misha9999999

You don't have to read this. I just want to get it
off of my chest... why must this happen? I get
an email from a friend of mine with her name
listed as one of the recipients... Just a name
fucking turns my stomach upside down... And
everything drops. Am I that weak? I haven't
returned her calls, i'm not planning on it... I want
to erase... What good is it to have a friend that
you only want to be friends with to hear their voice?
To have a connection? There is a box with her
clothes in my closet. I'm afraid to touch it,
I don't even want to think what would happen if
I looked in... This is always waiting around the
corner to fucking kick you in the gut. I thought I'm
better. I'm so not.
So if you're sitting all alone and hear a-knocking at
you door and the air is full of promises, well buddy,
you've been warned. Far worse to be Love's lover
than the lover that Love has scorned. I let love in.

And fuck you for thinking that this is so banal and
played out... And just fuck you, period. Why
can?t I say that if that's what I feel like?...
And fuck you for not knowing what it?s like...
And fuck all that bullshit about beauty and
ugliness. I speak of high matters so easily and
pretend to know. Well, I don't fucking know.
I only know what I can feel, and right now
I'm feeling ugliness. And let me tell you
something, it'a beautiful feeling... Carry on, soldiers.