had small talk for a bit and then he said he was of to bed and I said id see him the next day. The day of the funneral Hannah picked me up from my house. We went to the alcohol shop on the way to the "flat". We got the flat and it was the first time id seen the boiys in 6months. We didnt talk much but I gave my friend berry a massive hug. he looked suprised and relieved to see me. I tried to crack little jokes here and there. I was doing ok. Then it was time to start walking to the funeral service. I walked linking arms with berry. He started talking to me. He said "Mallory I dont want to do this, Mallory we shouldnt be doing this , How can we be saying goodbye to a friend forever. Can we just turn around and not go" I bit my lip but the tears started pooring out. By the time I reached the door, I was bawling my eyes. They played the song flex by blindspott as the boys carried Jesse's body down the aisle. SO much pain!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8p0Qrf_4iE
Jesse's mum would have random fits of crying during the cermony "Its our boy..... our boy.... hes gone" She would wail it in this maori accent that was so painfull to hear. It send shivers down my spine thinking about it. Jesses longtime girlfriend made a speech about him. It was heart breaking., They really had something specail going on. i remember talking to him about her some times . I wont forget those times.
I can only hope I get someone to care so much about me at the time of my passing.
I worry that im not able to build my relationships with them and I worry they think I dont think about them. Because I do! All the time! But its very hard to send love from afar. I just want all my family and friends to know that even when I am away. i wont forget them.
I have " I wont forget " tattoed on me left foot. People have asked me today"... ah so what does I wont forget mean. What wont you forget". My reply..... "Its complicated". I did not get a tatto for artistics reasons. Although I do think tattos are a true form of art. I higly regrad tattos as one of the most beautiflul things in the world but mine so far is not for that reason. Mine is merely a reminder to myslef that as long as I keep remebering these poeple who have goten me to where I am, these people who have showed me love and these people who have made me love life, then one day they will understand my love for them goes more than skin deep. One day they will know .
I'd wanted it for years. I didnt allways know exactly what I was guuna get though. I had a friend pass away a few years back and I knew I wanted to get some thing to remind me of him. His name was Jamie Mcelrea. He was a good dude. Its kinda hard to explain my realtioship with him as it was a bit weird. We use to see each other at partys and stuff often. We got talken a few times. Then we realised that his mum was going out with one of my dads good mates. One year I went to this campground hours away from my house for new years. I was chilling out at this games room thing and in Walked Jamie. We spent a bit of time together that summer holliday. We listened to old school rock and got stoned on new years. I was so fucked I couldnt find my tent at the end of the night, so he showed me round the camp site till I could find it. I felt very close with him. i told my friend Gracie I thaught he was great and tried seting them up. They ended up having a brief realtionship. I dont kno all the details but it just didnt work.
Jamie was friends with a guy named Troy Anderson. Troy was a school drop out. Troy and I use to spend alot of time together. I had often wondered about the thaught of going out with troy. He was always ther for me. We totaly understood each other about somethings but not about others. I rember troy use to drink drive a few times. I remeber one time he told me hed been drinking. I told him he shouldnt but I didnt know how to handel the situatiion so I told his brother. His brother wanted to smash him. I felt so bad for narking but what was i to do. Troy grabbed my arse that night. I was fumming. He had been such a nice guy but he was going down hill fast. I didnt talk to him much after that night. Id heard hed writen of a couple cars drink driving. I tried to put him out of my mind. I didnt wanna be a part of him. he lost his license so I never saw him anymore. I almost stoped thinking about him alltogther.
I was hanging out with the boys one day. We went for a cruise to this padocky area a while away from where we lived. We sat and chiled out there. The boys got stoned and I played in the flowers. Troy showd up. He was in a flash as subie. He told the boys he got his licence back next week. He didnt talk to me. This made me want to talk to him. I said Troy take me for a drive. His reply "Na ull shit urself".
The next day I was on the plane and headed for Rarotonga. My parents wanted to have a nice family holliday to try pull there marriage together. What a joke that was. I was upset the whole time and kept crying. I didnt know why. The week slowly passed and I was on the plane back to Auckland again. When I got in the airport I turned on my phone. I had a txt from troy that said " what u up to tonight" and I had all these txts like "where are u!" , "Where going to the hospital want to come" , " hurry up and get back". I then txt my friend and said whats up. He replied jamies dead funerals today. I thaught it was a sick joke. So they guy called me. I broke down in the airport. I didnt understand it.
