I'm surprised I didn't notice this blog homework before! (@missy & @rambo)
One of the longest and hardest habits I've ever had to break has been smoking cigarettes. I can't think of too many members in my family who don't smoke, or have successfully quit. Growing up I always remembered my mom smoking around me in the house, and for a while I would try to make her quit. I used to break her cigarettes, throw them away, hide them, but it never seemed to work. When I grew up a bit and became old enough that peer pressure started, the crowd I hung out with started smoking so of COURSE I did, too. Then it became stealing and hiding my mom's cigs for my own use instead of to help her.
I smoked on and off for many years, always quitting or starting with the friends I would surround myself with. I switched between a few brands, never really had a taste. That was when e-cigs and vape pens started becoming popular. I encourage anyone who's trying to quit smoking to pick up a pen or a tank. The most addictive thing about smoking, besides the nicotine, is the repetition of picking something up and setting it down constantly. Having that object to use when anxious, upset, nervous, or even bored at times. Trying to replace smoking with the pens was easy because I still picked it up and set it down. Every day I tried to wean myself off of cigs a little more, even if it only meant one less (sings gardasil theme song lol).
But in all seriousness, I didn't truly commit to quitting until I felt the effects it had on my body. My last break up, and I apologize if I talk about it a lot, was one of the roughest I had ever been through. The day he walked out the door and left me alone in a state I had no one in, I picked up smoking again to fill that void. I knew it was a bad idea and I knew I was going to regret what it did to my body and lungs. I picked one up with my mom and started smoking anyway.
That's the funny thing about going through a terrible breakup; though hard in the moment, you always seem to learn a little more about yourself along the way. People aren't meant to be regrets, they're meant to be lessons. If someone isn't meant to be, just learn something from each step of the way. When he walked out the door, he taught me more than he ever could if he would have stayed. He taught me how to appreciate the beauty in the pain, and how to get through even if it just means getting by, for the moment that is. That growing will always have a few pains along the way, but that we can SURVIVE!
When I finally found myself again, I could feel how shitty smoking made me feel, and I knew it was time to quit. I gave myself a new positive outlook on life and found the beauty in all the pain I felt. Moving to a new state, beginning my modeling career, seeking spirituality and good health; that all came from the man who, I thought, was going to crush my soul. And from the ashes (sometimes I'm too punny), I rose again.
xoxo
Amanda Faye // @AmandaFayeEST
Photographer // @JohnSchultzBPV
Rad Shades // @Elitist_Eyewear
