it's a pretty typical entry for the sg but fuck it,
I don't care. This is how I really feel, why should I hide
it just to be different?.. I've been really depressed
lately. It seems like i can't get out of it. I try and
feel a little better for an hour or so, but then it's all
back to "normal". I want to be happy and feel at peace
with myself and others but can't
achieve that state of mind, no mater how hard I try.
what the fuck is wrong with me? I think I have friends,
and a girlfriend.. shouldn't I be content? why is that
then I feel alone half of the time, isolated and
unworthy the other half?.. too many questions, i know...
whenever I have free time, I run out of my house...
there's a shit load of things to do, but I run...
It doesn't matter where I go, as long as I have people around
me, hear someone talking, see faces. I think i'm chronically
afraid to be alone. but I am, and that just makes me crazy...
sometimes i'm so helpless, I start crying. Literally. fucking
crying and can't do anything about it. I call someone,
and they don't return my call... Simple thing, you might say.
no bid deal, busy, whatever... move on... well, I can't..
I sit there and think that they don't like me anymore.
I did something to piss them off or shit like that...
start coming up with scenarios... I can't even go see a
movie anymore, because I just can't concentrate and
don't enjoy it... I don't even want to talk about work...
last time I had a decent idea for a painting was like 3 weeks
ago... when I stay over with my girl, at night, I wake up
because she's not hugging me while she's sleeping...
next morning I feel all weird because of it...
stupid, right.. I realize it, yet can't help to continue
doing it. I don't show it to anyone, it's all buried
inside, sometimes it comes out... I start acting weird,
saying nonsense... is seeing a psychiatrist my only choice?
I don't care. This is how I really feel, why should I hide
it just to be different?.. I've been really depressed
lately. It seems like i can't get out of it. I try and
feel a little better for an hour or so, but then it's all
back to "normal". I want to be happy and feel at peace
with myself and others but can't
achieve that state of mind, no mater how hard I try.
what the fuck is wrong with me? I think I have friends,
and a girlfriend.. shouldn't I be content? why is that
then I feel alone half of the time, isolated and
unworthy the other half?.. too many questions, i know...
whenever I have free time, I run out of my house...
there's a shit load of things to do, but I run...
It doesn't matter where I go, as long as I have people around
me, hear someone talking, see faces. I think i'm chronically
afraid to be alone. but I am, and that just makes me crazy...
sometimes i'm so helpless, I start crying. Literally. fucking
crying and can't do anything about it. I call someone,
and they don't return my call... Simple thing, you might say.
no bid deal, busy, whatever... move on... well, I can't..
I sit there and think that they don't like me anymore.
I did something to piss them off or shit like that...
start coming up with scenarios... I can't even go see a
movie anymore, because I just can't concentrate and
don't enjoy it... I don't even want to talk about work...
last time I had a decent idea for a painting was like 3 weeks
ago... when I stay over with my girl, at night, I wake up
because she's not hugging me while she's sleeping...
next morning I feel all weird because of it...
stupid, right.. I realize it, yet can't help to continue
doing it. I don't show it to anyone, it's all buried
inside, sometimes it comes out... I start acting weird,
saying nonsense... is seeing a psychiatrist my only choice?