I went to the funeral a few hours later. I saw some of the cool boys crying. I saw jamies mum....... she was emotionless. Less than emotionless..... she had nothing in her. It was as if everthing had been removed from her. I saw jamie........ He was dead..... He was dead..... His cold body looked at the roof. he had a massive scar running down his face. I screamd on the inside. i felt I was screaming so loud but I loked around and know one was looking at me. I wasnt actualy screaming. I stil cant explain those few moments. I wont forget.
I found out the night troy had text me hed run from the cops. Aparntly he was driving and he saw a cop car. He freaked out as he was getting his licence back in a couple days so he gapped it. He had jamie, bong and a girl in the car. They thaught theyd lost the cop car. But they saw it again this time with its lights on. So he fled. Aparntly doing over 200km in windy roads. The car rolled. Jamie flung out the fornt and hit a power pole. Troy broke a few bones but came out ok.
I visisted troy in hospital alot. I went with kellet. I didnt talk to troy. I didnt look at troy . But I was there.
I was so upset. It should have been me ( Jamie deserved to live more than I did) , It would have been me ( If I was in Auckland it would of) but it wasnt. Now that im older and wiser I realise that it wasnt me. i got lucky and I get to live. So im going to live the best that I can.
its figuring out how to live the best that I can thats the hard part. Ive now lived in two major tourist attractions. Queenstown New Zealand and Hamilton Island Australia
I have fallen in love with both these places. They are so beautifull and have so much energy surrounding both of them. I have fallen in love with life ... I miss my family and friends sometimes though. I can get lonely. I often worry Im missing out of important times with my family and friends. I especially missed them when my friends die. My friend Jeese James died in a car crash. I dont know the details yet as I have no one to ask as its stil a sensitive subject with my friend. I was living in Queensotwn at the time and Hannah( my college best friend) text me and informed me. I sat on my bed crying. I was hungover as fuck. I was so alone and lost I walked to my friends house and just sat on his bed laughing about the night before. i didnt bring up my friend dying. I was outting of thinking about it. Hannah came to Queenstown that day. We sat at a table and sat in sorrow. We didnt have much to talk about. But I decided I was going to fly up for the funeral. Even though I had barely enough money to eat. i couldnt miss this funeral. That night I went out and got smashed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My sister was visting me from Auckland so I was trying to be my normal bubbly self anf make them have a good time. But i got so smashed and ended up hooking up with the guy I had been sleeping with's best friend. I twas a MESSY MESSY night! The next morning I felt terrible. SO terrible that I almost felt ok. The next day I flew to Aucklanf for the funeral. I arrived in the evening and just went strdaight to my room. I had a nap and then woke up and went on the niternet. Emir was online. Emir is a guy Ive had the bigest crush on my whole life. I asked him how he was. He said he was average and I asked if he ewanted to talk. he said na but thanks anyway. We had small talk for a bit and then he said he was of to bed and I said id see him the next day. The day of the funneral Hannah picked me up from my house. We went to the alcohol shop on the way to the "flat". We got the flat and it was the first time id seen the boiys in 6months. We didnt talk much but I gave my friend berry a massive hug. he looked suprised and relieved to see me. I tried to crack little jokes here and there. I was doing ok. Then it was time to start walking to the funeral service. I walked linking arms with berry. He started talking to me. He said "Mallory I dont want to do this, Mallory we shouldnt be doing this , How can we be saying goodbye to a friend forever. Can we just turn around and not go" I bit my lip but the tears started pooring out. By the time I reached the door, I was bawling my eyes. They played the song flex by blindspott as the boys carried Jesse's body down the aisle. SO much pain!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8p0Qrf_4iE
Jesse's mum would have random fits of crying during the cermony "Its our boy..... our boy.... hes gone" She would wail it in this maori accent that was so painfull to hear. It send shivers down my spine thinking about it. Jesses longtime girlfriend made a speech about him. It was heart breaking., They really had something specail going on. i remember talking to him about her some times . I wont forget those times.
I can only hope I get someone to care so much about me at the time of my passing.
I worry that im not able to build my relationships with them and I worry they think I dont think about them. Because I do! All the time! But its very hard to send love from afar. I just want all my family and friends to know that even when I am away. i wont forget them.
I have " I wont forget " tattoed on me left foot. People have asked me today"... ah so what does I wont forget mean. What wont you forget". My reply..... "Its complicated". I did not get a tatto for artistics reasons. Although I do think tattos are a true form of art. I higly regrad tattos as one of the most beautiflul things in the world but mine so far is not for that reason. Mine is merely a reminder to myslef that as long as I keep remebering these poeple who have goten me to where I am, these people who have showed me love and these people who have made me love life, then one day they will understand my love for them goes more than skin deep. One day they will know .